Paper Mogul Sports
Derby · Season 11 · Round 26

The Pinch — Team Pack Race

The Pinch Works · The Pinch · 135 m · 16 competitors Pinch points Steep banking
FULL TIME Fairness
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Carnage — Damp Kevin survives to win

Damp Kevin took The Pinch — Team Pack Race for the The Wet Socks. Floppy Joe finished second. 7 competitors failed to finish. The Wet Socks took the team honours.

#CompetitorTeamTimeGap Grid+/-ContactsTop speed
1 Damp Kevin WET The Wet Socks 3:10.333 4 +3 11 10.6
2 Floppy Joe NOO The Noodles 3:20.108 +9.78 2 0 10 10.4
3 Second Sock WET The Wet Socks 3:21.467 +11.13 3 0 10 11.4
4 Sweaty Gerald BEA The Beans 3:28.042 +17.71 6 +2 20 10.3
5 Old Gristle LMP Lump Patrol 3:31.508 +21.18 12 +7 42 11.7
6 Butter Bean BEA The Beans 3:31.875 +21.54 5 -1 17 11.0
7 Wide Load PCK The Pucks 3:31.908 +21.58 13 +6 37 11.8
8 Stubbs NUG The Nuggets 3:35.525 +25.19 9 +1 36 12.1
9 The Unit HEA Basement Heat 3:36.650 +26.32 8 -1 21 10.7
The Coaster WRECKED PCK The Pucks 14 +4 39 11.6
Crooked Pete WRECKED NOO The Noodles 1 -10 13 10.7
Honey Mustard FELL NUG The Nuggets 10 -2 37 21.3
Radiator WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 7 -6 13 10.8
Yolk WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 16 +2 12 10.8
Chunk WRECKED LMP Lump Patrol 11 -4 22 12.2
Tender Greg WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 15 -1 11 11.2
3.092
Wide Load is airborne! Recent finishes: 2-4-1-1-1.
10.050
Look at Yolk go.
15.500
Sweaty Gerald goes to the front. Career record: 2 wins from 331, average finish 7.4.
20.050
Butter Bean is coming through. Recent finishes: 5-13-8-10-5.
25.400
Up it goes.
30.050
The Coaster is on the move. Recent finishes: 1-4-7-1-1.
34.492
Floppy Joe is losing bits.
38.700
There goes a piece of Chunk.
44.100
And it all goes wrong.
48.400
Damp Kevin takes the lead.
53.825
Yolk is losing bits.
59.058
Chunk leaves something behind.
1:05.633
Crooked Pete leaves something behind. Recent finishes: 9-6-4-8-8.
1:10.050
They felt that in the back row.
1:14.292
Tender Greg is out.
1:19.050
Floppy Joe is losing bits.
1:24.975
They will not want to see that again.
1:29.708
Beautiful. Just beautiful.
1:34.017
It is coming apart now.
1:38.317
Beautiful. Just beautiful.
1:44.508
Yolk is out, and The Coaster did it.
1:50.050
Crooked Pete is coming through.
1:53.175
Chunk is out.
1:58.433
Up it goes.
2:02.767
Stubbs is airborne!
2:08.075
That is Stubbs taking Radiator with them.
2:13.942
Up it goes.
2:18.900
That is a long way off the ground.
2:24.892
Oh, that is a big one.
2:33.892
There goes a piece of The Coaster.
2:38.975
That was always going to happen.
2:44.142
Up it goes.
2:49.525
Old Gristle is airborne!
2:51.025
Last lap.
2:55.600
Extraordinary scenes.
3:04.000
Stripped to the shell.
3:07.333
Damp Kevin has it.
3:10.333
Damp Kevin wins the derby.
3:11.908
Crooked Pete will not be back.
3:16.208
There is nothing left of it.
3:21.742
That is real damage.
3:23.242
And that is The Coaster finished.
3:28.167
Absolute carnage.
3:36.450
There goes a piece of The Unit.
SectionSurfaceLeader at exitElapsedFastest through
Smooth Descent Clay Sweaty Gerald 20.600 Sweaty Gerald 20.600
Smooth Descent Clay Yolk 42.967 The Coaster 20.784
Smooth Descent Clay Damp Kevin 1:04.058 Damp Kevin 20.283
Smooth Descent Clay Damp Kevin 1:25.058 Damp Kevin 21.000
Smooth Descent Clay Damp Kevin 1:46.433 The Coaster 21.066
Smooth Descent Clay Damp Kevin 2:06.883 Damp Kevin 20.450
Smooth Descent Clay Damp Kevin 2:28.217 Honey Mustard 20.658
Smooth Descent Clay Damp Kevin 2:50.108 Floppy Joe 21.475
Smooth Descent Clay Damp Kevin 3:10.333 Damp Kevin 20.225
#TeamScoreFinishersPoints
1 WET The Wet Socks 4 2/2 8
2 BEA The Beans 10 2/2 7
3 NOO The Noodles 13 1/2 6
4 PCK The Pucks 17 1/2 5
5 LMP Lump Patrol 20 1/2 4
6 NUG The Nuggets 20 1/2 3
7 HEA Basement Heat 22 1/2 2
8 SFT The Soft Boys 30 0/2 1
Pack races score the sum of a team's best three finishing positions. Lower is better.

