Paper Mogul Sports
Derby · Season 1 · Round 37

Washboard Ring — Team Pack Race

Washboard Yard · Washboard Ring · 135 m · 16 competitors Steep banking
FULL TIME Fairness
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Carnage — Old Gristle survives to win

Old Gristle took Washboard Ring — Team Pack Race for the Lump Patrol. Wide Load finished second. 11 competitors failed to finish. Lump Patrol took the team honours.

#CompetitorTeamTimeGap Grid+/-ContactsTop speed
1 Old Gristle LMP Lump Patrol 3:25.217 12 +11 43 12.6
2 Wide Load PCK The Pucks 3:28.825 +3.61 14 +12 42 12.3
3 Thick Rick NUG The Nuggets 3:45.058 +19.84 9 +6 64 11.5
4 Long John NOO The Noodles 3:49.567 +24.35 1 -3 55 10.7
5 Tube Sock WET The Wet Socks 3:50.250 +25.03 4 -1 48 10.9
Gravy WRECKED LMP Lump Patrol 11 +5 49 11.6
Lil Nugget WRECKED NUG The Nuggets 10 +3 27 11.1
Slapper WRECKED PCK The Pucks 13 +5 24 12.4
Damp Kevin RUNNING WET The Wet Socks 3 -6 16 10.5
Squish WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 15 +5 17 11.2
Crawlspace WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 7 -4 20 10.7
The Kidney WRECKED BEA The Beans 5 -7 23 9.9
Crooked Pete WRECKED NOO The Noodles 2 -11 13 10.1
Sweaty Gerald WRECKED BEA The Beans 6 -8 22 10.4
Tender Greg WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 16 +1 9 11.3
Pilot Light WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 8 -8 11 10.3
1.833
There is nothing left of it. Recent finishes: 8-8-5-10-5.
6.150
And it all goes wrong. Recent finishes: 2-4-1-2-3.
13.500
There goes a piece of Pilot Light. Recent finishes: 5-14-4-16-8.
19.450
A new leader — Old Gristle.
23.667
Extraordinary scenes.
27.767
Tender Greg is out, and Tube Sock did it. Recent finishes: 3-6-4-4-9.
29.267
Sweaty Gerald has put Pilot Light out. Recent finishes: 5-14-4-16-8.
37.758
Up it goes.
43.908
Sweaty Gerald leaves something behind.
48.525
Old Gristle is airborne!
53.750
Tube Sock has put Crooked Pete out.
55.250
That is Tube Sock taking Sweaty Gerald with them.
56.750
Tube Sock has put Crawlspace out.
58.250
The Kidney will not be back.
1:00.892
Squish will not be back.
1:05.117
And it all goes wrong.
1:11.792
Lil Nugget is losing bits.
1:16.467
Absolute carnage.
1:24.350
Look at the state of it.
1:30.050
That was always going to happen.
1:31.550
Slapper is out.
1:38.658
Lil Nugget is airborne!
1:43.050
Wrecked, and out of the race.
1:55.850
Gravy is losing bits.
2:01.958
Stopped, and in the way.
2:08.050
Look at the state of it.
2:19.458
That has come off.
2:26.150
Extraordinary scenes.
2:33.167
Oh, that is a big one.
2:39.817
There goes a piece of Old Gristle.
2:45.475
Gravy has nothing left on it.
2:51.033
Somebody is going to have to sweep that up.
2:56.917
Oh, that is a big one.
2:58.417
Gravy will not be back.
3:02.817
This is the last of it.
3:08.125
Wide Load is airborne!
3:18.625
They will not want to see that again.
3:22.217
Old Gristle has it.
3:23.142
That was always going to happen.
3:25.217
Old Gristle wins the derby.
3:44.450
Thick Rick leaves something behind.
SectionSurfaceLeader at exitElapsedFastest through
Smooth Descent Clay Wide Load 21.208 Wide Load 21.208
Smooth Descent Clay Wide Load 43.708 Gravy 21.350
Smooth Descent Clay Wide Load 1:06.867 Lil Nugget 22.192
Smooth Descent Clay Old Gristle 1:27.383 Old Gristle 20.300
Smooth Descent Clay Old Gristle 1:49.525 Gravy 21.217
Smooth Descent Clay Old Gristle 2:15.633 Tube Sock 24.375
Smooth Descent Clay Old Gristle 2:40.200 Thick Rick 21.741
Smooth Descent Clay Old Gristle 3:02.817 Thick Rick 22.492
Smooth Descent Clay Old Gristle 3:25.217 Wide Load 20.492
#TeamScoreFinishersPoints
1 LMP Lump Patrol 7 1/2 8
2 PCK The Pucks 10 1/2 7
3 NUG The Nuggets 10 1/2 6
4 WET The Wet Socks 14 1/2 5
5 NOO The Noodles 17 1/2 4
6 SFT The Soft Boys 25 0/2 3
7 BEA The Beans 26 0/2 2
8 HEA Basement Heat 27 0/2 1
Pack races score the sum of a team's best three finishing positions. Lower is better.

