Paper Mogul Sports
Derby · Season 5 · Round 17

Washboard Ring — Team Pack Race

Washboard Yard · Washboard Ring · 135 m · 16 competitors Steep banking
FULL TIME Fairness
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Carnage — The Lieutenant survives to win

The Lieutenant took Washboard Ring — Team Pack Race for the Lump Patrol. Old Gristle finished second. 11 competitors failed to finish. Lump Patrol took the team honours.

#CompetitorTeamTimeGap Grid+/-ContactsTop speed
1 The Lieutenant LMP Lump Patrol 3:25.417 12 +11 43 12.6
2 Old Gristle LMP Lump Patrol 3:31.475 +6.06 11 +9 51 12.0
3 Stubbs NUG The Nuggets 3:45.400 +19.98 9 +6 56 11.8
4 Tube Sock WET The Wet Socks 3:46.242 +20.83 3 -1 57 10.7
5 Butter Bean BEA The Beans 3:54.433 +29.02 6 +1 67 10.6
Honey Mustard WRECKED NUG The Nuggets 10 +4 44 11.4
Slapper WRECKED PCK The Pucks 13 +6 21 12.2
The Coaster WRECKED PCK The Pucks 14 +6 31 11.7
Custard WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 15 +6 35 11.5
Second Sock RUNNING WET The Wet Socks 4 -6 33 10.4
Long John RUNNING NOO The Noodles 1 -10 22 10.1
Crawlspace WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 7 -5 21 10.1
Big Randy WRECKED NOO The Noodles 2 -11 17 10.2
Tender Greg WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 16 +2 9 11.5
Refried Ron WRECKED BEA The Beans 5 -10 13 10.1
Radiator WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 8 -8 13 10.1
1.592
Extraordinary scenes.
5.992
The Lieutenant is airborne!
11.700
Absolute carnage.
16.000
Tender Greg goes to the front. Career record: 0 wins from 136, average finish 5.9.
21.300
Slapper takes the lead.
25.750
There goes a piece of Honey Mustard. Recent finishes: 7-4-10-1-15.
29.458
Radiator is out, and Second Sock did it.
31.125
Big Randy has put Refried Ron out.
35.925
Extraordinary scenes. Recent finishes: 5-5-3-2-4.
40.183
That is a long way off the ground. Recent finishes: 3-2-4-1-11.
46.517
Wrecked, and out of the race.
51.217
Second Sock is losing bits.
52.767
That is Crawlspace taking Big Randy with them. Recent finishes: 4-12-7-6-4.
57.983
Up it goes.
1:02.458
And that is Crawlspace finished.
1:07.425
Look at the state of it.
1:13.833
That is a long way off the ground.
1:18.708
That has come off.
1:23.308
You do not see that every day.
1:28.975
Custard leaves something behind.
1:34.117
Up it goes.
1:38.433
It is coming apart now.
1:43.900
That is a long way off the ground.
1:48.775
It is coming apart now.
1:52.450
Wrecked, and out of the race.
1:54.400
Wrecked, and out of the race.
1:57.317
And that is The Coaster finished.
2:03.733
Honey Mustard is airborne!
2:08.083
The Lieutenant is airborne!
2:17.133
The Lieutenant is losing bits.
2:22.158
Extraordinary scenes.
2:31.808
That has come off.
2:43.742
Beautiful. Just beautiful.
2:45.242
And that is Honey Mustard finished.
2:58.292
That is a long way off the ground.
3:04.767
One to go.
3:09.967
They will not want to see that again.
3:22.417
The Lieutenant has it.
3:25.417
The Lieutenant wins the derby.
3:29.650
Old Gristle is airborne!
3:44.800
Up it goes.
SectionSurfaceLeader at exitElapsedFastest through
Smooth Descent Clay Slapper 22.525 Slapper 22.525
Smooth Descent Clay Slapper 43.875 Slapper 21.350
Smooth Descent Clay The Lieutenant 1:06.008 The Lieutenant 18.550
Smooth Descent Clay Slapper 1:07.808 Slapper 0.383
Smooth Descent Clay Slapper 1:32.758 Stubbs 21.908
Smooth Descent Clay Slapper 1:52.108 Old Gristle 19.167
Smooth Descent Clay Old Gristle 2:41.692 Old Gristle 20.567
Smooth Descent Clay The Lieutenant 3:04.767 The Lieutenant 23.092
Smooth Descent Clay The Lieutenant 3:25.417 The Lieutenant 20.650
#TeamScoreFinishersPoints
1 LMP Lump Patrol 3 2/2 8
2 NUG The Nuggets 9 1/2 7
3 WET The Wet Socks 14 1/2 6
4 PCK The Pucks 15 0/2 5
5 BEA The Beans 20 1/2 4
6 SFT The Soft Boys 23 0/2 3
7 NOO The Noodles 24 0/2 2
8 HEA Basement Heat 28 0/2 1
Pack races score the sum of a team's best three finishing positions. Lower is better.

Race card

16 declared
7
Long John The Noodles
102 starts, 5 wins, average finish 5.3. Last five: 11-5-4-15-8.
14.62
1
Big Randy The Noodles
98 starts, 6 wins, average finish 6.2. Last five: 10-3-1-8-4.
34.51
11
Tube Sock The Wet Socks
100 starts, 13 wins, average finish 4.3. Last five: 3-3-5-1-3.
3.47
2
Second Sock The Wet Socks
104 starts, 13 wins, average finish 4.0. Last five: 4-3-7-1-4.
3.65
5
Refried Ron The Beans
95 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.1. Last five: 13-14-13-9-15.
219.30
22
Butter Bean The Beans
106 starts, 1 win, average finish 8.8. Last five: 10-11-13-9-7.
93.20
13
Crawlspace Basement Heat
98 starts, 1 win, average finish 8.5. Last five: 10-13-6-11-6.
170.77
4
Radiator Basement Heat
115 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.1. Last five: 15-15-14-14-13.
219.30
7
Stubbs The Nuggets
97 starts, 6 wins, average finish 7.9. Last five: 7-12-12-12-10.
61.78
2
Honey Mustard The Nuggets
98 starts, 4 wins, average finish 7.8. Last five: 5-6-11-8-14.
64.06
44
Old Gristle Lump Patrol
110 starts, 27 wins, average finish 4.9. Last five: 9-1-5-7-3.
5.87
10
The Lieutenant Lump Patrol
94 starts, 21 wins, average finish 4.9. Last five: 1-3-9-1-1.
4.57
8
Slapper The Pucks
92 starts, 8 wins, average finish 8.1. Last five: 2-3-2-2-15.
50.07
3
The Coaster The Pucks
102 starts, 10 wins, average finish 8.0. Last five: 8-14-6-10-1.
65.53
21
Custard The Soft Boys
98 starts, 4 wins, average finish 7.5. Last five: 6-16-13-8-12.
141.55
6
Tender Greg The Soft Boys
106 starts, 0 wins, average finish 14.8. Last five: 16-16-15-10-15.
219.30

Course preview

6 sections · 135 m
Smooth Descent Smooth
8m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
14m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
8m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
38m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
30m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
38m ↓15°

Fourteen metres of corrugated deck plate laid across the main straight, crossed nine times a race. Nobody is ever taken out by it and nobody ever finishes intact — it does not wreck you, it disassembles you, one rivet at a time, and hands the pieces back at the flag. By the last lap the difference between a finisher and a heap of parts is simply who crossed it more cleanly. The stand sells earplugs at the gate; the noise is not a side effect, it is the attraction.

On the record

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