Paper Mogul Sports
Derby · Season 4 · Round 36

The Pinch — Team Pack Race

The Pinch Works · The Pinch · 135 m · 16 competitors Pinch points Steep banking
FULL TIME Fairness
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Carnage — Tube Sock survives to win

Tube Sock took The Pinch — Team Pack Race for the The Wet Socks. Gravy finished second. 9 competitors failed to finish. The Wet Socks took the team honours.

#CompetitorTeamTimeGap Grid+/-ContactsTop speed
1 Tube Sock WET The Wet Socks 3:17.633 4 +3 8 10.2
2 Gravy LMP Lump Patrol 3:20.250 +2.62 12 +10 32 11.9
3 Damp Kevin WET The Wet Socks 3:22.008 +4.38 3 0 12 10.5
4 Custard SFT The Soft Boys 3:22.850 +5.22 15 +11 25 11.5
5 Long John NOO The Noodles 3:25.017 +7.38 1 -4 9 10.3
6 The Coaster PCK The Pucks 3:25.825 +8.19 13 +7 32 11.4
7 Crawlspace HEA Basement Heat 3:30.975 +13.34 7 0 22 11.0
The Kidney WRECKED BEA The Beans 6 -2 23 10.7
Crooked Pete WRECKED NOO The Noodles 2 -7 13 10.5
Refried Ron WRECKED BEA The Beans 5 -5 12 10.7
Lil Nugget WRECKED NUG The Nuggets 10 -1 26 12.1
Chunk WRECKED LMP Lump Patrol 11 -1 25 11.2
Honey Mustard WRECKED NUG The Nuggets 9 -4 34 12.4
Pilot Light WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 8 -6 12 10.0
Puck Yeah WRECKED PCK The Pucks 14 -1 16 11.4
Tender Greg WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 16 0 10 11.2
3.233
Absolute carnage.
10.050
Chunk is on the move.
16.033
Extraordinary scenes. Recent finishes: 2-3-12-3-4.
20.925
That has come off.
25.992
Honey Mustard is airborne!
33.675
Somebody is going to have to sweep that up.
42.058
That is a long way off the ground. Recent finishes: 4-6-5-13-4.
46.892
That has come off.
53.508
Oh, that is a big one.
57.883
Puck Yeah is losing bits. Recent finishes: 1-1-3-2-1.
1:02.858
They felt that in the back row. Recent finishes: 4-6-5-13-4.
1:08.067
Crawlspace is losing bits.
1:12.575
Beautiful. Just beautiful. Recent finishes: 5-7-11-6-5.
1:15.833
And that is Tender Greg finished.
1:20.050
Look at Custard go.
1:24.900
Honey Mustard is losing bits.
1:30.050
Damp Kevin is on the move.
1:34.458
Look at the state of it.
1:39.525
It is coming apart now.
1:42.458
Puck Yeah is out.
1:47.475
There is nothing protecting Pilot Light now.
1:52.408
There goes a piece of Crooked Pete.
1:57.000
Up it goes.
1:58.500
And that is Pilot Light finished.
2:03.375
Beautiful. Just beautiful.
2:04.875
Honey Mustard is out, and The Kidney did it.
2:09.925
And that is Chunk finished.
2:14.950
That is real damage.
2:20.575
Crooked Pete leaves something behind.
2:22.075
Wrecked, and out of the race.
2:26.983
The Kidney leaves something behind.
2:34.667
Refried Ron will not be back.
2:41.050
Up it goes.
2:46.367
Crooked Pete will not take much more.
2:54.967
Extraordinary scenes.
2:56.467
This is the last of it.
2:58.583
Wrecked, and out of the race.
3:03.900
There goes a piece of The Coaster.
3:09.575
Oh, that is a big one.
3:14.633
Tube Sock is coming to the flag.
3:17.633
It is Tube Sock!
3:21.242
The Kidney will not be back.
SectionSurfaceLeader at exitElapsedFastest through
Smooth Descent Clay Tender Greg 19.983 Tender Greg 19.983
Smooth Descent Clay Tender Greg 40.892 Tube Sock 20.716
Smooth Descent Clay Tender Greg 1:05.392 Puck Yeah 20.975
Smooth Descent Clay Tube Sock 1:28.350 Honey Mustard 21.058
Smooth Descent Clay Tube Sock 1:50.583 Gravy 19.250
Smooth Descent Clay Tube Sock 2:12.542 Gravy 19.508
Smooth Descent Clay Tube Sock 2:34.767 Damp Kevin 21.750
Smooth Descent Clay Tube Sock 2:56.267 Gravy 20.867
Smooth Descent Clay Tube Sock 3:17.633 Tube Sock 21.366
#TeamScoreFinishersPoints
1 WET The Wet Socks 4 2/2 8
2 LMP Lump Patrol 14 1/2 7
3 NOO The Noodles 14 1/2 6
4 BEA The Beans 18 0/2 5
5 SFT The Soft Boys 20 1/2 4
6 PCK The Pucks 21 1/2 3
7 HEA Basement Heat 21 1/2 2
8 NUG The Nuggets 24 0/2 1
Pack races score the sum of a team's best three finishing positions. Lower is better.

