Paper Mogul Sports
Derby · Season 5 · Round 43

The Wall — Team Pack Race

The Board Track · The Wall · 101 m · 16 competitors Steep banking
FULL TIME Fairness
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Carnage — The Lieutenant survives to win

The Lieutenant took The Wall — Team Pack Race for the Lump Patrol. Wide Load finished second. 8 competitors failed to finish. The Wet Socks took the team honours.

#CompetitorTeamTimeGap Grid+/-ContactsTop speed
1 The Lieutenant LMP Lump Patrol 3:05.658 12 +11 40 12.3
2 Wide Load PCK The Pucks 3:07.558 +1.90 13 +11 42 12.8
3 Stubbs NUG The Nuggets 3:14.900 +9.24 10 +7 53 12.5
4 Butter Bean BEA The Beans 3:14.992 +9.33 6 +2 36 11.9
5 Second Sock WET The Wet Socks 3:18.217 +12.56 4 -1 11 11.5
6 Damp Kevin WET The Wet Socks 3:18.433 +12.78 3 -3 11 11.2
7 Long John NOO The Noodles 3:19.433 +13.78 1 -6 10 11.1
8 Big Randy NOO The Noodles 3:21.175 +15.52 2 -6 16 11.2
The Kidney WRECKED BEA The Beans 5 -4 32 11.6
Crawlspace WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 7 -3 29 11.5
Gravy WRECKED LMP Lump Patrol 11 0 33 12.8
Honey Mustard WRECKED NUG The Nuggets 9 -3 35 13.0
Custard WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 15 +2 25 12.0
Radiator WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 8 -6 13 11.4
Puck Yeah WRECKED PCK The Pucks 14 -1 13 12.4
Yolk WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 16 0 11 11.5
1.950
Yolk is losing bits.
8.075
They felt that in the back row.
12.542
Up it goes.
18.167
And it all goes wrong. Recent finishes: 2-5-3-7-4.
23.550
Oh, that is a big one. Recent finishes: 3-4-6-8-5.
30.050
Look at Long John go. Recent finishes: 11-7-8-6-4.
36.900
A new leader — Yolk.
40.167
Wrecked, and out of the race. Recent finishes: 10-3-15-7-2.
45.033
Gravy leaves something behind. Recent finishes: 16-2-14-1-4.
50.050
A new leader — Custard.
55.475
That is a long way off the ground.
1:00.050
Look at Puck Yeah go.
1:04.283
Gravy leaves something behind.
1:08.167
And that is Puck Yeah finished.
1:13.500
Custard takes the lead.
1:17.858
Extraordinary scenes.
1:22.300
Absolute carnage.
1:23.800
Wide Load has put Radiator out.
1:29.983
The Lieutenant is airborne!
1:36.550
Custard takes the lead.
1:41.867
It is coming apart now.
1:44.325
Custard is out.
1:50.267
Extraordinary scenes.
1:57.492
They will not want to see that again.
2:02.967
There is nothing left of it.
2:09.108
Up it goes.
2:13.650
That has come off.
2:18.142
And it all goes wrong.
2:22.850
Beautiful. Just beautiful.
2:27.342
It is coming apart now.
2:33.817
Gravy is airborne!
2:35.317
Gravy is out.
2:37.633
That is Long John taking Honey Mustard with them.
2:42.658
Absolute carnage.
2:50.150
One to go.
2:51.650
Crawlspace is out.
2:53.150
The Kidney is out.
2:59.842
Stubbs is losing bits.
3:02.658
The Lieutenant has it.
3:04.258
That has come off.
3:05.758
The Lieutenant wins the derby.
3:14.125
That has come off.
SectionSurfaceLeader at exitElapsedFastest through
Smooth Descent Boards Yolk 13.750 Yolk 13.750
Smooth Descent Boards Yolk 29.517 Custard 14.941
Smooth Descent Boards The Lieutenant 44.542 The Lieutenant 13.384
Smooth Descent Boards Custard 1:01.742 Puck Yeah 13.475
Smooth Descent Boards Custard 1:18.708 Gravy 14.492
Smooth Descent Boards Gravy 1:33.742 The Kidney 14.109
Smooth Descent Boards Gravy 1:48.075 Wide Load 13.891
Smooth Descent Boards Gravy 2:02.542 The Lieutenant 14.000
Smooth Descent Boards Gravy 2:17.783 Wide Load 14.650
Smooth Descent Boards Gravy 2:32.475 The Lieutenant 13.334
Smooth Descent Boards The Lieutenant 2:50.150 The Lieutenant 13.033
Smooth Descent Boards The Lieutenant 3:05.658 The Lieutenant 15.508
#TeamScoreFinishersPoints
1 WET The Wet Socks 11 2/2 8
2 LMP Lump Patrol 12 1/2 7
3 BEA The Beans 13 1/2 6
4 NUG The Nuggets 15 1/2 5
5 NOO The Noodles 15 2/2 4
6 PCK The Pucks 17 1/2 3
7 HEA Basement Heat 24 0/2 2
8 SFT The Soft Boys 29 0/2 1
Pack races score the sum of a team's best three finishing positions. Lower is better.

