Paper Mogul Sports
Derby · Season 4 · Round 17

Washboard Ring — Team Pack Race

Washboard Yard · Washboard Ring · 135 m · 16 competitors Steep banking
FULL TIME Fairness
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Carnage — Old Gristle survives to win

Old Gristle took Washboard Ring — Team Pack Race for the Lump Patrol. Wide Load finished second. 12 competitors failed to finish. Lump Patrol took the team honours.

#CompetitorTeamTimeGap Grid+/-ContactsTop speed
1 Old Gristle LMP Lump Patrol 3:40.292 12 +11 45 11.5
2 Wide Load PCK The Pucks 3:41.317 +1.03 14 +12 48 12.5
3 The Unit HEA Basement Heat 3:54.233 +13.94 7 +4 69 10.6
4 Butter Bean BEA The Beans 3:55.492 +15.20 6 +2 69 11.0
Honey Mustard WRECKED NUG The Nuggets 10 +5 41 12.3
Stubbs RUNNING NUG The Nuggets 9 +3 53 11.4
Gravy WRECKED LMP Lump Patrol 11 +4 29 11.2
Slapper WRECKED PCK The Pucks 13 +5 27 12.1
Tube Sock RUNNING WET The Wet Socks 3 -6 27 10.4
The Heel WRECKED WET The Wet Socks 4 -6 19 10.3
Big Randy WRECKED NOO The Noodles 1 -10 15 10.5
Squish WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 15 +3 15 11.3
Crooked Pete WRECKED NOO The Noodles 2 -11 13 10.6
Pilot Light WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 8 -6 12 10.2
Yolk WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 16 +1 11 10.7
Sweaty Gerald WRECKED BEA The Beans 5 -11 17 9.9
1.850
You do not see that every day.
6.150
And it all goes wrong. Recent finishes: 4-6-1-9-2.
12.192
Yolk is losing bits.
17.600
Gravy is airborne! Recent finishes: 1-12-2-2-3.
22.050
That has come off. Recent finishes: 10-5-5-7-8.
26.517
And it all goes wrong.
31.692
And that is Yolk finished.
33.192
Butter Bean has put Sweaty Gerald out.
38.325
Somebody is going to have to sweep that up.
46.683
Pilot Light is out.
51.283
That has come off. Recent finishes: 5-6-8-7-7.
52.783
Squish is out, and Gravy did it.
54.283
Crooked Pete will not be back.
56.483
Big Randy is out, and Butter Bean did it. Recent finishes: 6-14-7-7-8.
1:01.283
Extraordinary scenes.
1:06.642
They felt that in the back row.
1:12.167
That has come off.
1:13.667
That is Wide Load taking The Heel with them.
1:19.467
Honey Mustard leaves something behind.
1:25.217
They will not want to see that again.
1:31.750
That is a long way off the ground.
1:37.067
Old Gristle leaves something behind.
1:41.400
Honey Mustard is losing bits.
1:47.775
Somebody is going to have to sweep that up.
1:54.917
Gravy is airborne!
2:00.225
Wide Load is losing bits.
2:04.425
Stubbs has stalled.
2:09.250
That was always going to happen.
2:15.700
Honey Mustard is airborne!
2:18.458
And that is Slapper finished.
2:23.300
Wide Load takes the lead.
2:28.983
Stubbs leaves something behind.
2:33.850
A new leader — Gravy.
2:36.775
Wrecked, and out of the race.
2:41.050
Up it goes.
2:50.975
Honey Mustard is airborne!
2:58.500
Old Gristle takes the lead.
3:03.567
Extraordinary scenes.
3:08.075
That was always going to happen.
3:15.492
This is the last of it.
3:19.317
That is Wide Load taking Honey Mustard with them.
3:29.933
Up it goes.
3:34.742
Up it goes.
3:37.292
Old Gristle is coming to the flag.
3:39.458
They will not want to see that again.
3:40.958
Old Gristle takes it!
3:55.808
Stubbs is airborne!
4:20.492
Stubbs is airborne!
SectionSurfaceLeader at exitElapsedFastest through
Smooth Descent Clay Slapper 21.725 Slapper 21.725
Smooth Descent Clay Slapper 45.675 Old Gristle 23.333
Smooth Descent Clay Slapper 1:08.750 Honey Mustard 22.884
Smooth Descent Clay Slapper 1:34.317 Gravy 21.300
Smooth Descent Clay Slapper 1:55.758 Slapper 21.441
Smooth Descent Clay Wide Load 2:23.592 Gravy 23.083
Smooth Descent Clay Old Gristle 2:48.775 Old Gristle 23.892
Smooth Descent Clay Old Gristle 3:15.492 Butter Bean 25.242
Smooth Descent Clay Old Gristle 3:40.292 Old Gristle 24.800
#TeamScoreFinishersPoints
1 LMP Lump Patrol 8 1/2 8
2 PCK The Pucks 10 1/2 7
3 NUG The Nuggets 11 0/2 6
4 HEA Basement Heat 17 1/2 5
5 WET The Wet Socks 19 0/2 4
6 BEA The Beans 20 1/2 3
7 NOO The Noodles 24 0/2 2
8 SFT The Soft Boys 27 0/2 1
Pack races score the sum of a team's best three finishing positions. Lower is better.

