Paper Mogul Sports
Derby · Season 9 · Round 36

The Pinch — Team Pack Race

The Pinch Works · The Pinch · 135 m · 16 competitors Pinch points Steep banking
FULL TIME Fairness
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Carnage — Damp Kevin survives to win

Damp Kevin took The Pinch — Team Pack Race for the The Wet Socks. Crooked Pete finished second. 7 competitors failed to finish. The Wet Socks took the team honours.

#CompetitorTeamTimeGap Grid+/-ContactsTop speed
1 Damp Kevin WET The Wet Socks 3:19.225 3 +2 14 10.7
2 Crooked Pete NOO The Noodles 3:19.725 +0.50 1 -1 10 10.7
3 Tube Sock WET The Wet Socks 3:20.058 +0.83 4 +1 9 10.5
4 Long John NOO The Noodles 3:20.258 +1.03 2 -2 12 10.4
5 Old Gristle LMP Lump Patrol 3:29.192 +9.97 12 +7 34 11.9
6 The Lieutenant LMP Lump Patrol 3:31.183 +11.96 11 +5 47 12.0
7 Honey Mustard NUG The Nuggets 3:32.200 +12.98 9 +2 43 11.8
8 Stubbs NUG The Nuggets 3:33.900 +14.68 10 +2 31 11.2
9 The Kidney BEA The Beans 3:35.417 +16.19 5 -4 22 10.8
Custard WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 15 +5 24 11.9
Crawlspace WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 8 -3 25 11.3
The Coaster WRECKED PCK The Pucks 14 +2 33 13.2
Refried Ron WRECKED BEA The Beans 6 -7 12 10.2
Puck Yeah WRECKED PCK The Pucks 13 -1 16 11.5
Pilot Light WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 7 -8 11 10.1
Yolk WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 16 0 12 11.2
3.075
There goes a piece of Pilot Light. Recent finishes: 14-5-8-14-7.
10.050
Look at Yolk go. Recent finishes: 4-4-2-4-4.
14.583
Beautiful. Just beautiful. Recent finishes: 3-1-1-1-8.
20.050
Look at The Coaster go. Recent finishes: 1-8-1-2-1.
25.000
That was always going to happen. Recent finishes: 4-1-2-2-1.
30.050
Custard is coming through.
35.083
There goes a piece of Pilot Light.
39.333
Somebody is going to have to sweep that up.
44.125
Up it goes.
49.983
That is a long way off the ground.
55.350
The Lieutenant goes to the front.
1:00.050
Crawlspace is losing places.
1:07.458
Damp Kevin has put Yolk out.
1:12.042
Stripped to the shell.
1:16.658
That is a long way off the ground.
1:21.425
Crawlspace leaves something behind.
1:24.383
Pilot Light is out.
1:28.583
The Coaster is losing bits.
1:33.425
The Kidney is losing bits.
1:37.867
Refried Ron leaves something behind.
1:43.133
Absolute carnage.
1:46.408
Puck Yeah will not be back.
1:54.258
The Kidney is losing bits.
2:00.050
The Lieutenant is losing places.
2:03.900
Refried Ron is out, and The Kidney did it.
2:08.483
Up it goes.
2:13.600
The Lieutenant takes the lead.
2:22.067
They will not want to see that again.
2:26.300
There goes a piece of Stubbs.
2:28.142
Tube Sock has put The Coaster out.
2:33.633
Old Gristle leaves something behind.
2:41.742
That has come off.
2:46.150
Damp Kevin takes the lead.
2:56.008
Honey Mustard is losing bits.
2:57.508
Last lap.
3:06.042
There goes a piece of Honey Mustard.
3:09.825
That is Tube Sock taking Custard with them.
3:16.108
That is a long way off the ground.
3:16.225
Damp Kevin is coming to the flag.
3:19.225
It is Damp Kevin!
3:21.917
Crawlspace is out, and The Kidney did it.
3:30.050
Stubbs is on the move.
SectionSurfaceLeader at exitElapsedFastest through
Smooth Descent Clay Yolk 19.867 Yolk 19.867
Smooth Descent Clay Old Gristle 42.275 Old Gristle 20.392
Smooth Descent Clay The Lieutenant 1:05.808 The Lieutenant 21.233
Smooth Descent Clay The Lieutenant 1:27.275 The Lieutenant 21.467
Smooth Descent Clay The Lieutenant 1:49.975 Honey Mustard 21.783
Smooth Descent Clay Damp Kevin 2:13.167 Custard 20.708
Smooth Descent Clay Long John 2:34.867 Long John 21.400
Smooth Descent Clay Long John 2:57.325 Stubbs 19.667
Smooth Descent Clay Damp Kevin 3:19.225 Tube Sock 21.658
#TeamScoreFinishersPoints
1 WET The Wet Socks 4 2/2 8
2 NOO The Noodles 6 2/2 7
3 LMP Lump Patrol 11 2/2 6
4 NUG The Nuggets 15 2/2 5
5 BEA The Beans 22 1/2 4
6 SFT The Soft Boys 26 0/2 3
7 HEA Basement Heat 26 0/2 2
8 PCK The Pucks 26 0/2 1
Pack races score the sum of a team's best three finishing positions. Lower is better.