Race card

16 declared
7
Long John The Noodles
86 starts, 4 wins, average finish 5.2. Last five: 2-4-9-6-2.
6.10
3
Crooked Pete The Noodles
86 starts, 1 win, average finish 9.1. Last five: 14-10-8-7-14.
203.08
4
Damp Kevin The Wet Socks
88 starts, 13 wins, average finish 3.6. Last five: 1-1-5-10-1.
1.88
11
Tube Sock The Wet Socks
90 starts, 12 wins, average finish 4.4. Last five: 4-3-4-3-7.
2.81
5
Refried Ron The Beans
77 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.2. Last five: 13-15-15-9-15.
219.30
6
The Kidney The Beans
79 starts, 0 wins, average finish 10.2. Last five: 12-13-16-4-9.
219.30
13
Crawlspace Basement Heat
83 starts, 0 wins, average finish 8.6. Last five: 10-10-9-14-6.
127.15
9
Pilot Light Basement Heat
77 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.6. Last five: 10-16-14-15-15.
219.30
2
Honey Mustard The Nuggets
81 starts, 3 wins, average finish 7.7. Last five: 9-7-7-11-12.
75.38
0
Lil Nugget The Nuggets
87 starts, 2 wins, average finish 9.0. Last five: 14-12-9-12-10.
173.35
5
Chunk Lump Patrol
70 starts, 2 wins, average finish 10.0. Last five: 8-11-7-10-4.
219.30
17
Gravy Lump Patrol
88 starts, 11 wins, average finish 7.1. Last five: 7-7-7-7-2.
73.12
3
The Coaster The Pucks
91 starts, 8 wins, average finish 8.3. Last five: 2-2-12-11-2.
75.53
69
Puck Yeah The Pucks
85 starts, 3 wins, average finish 12.1. Last five: 15-11-16-11-16.
219.30
21
Custard The Soft Boys
81 starts, 4 wins, average finish 7.4. Last five: 5-7-13-3-11.
37.24
6
Tender Greg The Soft Boys
92 starts, 0 wins, average finish 14.8. Last five: 16-12-16-16-16.
219.30

Course preview

6 sections · 135 m
Smooth Descent Smooth
30m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
38m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
11m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
8m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
11m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
38m ↓15°

A disused rolling mill with an oval laid through the old loading bay, and a gap in the wall under four metres wide. Sixteen arrive at that gap together, two get through, and the rest sort it out — nine times a race, in front of a crowd that has stopped pretending it came for any other reason. The wall is original ironwork and has never once been repainted, on the grounds that it would only want doing again by Tuesday. Standing room is capped for reasons the management prefers not to put in writing.

On the record

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