Race card

16 declared
7
Long John The Noodles
16 starts, 0 wins, average finish 5.2. Last five: 7-2-7-3-2.
6.97
3
Crooked Pete The Noodles
15 starts, 1 win, average finish 9.3. Last five: 12-15-10-2-13.
219.30
4
Damp Kevin The Wet Socks
18 starts, 4 wins, average finish 3.4. Last five: 3-2-4-4-4.
2.24
11
Tube Sock The Wet Socks
17 starts, 1 win, average finish 5.8. Last five: 5-3-10-1-6.
8.44
6
The Kidney The Beans
11 starts, 0 wins, average finish 10.2. Last five: 6-8-13-8-7.
161.12
8
Sweaty Gerald The Beans
16 starts, 0 wins, average finish 12.2. Last five: 16-9-13-12-12.
219.30
13
Crawlspace Basement Heat
18 starts, 0 wins, average finish 8.2. Last five: 9-6-5-12-6.
39.64
9
Pilot Light Basement Heat
13 starts, 0 wins, average finish 12.6. Last five: 13-15-12-9-14.
219.30
33
Thick Rick The Nuggets
14 starts, 2 wins, average finish 6.9. Last five: 11-3-9-11-7.
23.24
0
Lil Nugget The Nuggets
16 starts, 0 wins, average finish 9.9. Last five: 13-13-8-12-9.
219.30
17
Gravy Lump Patrol
12 starts, 0 wins, average finish 8.2. Last five: 6-2-11-10-14.
56.83
44
Old Gristle Lump Patrol
18 starts, 4 wins, average finish 4.7. Last five: 7-1-1-4-5.
5.00
8
Slapper The Pucks
19 starts, 1 win, average finish 8.0. Last five: 14-9-6-5-8.
62.46
4
Wide Load The Pucks
13 starts, 4 wins, average finish 5.9. Last five: 5-1-11-1-16.
8.93
2
Squish The Soft Boys
14 starts, 0 wins, average finish 11.3. Last five: 15-12-12-15-8.
219.30
6
Tender Greg The Soft Boys
15 starts, 0 wins, average finish 14.3. Last five: 15-10-16-16-16.
219.30

Course preview

6 sections · 135 m
Smooth Descent Smooth
8m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
14m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
8m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
38m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
30m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
38m ↓15°

Fourteen metres of corrugated deck plate laid across the main straight, crossed nine times a race. Nobody is ever taken out by it and nobody ever finishes intact — it does not wreck you, it disassembles you, one rivet at a time, and hands the pieces back at the flag. By the last lap the difference between a finisher and a heap of parts is simply who crossed it more cleanly. The stand sells earplugs at the gate; the noise is not a side effect, it is the attraction.

On the record

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