Paper Mogul Sports
Derby · Season 9 · Round 46

The Pinch — Team Pack Race

The Pinch Works · The Pinch · 135 m · 16 competitors Pinch points Steep banking
FULL TIME Fairness
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Carnage — Tube Sock survives to win

Tube Sock took The Pinch — Team Pack Race for the The Wet Socks. Second Sock finished second. 7 competitors failed to finish. The Wet Socks took the team honours.

#CompetitorTeamTimeGap Grid+/-ContactsTop speed
1 Tube Sock WET The Wet Socks 3:17.042 4 +3 10 10.8
2 Second Sock WET The Wet Socks 3:20.625 +3.58 3 +1 11 10.9
3 Floppy Joe NOO The Noodles 3:21.483 +4.44 1 -2 11 10.4
4 Gravy LMP Lump Patrol 3:22.100 +5.06 12 +8 43 11.8
5 The Coaster PCK The Pucks 3:22.692 +5.65 14 +9 35 12.2
6 Crawlspace HEA Basement Heat 3:25.042 +8.00 7 +1 24 10.7
7 Long John NOO The Noodles 3:26.383 +9.34 2 -5 17 10.4
8 Thick Rick NUG The Nuggets 3:29.742 +12.70 9 +1 28 11.4
9 Butter Bean BEA The Beans 3:38.583 +21.54 5 -4 24 10.3
Lil Nugget WRECKED NUG The Nuggets 10 0 44 12.1
Squish WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 15 +4 25 11.5
Sweaty Gerald WRECKED BEA The Beans 6 -6 14 10.5
Puck Yeah WRECKED PCK The Pucks 13 0 31 11.4
Chunk WRECKED LMP Lump Patrol 11 -3 15 12.3
Pilot Light WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 8 -7 12 10.0
Yolk WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 16 0 12 11.3
3.542
Absolute carnage. Recent finishes: 4-2-5-3-4.
8.783
That has come off. Recent finishes: 4-7-4-4-4.
13.850
You do not see that every day. Recent finishes: 1-1-2-2-1.
20.050
Look at Squish go.
24.300
That has come off.
30.050
Chunk goes to the front.
35.658
You do not see that every day.
40.050
Tube Sock is coming through.
45.192
That has come off. Recent finishes: 2-1-5-2-2.
49.625
That is a long way off the ground.
54.817
There goes a piece of Chunk.
1:00.050
It is unravelling for Second Sock.
1:05.042
Somebody is going to have to sweep that up.
1:09.300
A new leader — Chunk. Career record: 82 wins from 295, average finish 3.6.
1:14.200
That is real damage.
1:16.342
Chunk is out.
1:19.025
Long John has put Yolk out.
1:20.717
Wrecked, and out of the race.
1:28.225
They will not want to see that again.
1:33.550
A new leader — Gravy.
1:38.700
There goes a piece of Gravy.
1:42.975
And it all goes wrong.
1:50.675
There goes a piece of Squish.
1:56.933
Thick Rick is losing bits.
2:01.258
Squish leaves something behind.
2:07.550
There goes a piece of Crawlspace.
2:13.883
Lil Nugget is losing bits.
2:18.900
There goes a piece of Crawlspace.
2:24.067
It is coming apart now.
2:27.442
And that is Puck Yeah finished.
2:28.942
Sweaty Gerald will not be back.
2:35.100
Squish takes the lead.
2:39.550
Tube Sock takes the lead.
2:46.125
Squish will not be back.
2:50.942
Beautiful. Just beautiful.
2:56.300
One to go.
3:00.583
Beautiful. Just beautiful.
3:10.900
Stripped to the shell.
3:14.042
Tube Sock has it.
3:15.525
Oh, that is a big one.
3:17.042
Tube Sock wins the derby.
3:20.417
Lil Nugget is out.
3:24.967
It is coming apart now.
SectionSurfaceLeader at exitElapsedFastest through
Smooth Descent Clay Squish 21.042 Squish 21.042
Smooth Descent Clay Squish 42.208 Squish 21.166
Smooth Descent Clay Squish 1:03.533 The Coaster 19.059
Smooth Descent Clay Squish 1:26.092 Gravy 20.375
Smooth Descent Clay Gravy 1:49.758 Tube Sock 22.108
Smooth Descent Clay Gravy 2:11.883 Thick Rick 19.125
Smooth Descent Clay Squish 2:35.275 The Coaster 20.491
Smooth Descent Clay Tube Sock 2:56.300 Tube Sock 20.792
Smooth Descent Clay Tube Sock 3:17.042 Tube Sock 20.742
#TeamScoreFinishersPoints
1 WET The Wet Socks 3 2/2 8
2 NOO The Noodles 10 2/2 7
3 LMP Lump Patrol 18 1/2 6
4 PCK The Pucks 18 1/2 5
5 NUG The Nuggets 18 1/2 4
6 HEA Basement Heat 21 1/2 3
7 BEA The Beans 21 1/2 2
8 SFT The Soft Boys 27 0/2 1
Pack races score the sum of a team's best three finishing positions. Lower is better.