Race card

16 declared
3
Crooked Pete The Noodles
246 starts, 8 wins, average finish 8.8. Last five: 8-11-11-9-2.
140.68
12
Floppy Joe The Noodles
252 starts, 11 wins, average finish 9.1. Last five: 1-15-6-12-13.
139.95
2
Second Sock The Wet Socks
272 starts, 38 wins, average finish 4.0. Last five: 4-3-3-2-3.
2.25
4
Damp Kevin The Wet Socks
261 starts, 48 wins, average finish 3.8. Last five: 2-7-5-3-1.
2.70
22
Butter Bean The Beans
269 starts, 3 wins, average finish 8.8. Last five: 8-11-15-16-1.
162.92
8
Sweaty Gerald The Beans
244 starts, 0 wins, average finish 10.9. Last five: 7-12-10-12-7.
219.30
4
Radiator Basement Heat
275 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.1. Last five: 12-16-14-8-10.
219.30
1
The Unit Basement Heat
251 starts, 4 wins, average finish 7.6. Last five: 7-8-7-4-8.
51.79
7
Stubbs The Nuggets
254 starts, 15 wins, average finish 7.8. Last five: 9-1-12-9-4.
52.05
2
Honey Mustard The Nuggets
259 starts, 8 wins, average finish 8.1. Last five: 6-4-7-14-6.
76.70
5
Chunk Lump Patrol
217 starts, 6 wins, average finish 10.0. Last five: 14-7-14-10-10.
219.30
44
Old Gristle Lump Patrol
271 starts, 67 wins, average finish 4.9. Last five: 5-1-8-8-3.
9.03
4
Wide Load The Pucks
268 starts, 56 wins, average finish 5.1. Last five: 2-1-1-6-4.
7.73
3
The Coaster The Pucks
254 starts, 25 wins, average finish 7.7. Last five: 11-7-5-1-12.
108.35
6
Tender Greg The Soft Boys
253 starts, 1 win, average finish 14.4. Last five: 16-13-16-9-15.
219.30
0
Yolk The Soft Boys
252 starts, 0 wins, average finish 14.3. Last five: 15-15-16-16-16.
219.30

Course preview

6 sections · 135 m
Smooth Descent Smooth
30m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
38m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
11m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
8m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
11m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
38m ↓15°

A disused rolling mill with an oval laid through the old loading bay, and a gap in the wall under four metres wide. Sixteen arrive at that gap together, two get through, and the rest sort it out — nine times a race, in front of a crowd that has stopped pretending it came for any other reason. The wall is original ironwork and has never once been repainted, on the grounds that it would only want doing again by Tuesday. Standing room is capped for reasons the management prefers not to put in writing.

On the record

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