Paper Mogul Sports
Derby · Season 4 · Round 20

The Long Mile — Team Pack Race

Long Mile Basin · The Long Mile · 161 m · 16 competitors Uphill section Steep banking
FULL TIME Fairness
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Carnage — Old Gristle survives to win

Old Gristle took The Long Mile — Team Pack Race for the Lump Patrol. Custard finished second. 9 competitors failed to finish. The Nuggets took the team honours.

#CompetitorTeamTimeGap Grid+/-ContactsTop speed
1 Old Gristle LMP Lump Patrol 3:30.242 11 +10 31 11.7
2 Custard SFT The Soft Boys 3:35.192 +4.95 16 +14 31 11.7
3 Stubbs NUG The Nuggets 3:36.558 +6.32 9 +6 34 12.0
4 Big Randy NOO The Noodles 3:44.917 +14.68 2 -2 17 11.1
5 Damp Kevin WET The Wet Socks 3:45.383 +15.14 3 -2 16 10.6
6 Thick Rick NUG The Nuggets 3:47.417 +17.18 10 +4 35 11.8
7 The Unit HEA Basement Heat 4:00.017 +29.78 8 +1 30 10.8
The Heel WRECKED WET The Wet Socks 4 -4 16 10.6
Sweaty Gerald WRECKED BEA The Beans 6 -3 29 10.9
Chunk WRECKED LMP Lump Patrol 12 +2 26 12.2
The Coaster WRECKED PCK The Pucks 13 +2 28 12.2
Squish WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 15 +3 23 11.6
Crooked Pete WRECKED NOO The Noodles 1 -12 13 10.7
Radiator WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 7 -7 12 10.7
Refried Ron WRECKED BEA The Beans 5 -10 13 10.8
Puck Yeah WRECKED PCK The Pucks 14 -2 9 12.5
2.317
They will not want to see that again.
8.900
That is a long way off the ground.
13.608
Crooked Pete leaves something behind.
20.050
Look at Old Gristle go.
25.133
That is a long way off the ground.
30.050
Thick Rick is on the move.
34.425
The Coaster is losing bits.
38.858
That has come off.
42.033
Puck Yeah is out.
46.342
Up it goes.
51.592
Thick Rick is airborne!
58.658
That has come off. Recent finishes: 5-8-9-8-4.
1:03.875
You do not see that every day.
1:08.508
Chunk is losing bits. Recent finishes: 1-10-2-3-1.
1:13.592
Squish leaves something behind. Recent finishes: 4-16-4-3-6.
1:19.058
Beautiful. Just beautiful. Recent finishes: 14-3-8-5-3.
1:24.358
There goes a piece of Stubbs.
1:29.767
Absolute carnage. Recent finishes: 6-4-7-7-16.
1:34.433
You do not see that every day.
1:35.933
Wrecked, and out of the race.
1:40.600
Extraordinary scenes.
1:45.317
And it all goes wrong.
1:52.017
The Heel leaves something behind.
1:57.850
Chunk is airborne!
2:02.492
Up it goes.
2:06.767
That is The Coaster taking Crooked Pete with them.
2:08.475
And that is Squish finished.
2:10.542
Big Randy has put The Coaster out.
2:12.842
Sweaty Gerald has put Radiator out.
2:20.050
They will not want to see that again.
2:26.775
That has come off.
2:31.500
A new leader — Old Gristle.
2:36.350
You do not see that every day.
2:41.175
Oh, that is a big one.
2:46.450
There goes a piece of Custard.
2:49.125
Chunk will not be back.
2:54.108
The Heel is in trouble.
3:03.133
Custard is airborne!
3:07.100
Last lap.
3:12.108
Beautiful. Just beautiful.
3:18.617
The Unit leaves something behind.
3:20.117
Wrecked, and out of the race.
3:21.617
The Heel will not be back.
3:26.283
You do not see that every day.
3:27.242
Old Gristle has it.
3:30.242
Old Gristle wins the derby.
3:34.517
Big Randy has nothing left on it.
SectionSurfaceLeader at exitElapsedFastest through
Smooth Descent Clay Old Gristle 20.967 Old Gristle 20.967
Smooth Descent Clay Old Gristle 44.533 Chunk 22.341
Smooth Descent Clay Chunk 1:06.417 Chunk 20.784
Smooth Descent Clay Old Gristle 1:30.275 Stubbs 21.258
Smooth Descent Clay Old Gristle 1:53.875 Old Gristle 23.600
Smooth Descent Clay Old Gristle 2:18.350 Stubbs 22.542
Smooth Descent Clay Old Gristle 2:42.067 Chunk 21.966
Smooth Descent Clay Old Gristle 3:07.100 Thick Rick 22.458
#TeamScoreFinishersPoints
1 NUG The Nuggets 9 2/2 8
2 LMP Lump Patrol 11 1/2 7
3 WET The Wet Socks 13 1/2 6
4 SFT The Soft Boys 14 1/2 5
5 NOO The Noodles 17 1/2 4
6 HEA Basement Heat 21 1/2 3
7 BEA The Beans 24 0/2 2
8 PCK The Pucks 27 0/2 1
Pack races score the sum of a team's best three finishing positions. Lower is better.