Race card

16 declared
1
Big Randy The Noodles
77 starts, 3 wins, average finish 6.4. Last five: 3-2-6-5-10.
20.04
3
Crooked Pete The Noodles
75 starts, 1 win, average finish 8.9. Last five: 3-15-12-12-13.
219.30
11
Tube Sock The Wet Socks
80 starts, 12 wins, average finish 4.3. Last five: 9-1-5-1-1.
2.99
9
The Heel The Wet Socks
60 starts, 6 wins, average finish 5.7. Last five: 1-2-6-14-11.
18.95
8
Sweaty Gerald The Beans
74 starts, 0 wins, average finish 11.1. Last five: 13-12-11-7-8.
219.30
22
Butter Bean The Beans
87 starts, 1 win, average finish 8.8. Last five: 12-6-9-16-5.
70.75
1
The Unit Basement Heat
69 starts, 2 wins, average finish 7.2. Last five: 15-10-13-6-3.
30.19
9
Pilot Light Basement Heat
69 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.5. Last five: 11-15-15-12-8.
219.30
7
Stubbs The Nuggets
72 starts, 6 wins, average finish 7.8. Last five: 3-12-2-3-1.
12.43
2
Honey Mustard The Nuggets
73 starts, 3 wins, average finish 7.7. Last five: 1-8-7-8-12.
25.14
17
Gravy Lump Patrol
79 starts, 11 wins, average finish 7.2. Last five: 10-1-11-4-10.
28.93
44
Old Gristle Lump Patrol
86 starts, 22 wins, average finish 4.9. Last five: 9-7-9-1-1.
5.05
8
Slapper The Pucks
66 starts, 4 wins, average finish 8.4. Last five: 10-12-6-9-9.
84.70
4
Wide Load The Pucks
74 starts, 15 wins, average finish 5.2. Last five: 2-8-5-4-6.
3.54
2
Squish The Soft Boys
74 starts, 0 wins, average finish 11.4. Last five: 7-8-15-11-14.
219.30
0
Yolk The Soft Boys
74 starts, 0 wins, average finish 14.2. Last five: 14-14-14-15-16.
219.30

Course preview

6 sections · 135 m
Smooth Descent Smooth
8m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
14m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
8m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
38m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
30m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
38m ↓15°

Fourteen metres of corrugated deck plate laid across the main straight, crossed nine times a race. Nobody is ever taken out by it and nobody ever finishes intact — it does not wreck you, it disassembles you, one rivet at a time, and hands the pieces back at the flag. By the last lap the difference between a finisher and a heap of parts is simply who crossed it more cleanly. The stand sells earplugs at the gate; the noise is not a side effect, it is the attraction.

On the record

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