Race card

16 declared
3
Crooked Pete The Noodles
206 starts, 6 wins, average finish 8.8. Last five: 2-13-2-8-15.
92.05
7
Long John The Noodles
223 starts, 8 wins, average finish 5.7. Last five: 5-3-4-15-8.
12.04
4
Damp Kevin The Wet Socks
212 starts, 37 wins, average finish 3.7. Last five: 4-7-3-3-3.
2.49
11
Tube Sock The Wet Socks
213 starts, 28 wins, average finish 4.3. Last five: 4-7-2-4-6.
2.70
6
The Kidney The Beans
210 starts, 0 wins, average finish 10.1. Last five: 14-8-12-13-15.
219.30
5
Refried Ron The Beans
214 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.0. Last five: 16-14-11-13-12.
219.30
9
Pilot Light Basement Heat
192 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.5. Last five: 14-14-14-15-10.
219.30
13
Crawlspace Basement Heat
210 starts, 1 win, average finish 8.5. Last five: 11-11-9-10-6.
132.86
2
Honey Mustard The Nuggets
213 starts, 8 wins, average finish 7.9. Last five: 13-14-9-15-6.
153.55
7
Stubbs The Nuggets
211 starts, 14 wins, average finish 7.6. Last five: 13-7-7-6-1.
59.20
10
The Lieutenant Lump Patrol
219 starts, 47 wins, average finish 5.1. Last five: 8-2-7-7-1.
10.43
44
Old Gristle Lump Patrol
223 starts, 55 wins, average finish 5.0. Last five: 10-6-9-1-1.
8.64
69
Puck Yeah The Pucks
208 starts, 5 wins, average finish 12.3. Last five: 14-12-15-4-12.
219.30
3
The Coaster The Pucks
212 starts, 21 wins, average finish 7.7. Last five: 4-7-9-7-1.
55.05
21
Custard The Soft Boys
206 starts, 5 wins, average finish 7.8. Last five: 6-6-10-14-12.
88.41
0
Yolk The Soft Boys
212 starts, 0 wins, average finish 14.2. Last five: 16-14-15-13-16.
219.30

Course preview

6 sections · 135 m
Smooth Descent Smooth
30m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
38m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
11m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
8m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
11m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
38m ↓15°

A disused rolling mill with an oval laid through the old loading bay, and a gap in the wall under four metres wide. Sixteen arrive at that gap together, two get through, and the rest sort it out — nine times a race, in front of a crowd that has stopped pretending it came for any other reason. The wall is original ironwork and has never once been repainted, on the grounds that it would only want doing again by Tuesday. Standing room is capped for reasons the management prefers not to put in writing.

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