Paper Mogul Sports
Derby · Season 3 · Round 43

The Wall — Team Pack Race

The Board Track · The Wall · 101 m · 16 competitors Steep banking
FULL TIME Fairness
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Carnage — Old Gristle survives to win

Old Gristle took The Wall — Team Pack Race for the Lump Patrol. Stubbs finished second. 9 competitors failed to finish. Lump Patrol took the team honours.

#CompetitorTeamTimeGap Grid+/-ContactsTop speed
1 Old Gristle LMP Lump Patrol 3:02.850 12 +11 40 13.0
2 Stubbs NUG The Nuggets 3:09.375 +6.53 9 +7 40 13.0
3 The Unit HEA Basement Heat 3:16.633 +13.78 8 +5 38 11.6
4 Damp Kevin WET The Wet Socks 3:18.258 +15.41 3 -1 12 11.1
5 Long John NOO The Noodles 3:18.633 +15.78 2 -3 15 10.9
6 The Heel WET The Wet Socks 3:18.683 +15.83 4 -2 17 11.4
7 Floppy Joe NOO The Noodles 3:19.675 +16.83 1 -6 11 11.1
Gravy WRECKED LMP Lump Patrol 11 +3 37 12.5
Sweaty Gerald WRECKED BEA The Beans 6 -3 27 11.7
The Kidney WRECKED BEA The Beans 5 -5 23 11.5
Puck Yeah WRECKED PCK The Pucks 14 +3 21 12.5
Slapper WRECKED PCK The Pucks 13 +1 23 13.2
Honey Mustard WRECKED NUG The Nuggets 10 -3 21 12.0
Squish WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 15 +1 21 12.0
Radiator WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 7 -8 13 11.4
Tender Greg WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 16 0 10 11.5
2.308
Tender Greg is airborne!
7.283
That is a long way off the ground.
13.050
A new leader — Radiator. Career record: 1 wins from 109, average finish 7.2.
18.800
That has come off.
23.967
They will not want to see that again. Recent finishes: 1-2-1-3-4.
30.467
There is nothing left of it. Recent finishes: 3-2-2-1-3.
38.042
Stripped to the shell.
42.067
Tender Greg is out.
47.025
Squish leaves something behind. Recent finishes: 6-15-3-4-3.
48.525
Radiator will not be back.
54.842
Sweaty Gerald leaves something behind. Recent finishes: 4-4-8-8-5.
1:00.050
Look at Damp Kevin go.
1:06.467
And that is Squish finished.
1:10.767
Gravy is losing bits.
1:16.208
Slapper will not take much more.
1:20.692
Honey Mustard is in trouble.
1:22.192
Honey Mustard will not be back.
1:27.308
Oh, that is a big one.
1:29.833
Wrecked, and out of the race.
1:34.442
Old Gristle is airborne!
1:38.900
Sweaty Gerald leaves something behind.
1:43.450
There is nothing protecting The Kidney now.
1:48.475
You do not see that every day.
1:58.100
Up it goes.
2:02.692
Sweaty Gerald will not take much more.
2:08.708
That is a long way off the ground.
2:10.208
Sweaty Gerald is out.
2:13.083
The Heel has put The Kidney out.
2:20.525
Gravy leaves something behind.
2:24.833
Gravy is in trouble.
2:29.392
Stripped to the shell.
2:33.825
Puck Yeah is in trouble.
2:38.000
Gravy is out.
2:39.958
Puck Yeah is out.
2:47.067
This is the last of it.
2:53.592
They felt that in the back row.
2:59.533
That is a long way off the ground.
2:59.850
Old Gristle has it.
3:02.850
Old Gristle takes it!
3:11.642
There goes a piece of Floppy Joe.
3:19.292
They will not want to see that again.
SectionSurfaceLeader at exitElapsedFastest through
Smooth Descent Boards Radiator 14.300 Radiator 14.300
Smooth Descent Boards Puck Yeah 28.533 Puck Yeah 12.308
Smooth Descent Boards Gravy 45.050 The Unit 15.100
Smooth Descent Boards Gravy 1:01.117 Stubbs 14.242
Smooth Descent Boards Gravy 1:15.875 Slapper 11.733
Smooth Descent Boards Slapper 1:29.392 Slapper 12.634
Smooth Descent Boards Gravy 1:45.958 The Kidney 15.116
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 2:03.392 Old Gristle 14.967
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 2:17.150 Old Gristle 13.758
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 2:33.417 Stubbs 14.791
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 2:47.067 Old Gristle 13.650
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 3:02.850 Stubbs 12.858
#TeamScoreFinishersPoints
1 LMP Lump Patrol 9 1/2 8
2 WET The Wet Socks 10 2/2 7
3 NOO The Noodles 12 2/2 6
4 NUG The Nuggets 15 1/2 5
5 HEA Basement Heat 18 1/2 4
6 BEA The Beans 19 0/2 3
7 PCK The Pucks 23 0/2 2
8 SFT The Soft Boys 30 0/2 1
Pack races score the sum of a team's best three finishing positions. Lower is better.