Race card

16 declared
3
Crooked Pete The Noodles
76 starts, 1 win, average finish 9.0. Last five: 12-3-15-12-12.
203.16
1
Big Randy The Noodles
79 starts, 3 wins, average finish 6.3. Last five: 6-4-3-2-6.
10.51
4
Damp Kevin The Wet Socks
82 starts, 10 wins, average finish 3.7. Last five: 3-4-3-1-4.
1.86
9
The Heel The Wet Socks
60 starts, 6 wins, average finish 5.7. Last five: 1-2-6-14-11.
10.74
5
Refried Ron The Beans
68 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.1. Last five: 16-14-14-10-14.
219.30
8
Sweaty Gerald The Beans
74 starts, 0 wins, average finish 11.1. Last five: 13-12-11-7-8.
219.30
4
Radiator Basement Heat
88 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.1. Last five: 15-15-15-10-9.
219.30
1
The Unit Basement Heat
70 starts, 3 wins, average finish 7.1. Last five: 1-15-10-13-6.
19.65
7
Stubbs The Nuggets
72 starts, 6 wins, average finish 7.8. Last five: 3-12-2-3-1.
12.83
33
Thick Rick The Nuggets
78 starts, 3 wins, average finish 7.4. Last five: 14-7-3-9-3.
18.34
44
Old Gristle Lump Patrol
89 starts, 22 wins, average finish 5.0. Last five: 10-10-8-9-7.
5.86
5
Chunk Lump Patrol
62 starts, 2 wins, average finish 10.2. Last five: 5-15-1-11-10.
219.30
3
The Coaster The Pucks
83 starts, 8 wins, average finish 8.3. Last five: 9-8-11-3-7.
70.54
69
Puck Yeah The Pucks
80 starts, 3 wins, average finish 12.0. Last five: 11-13-7-12-12.
219.30
2
Squish The Soft Boys
75 starts, 0 wins, average finish 11.3. Last five: 7-7-8-15-11.
219.30
21
Custard The Soft Boys
70 starts, 4 wins, average finish 7.5. Last five: 9-5-6-2-2.
31.06

Course preview

5 sections · 161 m
Smooth Descent Smooth
30m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
50m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
15m ↓13°
Smooth Descent Smooth
15m ↑13°
Smooth Descent Smooth
50m ↓15°

The endurance one, cut into the floor of an old quarry — the biggest lap on the calendar, with a real hill in the back straight that has to be climbed nine times. This is attrition rather than carnage: a Chunkle that has shed half its rind has also shed the momentum to get up the hill, and simply stops being a competitor somewhere on the slope. Races here are won by the patient and finished by almost nobody. The quarry has, everyone agrees, excellent natural acoustics for the sound of something giving up.

On the record

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