Paper Mogul Sports
Derby · Season 3 · Round 16

The Pinch — Team Pack Race

The Pinch Works · The Pinch · 135 m · 16 competitors Pinch points Steep banking
FULL TIME Fairness
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Carnage — The Coaster survives to win

The Coaster took The Pinch — Team Pack Race for the The Pucks. Damp Kevin finished second. 6 competitors failed to finish. The Wet Socks took the team honours.

#CompetitorTeamTimeGap Grid+/-ContactsTop speed
1 The Coaster PCK The Pucks 3:17.717 13 +12 37 12.1
2 Damp Kevin WET The Wet Socks 3:20.125 +2.41 4 +2 12 10.2
3 Second Sock WET The Wet Socks 3:21.133 +3.42 3 0 12 10.5
4 Big Randy NOO The Noodles 3:22.017 +4.30 1 -3 6 10.7
5 Custard SFT The Soft Boys 3:25.958 +8.24 15 +10 23 11.0
6 Old Gristle LMP Lump Patrol 3:31.900 +14.18 11 +5 34 12.0
7 Crawlspace HEA Basement Heat 3:33.883 +16.17 8 +1 22 10.5
8 Butter Bean BEA The Beans 3:34.108 +16.39 5 -3 16 10.5
9 Lil Nugget NUG The Nuggets 3:34.600 +16.88 9 0 44 11.7
10 The Unit HEA Basement Heat 3:35.642 +17.93 7 -3 18 11.0
Floppy Joe WRECKED NOO The Noodles 2 -9 13 10.5
Refried Ron WRECKED BEA The Beans 6 -6 13 10.5
Honey Mustard WRECKED NUG The Nuggets 10 -3 20 12.3
Puck Yeah WRECKED PCK The Pucks 14 0 15 11.3
Tender Greg WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 16 +1 11 11.1
Gravy FELL LMP Lump Patrol 12 -4 5 22.9
4.000
A new leader — Tender Greg. Career record: 0 wins from 87, average finish 6.2.
9.200
Lil Nugget is airborne! Recent finishes: 2-13-2-3-4.
14.875
There goes a piece of Honey Mustard.
20.050
There is nothing left of it.
24.300
The Coaster goes to the front. Career record: 38 wins from 88, average finish 3.2.
30.050
Look at Old Gristle go. Recent finishes: 3-1-2-4-2.
37.042
You do not see that every day. Recent finishes: 5-7-6-5-14.
45.175
You do not see that every day.
49.525
That is a long way off the ground.
54.450
Puck Yeah leaves something behind.
59.100
Stripped to the shell.
1:05.817
Tender Greg will not take much more.
1:07.317
Old Gristle has put Tender Greg out.
1:12.125
That is a long way off the ground.
1:18.325
Absolute carnage.
1:25.175
That is real damage.
1:28.758
And that is Puck Yeah finished.
1:33.125
They will not want to see that again.
1:39.575
There goes a piece of The Coaster.
1:44.325
Honey Mustard will not take much more.
1:51.117
Wrecked, and out of the race.
1:58.933
Up it goes.
2:00.433
Wrecked, and out of the race.
2:07.117
There is nothing left of it.
2:14.842
There goes a piece of Big Randy.
2:19.217
Somebody is going to have to sweep that up.
2:23.517
Somebody is going to have to sweep that up.
2:30.050
Lil Nugget is going backwards.
2:36.000
Somebody is going to have to sweep that up.
2:40.750
That was always going to happen.
2:46.208
Somebody is going to have to sweep that up.
2:50.542
Up it goes.
2:56.875
This is the last of it.
2:59.783
And that is Floppy Joe finished.
3:06.783
Custard is losing bits.
3:11.092
Old Gristle is airborne!
3:14.717
Here comes The Coaster.
3:17.717
The Coaster wins the derby.
3:25.667
Absolute carnage.
SectionSurfaceLeader at exitElapsedFastest through
Smooth Descent Clay Gravy 19.608 Gravy 19.608
Smooth Descent Clay The Coaster 43.225 The Coaster 22.083
Smooth Descent Clay The Coaster 1:06.692 Lil Nugget 21.275
Smooth Descent Clay The Coaster 1:30.125 Honey Mustard 19.342
Smooth Descent Clay The Coaster 1:51.250 Floppy Joe 21.117
Smooth Descent Clay The Coaster 2:12.017 Damp Kevin 19.958
Smooth Descent Clay The Coaster 2:33.817 Second Sock 21.200
Smooth Descent Clay The Coaster 2:56.875 Second Sock 21.566
Smooth Descent Clay The Coaster 3:17.717 The Coaster 20.842
#TeamScoreFinishersPoints
1 WET The Wet Socks 5 2/2 8
2 PCK The Pucks 15 1/2 7
3 NOO The Noodles 15 1/2 6
4 HEA Basement Heat 17 2/2 5
5 SFT The Soft Boys 20 1/2 4
6 BEA The Beans 20 1/2 3
7 LMP Lump Patrol 22 1/2 2
8 NUG The Nuggets 22 1/2 1
Pack races score the sum of a team's best three finishing positions. Lower is better.