Race card

16 declared
12
Floppy Joe The Noodles
57 starts, 4 wins, average finish 7.9. Last five: 4-15-7-7-10.
59.45
7
Long John The Noodles
62 starts, 4 wins, average finish 5.2. Last five: 3-8-1-2-9.
5.10
4
Damp Kevin The Wet Socks
68 starts, 8 wins, average finish 3.7. Last five: 3-4-3-4-7.
2.07
9
The Heel The Wet Socks
52 starts, 5 wins, average finish 5.5. Last five: 4-3-10-9-10.
10.48
6
The Kidney The Beans
61 starts, 0 wins, average finish 10.3. Last five: 16-4-9-12-8.
219.30
8
Sweaty Gerald The Beans
64 starts, 0 wins, average finish 11.0. Last five: 8-12-15-16-11.
219.30
4
Radiator Basement Heat
77 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.1. Last five: 13-13-14-14-16.
219.30
1
The Unit Basement Heat
59 starts, 2 wins, average finish 7.0. Last five: 13-7-6-7-11.
14.59
7
Stubbs The Nuggets
64 starts, 5 wins, average finish 8.2. Last five: 6-12-5-10-1.
47.36
2
Honey Mustard The Nuggets
60 starts, 1 win, average finish 7.7. Last five: 14-11-2-2-7.
75.15
17
Gravy Lump Patrol
70 starts, 10 wins, average finish 7.1. Last five: 4-9-2-1-9.
24.63
44
Old Gristle Lump Patrol
75 starts, 19 wins, average finish 4.8. Last five: 7-2-2-16-7.
5.33
8
Slapper The Pucks
59 starts, 4 wins, average finish 8.4. Last five: 10-8-9-12-2.
116.74
69
Puck Yeah The Pucks
65 starts, 2 wins, average finish 12.2. Last five: 15-11-9-15-13.
219.30
2
Squish The Soft Boys
63 starts, 0 wins, average finish 11.4. Last five: 9-14-14-15-13.
219.30
6
Tender Greg The Soft Boys
70 starts, 0 wins, average finish 14.7. Last five: 16-15-16-16-15.
219.30

Course preview

4 sections · 101 m
Smooth Descent Smooth
16m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
35m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
16m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
35m ↓15°

A velodrome that took a wrong turn somewhere and never came back. Twenty-six degrees of varnished pine holds the entire field at exactly the same radius whether anybody likes it or not, so the only way past a rival is straight through them. Nothing here chooses its own line; the banking chooses it, and the banking has no favourites and takes no notes. The boards were reclaimed from a real velodrome in 1991 and still carry the original lap markings under the tyre rubber, which no competitor has ever had a spare moment to read.

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