Paper Mogul Sports
Derby · Season 8 · Round 13

The Wall — Team Pack Race

The Board Track · The Wall · 101 m · 16 competitors Steep banking
FULL TIME Fairness
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Carnage — Old Gristle survives to win

Old Gristle took The Wall — Team Pack Race for the Lump Patrol. The Unit finished second. 11 competitors failed to finish. Lump Patrol took the team honours.

#CompetitorTeamTimeGap Grid+/-ContactsTop speed
1 Old Gristle LMP Lump Patrol 3:02.167 12 +11 36 12.6
2 The Unit HEA Basement Heat 3:11.033 +8.87 8 +6 40 11.7
3 Second Sock WET The Wet Socks 3:19.525 +17.36 4 +1 15 11.2
4 Crooked Pete NOO The Noodles 3:19.600 +17.43 1 -3 12 11.4
5 Big Randy NOO The Noodles 3:19.750 +17.58 2 -3 17 11.3
The Heel WRECKED WET The Wet Socks 3 -3 17 11.1
Gravy WRECKED LMP Lump Patrol 11 +4 31 12.1
The Kidney WRECKED BEA The Beans 6 -2 27 11.7
Lil Nugget WRECKED NUG The Nuggets 10 +1 27 12.8
Honey Mustard WRECKED NUG The Nuggets 9 -1 30 12.8
Sweaty Gerald WRECKED BEA The Beans 5 -6 19 11.1
Custard WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 16 +4 22 12.1
Slapper WRECKED PCK The Pucks 13 0 21 13.1
Radiator WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 7 -7 13 11.7
Tender Greg WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 15 0 11 12.2
The Coaster RUNNING PCK The Pucks 14 -2 6 11.8
2.250
Up it goes.
6.825
There goes a piece of Tender Greg. Recent finishes: 7-4-2-4-5.
13.233
That has come off.
17.717
Lil Nugget leaves something behind.
22.867
Radiator is losing bits. Recent finishes: 11-7-6-16-4.
29.367
That was always going to happen.
33.858
That was always going to happen.
38.708
Extraordinary scenes.
43.075
That is Second Sock taking Tender Greg with them. Recent finishes: 7-4-2-4-5.
50.425
There goes a piece of Big Randy. Recent finishes: 6-9-7-4-6.
51.925
Radiator is out. Recent finishes: 11-7-6-16-4.
59.100
There goes a piece of Slapper.
1:03.800
Old Gristle goes to the front.
1:10.500
That has come off.
1:12.000
Slapper is out.
1:16.625
Stripped to the shell.
1:20.333
That is Honey Mustard taking Custard with them.
1:26.058
Crooked Pete has put Sweaty Gerald out.
1:31.750
That is a long way off the ground.
1:36.650
Look at the state of it.
1:42.275
They will not want to see that again.
1:46.558
Honey Mustard will not take much more.
1:51.542
They will not want to see that again.
1:54.800
Honey Mustard is out.
2:00.050
Beautiful. Just beautiful.
2:05.375
Crooked Pete leaves something behind.
2:09.917
Beautiful. Just beautiful.
2:13.633
The Unit has put Lil Nugget out.
2:20.983
The Heel leaves something behind.
2:26.100
Gravy takes the lead.
2:30.800
It is coming apart now.
2:37.058
The Kidney is airborne!
2:40.067
Wrecked, and out of the race.
2:46.083
And it all goes wrong.
2:47.583
The Kidney is out.
2:49.083
This is the last of it.
2:59.167
Old Gristle is coming to the flag.
3:02.167
Old Gristle wins the derby.
3:12.375
Look at the state of it.
3:13.875
Crooked Pete has put The Heel out.
SectionSurfaceLeader at exitElapsedFastest through
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 14.033 Old Gristle 14.033
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 27.117 Old Gristle 13.084
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 40.750 Gravy 13.075
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 56.400 Slapper 13.175
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 1:14.275 The Unit 15.117
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 1:30.292 Lil Nugget 14.967
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 1:41.342 Old Gristle 11.050
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 1:57.658 Gravy 13.642
Smooth Descent Boards Gravy 2:11.667 Gravy 13.567
Smooth Descent Boards Gravy 2:28.958 The Heel 15.958
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 2:48.333 Big Randy 16.591
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 3:02.167 Old Gristle 13.834
#TeamScoreFinishersPoints
1 LMP Lump Patrol 8 1/2 8
2 WET The Wet Socks 9 1/2 7
3 NOO The Noodles 9 2/2 6
4 HEA Basement Heat 16 1/2 5
5 BEA The Beans 19 0/2 4
6 NUG The Nuggets 19 0/2 3
7 SFT The Soft Boys 27 0/2 2
8 PCK The Pucks 29 0/2 1
Pack races score the sum of a team's best three finishing positions. Lower is better.

Race card

16 declared
3
Crooked Pete The Noodles
168 starts, 5 wins, average finish 8.9. Last five: 6-15-3-11-16.
68.27
1
Big Randy The Noodles
176 starts, 9 wins, average finish 6.1. Last five: 4-6-8-6-4.
11.65
9
The Heel The Wet Socks
156 starts, 17 wins, average finish 5.5. Last five: 5-2-7-7-3.
6.71
2
Second Sock The Wet Socks
192 starts, 30 wins, average finish 3.9. Last five: 2-2-4-6-1.
1.88
8
Sweaty Gerald The Beans
175 starts, 0 wins, average finish 11.1. Last five: 14-13-4-15-8.
219.30
6
The Kidney The Beans
175 starts, 0 wins, average finish 9.9. Last five: 13-8-5-10-10.
137.25
4
Radiator Basement Heat
198 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.1. Last five: 13-13-14-14-14.
219.30
1
The Unit Basement Heat
176 starts, 4 wins, average finish 7.5. Last five: 2-9-14-7-2.
10.04
2
Honey Mustard The Nuggets
182 starts, 7 wins, average finish 7.8. Last five: 8-12-7-7-5.
67.74
0
Lil Nugget The Nuggets
174 starts, 4 wins, average finish 8.7. Last five: 7-12-14-8-7.
127.26
17
Gravy Lump Patrol
191 starts, 23 wins, average finish 7.2. Last five: 12-5-1-12-4.
42.08
44
Old Gristle Lump Patrol
191 starts, 44 wins, average finish 5.1. Last five: 2-16-5-14-6.
5.95
8
Slapper The Pucks
172 starts, 18 wins, average finish 8.3. Last five: 12-9-9-11-9.
93.71
3
The Coaster The Pucks
173 starts, 18 wins, average finish 7.8. Last five: 11-9-13-1-15.
85.51
6
Tender Greg The Soft Boys
185 starts, 0 wins, average finish 14.6. Last five: 16-15-15-15-16.
219.30
21
Custard The Soft Boys
171 starts, 4 wins, average finish 7.8. Last five: 7-11-3-5-12.
88.48

Course preview

4 sections · 101 m
Smooth Descent Smooth
16m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
35m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
16m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
35m ↓15°

A velodrome that took a wrong turn somewhere and never came back. Twenty-six degrees of varnished pine holds the entire field at exactly the same radius whether anybody likes it or not, so the only way past a rival is straight through them. Nothing here chooses its own line; the banking chooses it, and the banking has no favourites and takes no notes. The boards were reclaimed from a real velodrome in 1991 and still carry the original lap markings under the tyre rubber, which no competitor has ever had a spare moment to read.

On the record

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