Race card

16 declared
12
Floppy Joe The Noodles
215 starts, 8 wins, average finish 9.0. Last five: 4-5-9-7-12.
89.69
7
Long John The Noodles
231 starts, 9 wins, average finish 5.6. Last five: 3-4-4-7-5.
6.06
2
Second Sock The Wet Socks
231 starts, 37 wins, average finish 3.9. Last five: 5-3-1-5-3.
2.09
11
Tube Sock The Wet Socks
220 starts, 28 wins, average finish 4.3. Last five: 3-3-3-4-4.
2.43
22
Butter Bean The Beans
221 starts, 1 win, average finish 8.6. Last five: 5-14-16-12-7.
132.26
8
Sweaty Gerald The Beans
211 starts, 0 wins, average finish 11.0. Last five: 8-13-16-8-12.
219.30
13
Crawlspace Basement Heat
215 starts, 1 win, average finish 8.5. Last five: 6-11-9-8-9.
114.11
9
Pilot Light Basement Heat
198 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.5. Last five: 15-15-15-9-15.
219.30
33
Thick Rick The Nuggets
211 starts, 6 wins, average finish 7.4. Last five: 8-4-5-3-12.
36.14
0
Lil Nugget The Nuggets
221 starts, 5 wins, average finish 8.7. Last five: 6-8-14-15-6.
129.55
5
Chunk Lump Patrol
187 starts, 5 wins, average finish 10.0. Last five: 16-11-14-2-8.
219.30
17
Gravy Lump Patrol
230 starts, 26 wins, average finish 7.2. Last five: 11-9-9-6-10.
112.57
69
Puck Yeah The Pucks
214 starts, 6 wins, average finish 12.3. Last five: 8-14-1-11-12.
219.30
3
The Coaster The Pucks
215 starts, 21 wins, average finish 7.8. Last five: 13-12-4-4-7.
108.20
2
Squish The Soft Boys
217 starts, 1 win, average finish 10.8. Last five: 11-13-15-15-9.
219.30
0
Yolk The Soft Boys
217 starts, 0 wins, average finish 14.2. Last five: 14-11-16-16-16.
219.30

Course preview

6 sections · 135 m
Smooth Descent Smooth
30m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
38m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
11m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
8m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
11m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
38m ↓15°

A disused rolling mill with an oval laid through the old loading bay, and a gap in the wall under four metres wide. Sixteen arrive at that gap together, two get through, and the rest sort it out — nine times a race, in front of a crowd that has stopped pretending it came for any other reason. The wall is original ironwork and has never once been repainted, on the grounds that it would only want doing again by Tuesday. Standing room is capped for reasons the management prefers not to put in writing.

On the record

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