Race card

16 declared
7
Long John The Noodles
116 starts, 7 wins, average finish 5.5. Last five: 6-15-5-1-5.
17.51
1
Big Randy The Noodles
111 starts, 6 wins, average finish 6.1. Last five: 2-5-4-7-3.
13.31
4
Damp Kevin The Wet Socks
118 starts, 15 wins, average finish 3.8. Last five: 4-3-3-4-5.
3.33
2
Second Sock The Wet Socks
119 starts, 15 wins, average finish 4.0. Last five: 5-4-1-2-9.
3.74
6
The Kidney The Beans
104 starts, 0 wins, average finish 10.2. Last five: 12-7-6-9-13.
219.30
22
Butter Bean The Beans
120 starts, 1 win, average finish 8.9. Last five: 13-8-7-12-4.
75.56
13
Crawlspace Basement Heat
108 starts, 1 win, average finish 8.4. Last five: 10-6-9-7-3.
57.49
4
Radiator Basement Heat
130 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.2. Last five: 13-15-15-9-14.
219.30
2
Honey Mustard The Nuggets
111 starts, 4 wins, average finish 7.9. Last five: 8-12-6-4-8.
97.71
7
Stubbs The Nuggets
110 starts, 8 wins, average finish 7.8. Last five: 9-14-5-5-5.
55.08
17
Gravy Lump Patrol
122 starts, 16 wins, average finish 7.1. Last five: 10-14-3-9-14.
87.19
10
The Lieutenant Lump Patrol
105 starts, 27 wins, average finish 4.7. Last five: 1-1-4-7-3.
3.42
4
Wide Load The Pucks
110 starts, 18 wins, average finish 5.5. Last five: 15-6-2-2-10.
15.81
69
Puck Yeah The Pucks
110 starts, 3 wins, average finish 12.4. Last five: 15-11-14-16-12.
219.30
21
Custard The Soft Boys
108 starts, 4 wins, average finish 7.5. Last five: 6-13-3-6-9.
99.03
0
Yolk The Soft Boys
111 starts, 0 wins, average finish 14.2. Last five: 9-16-16-14-13.
219.30

Course preview

4 sections · 101 m
Smooth Descent Smooth
16m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
35m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
16m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
35m ↓15°

A velodrome that took a wrong turn somewhere and never came back. Twenty-six degrees of varnished pine holds the entire field at exactly the same radius whether anybody likes it or not, so the only way past a rival is straight through them. Nothing here chooses its own line; the banking chooses it, and the banking has no favourites and takes no notes. The boards were reclaimed from a real velodrome in 1991 and still carry the original lap markings under the tyre rubber, which no competitor has ever had a spare moment to read.

On the record

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