Race card

16 declared
1
Big Randy The Noodles
58 starts, 2 wins, average finish 6.5. Last five: 5-4-8-15-2.
17.11
12
Floppy Joe The Noodles
41 starts, 4 wins, average finish 7.5. Last five: 1-15-1-3-7.
32.72
2
Second Sock The Wet Socks
48 starts, 5 wins, average finish 4.1. Last five: 2-4-7-6-2.
3.13
4
Damp Kevin The Wet Socks
57 starts, 7 wins, average finish 3.7. Last five: 4-2-2-3-4.
2.34
22
Butter Bean The Beans
57 starts, 1 win, average finish 8.6. Last five: 6-11-13-8-10.
89.26
5
Refried Ron The Beans
44 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.0. Last five: 12-13-13-15-12.
219.30
1
The Unit Basement Heat
45 starts, 2 wins, average finish 6.8. Last five: 7-5-9-6-3.
24.61
13
Crawlspace Basement Heat
55 starts, 0 wins, average finish 8.6. Last five: 13-6-8-4-10.
123.34
0
Lil Nugget The Nuggets
57 starts, 1 win, average finish 8.6. Last five: 8-7-9-12-10.
117.02
2
Honey Mustard The Nuggets
43 starts, 1 win, average finish 7.7. Last five: 6-12-12-2-6.
60.74
44
Old Gristle Lump Patrol
57 starts, 17 wins, average finish 4.4. Last five: 3-1-1-3-5.
5.50
17
Gravy Lump Patrol
56 starts, 7 wins, average finish 7.6. Last five: 5-1-11-5-2.
65.37
3
The Coaster The Pucks
54 starts, 5 wins, average finish 8.4. Last five: 10-13-3-11-10.
188.85
69
Puck Yeah The Pucks
52 starts, 2 wins, average finish 12.4. Last five: 15-9-15-15-9.
219.30
21
Custard The Soft Boys
47 starts, 3 wins, average finish 7.8. Last five: 5-3-11-10-5.
60.72
6
Tender Greg The Soft Boys
55 starts, 0 wins, average finish 14.7. Last five: 16-14-16-16-10.
219.30

Course preview

6 sections · 135 m
Smooth Descent Smooth
30m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
38m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
11m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
8m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
11m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
38m ↓15°

A disused rolling mill with an oval laid through the old loading bay, and a gap in the wall under four metres wide. Sixteen arrive at that gap together, two get through, and the rest sort it out — nine times a race, in front of a crowd that has stopped pretending it came for any other reason. The wall is original ironwork and has never once been repainted, on the grounds that it would only want doing again by Tuesday. Standing room is capped for reasons the management prefers not to put in writing.

On the record

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