Paper Mogul Sports
Derby · Season 4 · Round 26

The Pinch — Team Pack Race

The Pinch Works · The Pinch · 135 m · 16 competitors Pinch points Steep banking
FULL TIME Fairness
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Carnage — The Heel survives to win

The Heel took The Pinch — Team Pack Race for the The Wet Socks. Wide Load finished second. 7 competitors failed to finish. The Wet Socks took the team honours.

#CompetitorTeamTimeGap Grid+/-ContactsTop speed
1 The Heel WET The Wet Socks 3:11.742 4 +3 11 10.9
2 Wide Load PCK The Pucks 3:19.900 +8.16 13 +11 40 11.6
3 Floppy Joe NOO The Noodles 3:21.183 +9.44 1 -2 11 10.7
4 Tube Sock WET The Wet Socks 3:21.217 +9.48 3 -1 9 10.3
5 Old Gristle LMP Lump Patrol 3:22.892 +11.15 11 +6 38 11.6
6 The Lieutenant LMP Lump Patrol 3:28.875 +17.13 12 +6 42 11.3
7 Honey Mustard NUG The Nuggets 3:32.100 +20.36 10 +3 43 11.5
8 Stubbs NUG The Nuggets 3:32.475 +20.73 9 +1 44 11.0
9 Crawlspace HEA Basement Heat 3:34.433 +22.69 7 -2 28 10.4
Crooked Pete WRECKED NOO The Noodles 2 -8 14 10.7
Sweaty Gerald WRECKED BEA The Beans 6 -5 17 10.5
Tender Greg WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 16 +4 12 11.4
Slapper WRECKED PCK The Pucks 14 +1 17 11.3
Yolk WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 15 +1 12 11.6
Refried Ron WRECKED BEA The Beans 5 -10 12 10.5
Radiator WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 8 -8 13 10.5
3.092
Wide Load is airborne!
8.100
And it all goes wrong. Recent finishes: 12-7-8-8-11.
12.550
Tender Greg leaves something behind.
19.042
They will not want to see that again.
23.358
That is a long way off the ground.
30.050
Look at the state of it. Recent finishes: 2-11-2-1-2.
34.858
Yolk is losing bits.
40.050
Tube Sock is coming through.
45.917
That has come off.
50.283
That is a long way off the ground.
56.992
It is coming apart now.
1:01.475
That is real damage. Recent finishes: 6-4-5-8-9.
1:06.675
There is nothing left of it. Recent finishes: 2-12-2-3-1.
1:10.925
Somebody is going to have to sweep that up. Recent finishes: 2-11-2-1-2.
1:12.425
Refried Ron will not be back.
1:13.925
And that is Radiator finished.
1:15.667
Yolk is out, and Old Gristle did it.
1:20.050
Tender Greg is on the move.
1:21.550
Slapper is out.
1:30.050
You do not see that every day.
1:35.025
That has come off.
1:40.758
That is a long way off the ground.
1:42.258
And that is Tender Greg finished.
1:46.725
Look at the state of it.
1:53.567
There goes a piece of Crooked Pete.
1:58.142
Crawlspace leaves something behind.
2:02.450
Absolute carnage.
2:06.767
Wide Load leaves something behind.
2:11.417
That has come off.
2:15.817
Crooked Pete has nothing left on it.
2:21.667
Oh, that is a big one.
2:26.483
That is a long way off the ground.
2:34.125
Sweaty Gerald will not take much more.
2:39.017
The Heel leaves something behind.
2:45.492
Sweaty Gerald is in trouble.
2:46.992
Sweaty Gerald will not be back.
2:49.867
This is the last of it.
2:54.317
Up it goes.
2:59.783
Stripped to the shell.
3:01.283
Crooked Pete is out, and Floppy Joe did it.
3:08.742
The Heel is coming to the flag.
3:09.058
Wide Load leaves something behind.
3:11.742
The Heel takes it!
3:16.258
There goes a piece of Crawlspace.
3:20.508
Look at the state of it.
3:34.208
Oh, that is a big one.
SectionSurfaceLeader at exitElapsedFastest through
Smooth Descent Clay Slapper 20.875 Slapper 20.875
Smooth Descent Clay The Heel 41.508 Wide Load 20.100
Smooth Descent Clay The Heel 1:03.250 Wide Load 19.667
Smooth Descent Clay The Heel 1:24.475 Tender Greg 21.050
Smooth Descent Clay The Heel 1:46.108 Old Gristle 19.517
Smooth Descent Clay The Heel 2:08.133 Wide Load 21.508
Smooth Descent Clay The Heel 2:28.950 The Heel 20.817
Smooth Descent Clay The Heel 2:49.867 The Heel 20.917
Smooth Descent Clay The Heel 3:11.742 Floppy Joe 21.283
#TeamScoreFinishersPoints
1 WET The Wet Socks 5 2/2 8
2 LMP Lump Patrol 11 2/2 7
3 NOO The Noodles 13 1/2 6
4 PCK The Pucks 15 1/2 5
5 NUG The Nuggets 15 2/2 4
6 HEA Basement Heat 25 1/2 3
7 BEA The Beans 26 0/2 2
8 SFT The Soft Boys 26 0/2 1
Pack races score the sum of a team's best three finishing positions. Lower is better.

Race card

16 declared
12
Floppy Joe The Noodles
75 starts, 4 wins, average finish 8.3. Last five: 2-13-12-12-15.
85.14
3
Crooked Pete The Noodles
79 starts, 1 win, average finish 8.9. Last five: 3-13-4-12-3.
75.39
11
Tube Sock The Wet Socks
85 starts, 12 wins, average finish 4.4. Last five: 4-9-2-4-7.
2.69
9
The Heel The Wet Socks
64 starts, 7 wins, average finish 5.7. Last five: 1-10-4-3-1.
5.27
5
Refried Ron The Beans
71 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.1. Last five: 12-13-15-16-14.
219.30
8
Sweaty Gerald The Beans
79 starts, 0 wins, average finish 11.2. Last five: 11-16-13-16-12.
219.30
13
Crawlspace Basement Heat
77 starts, 0 wins, average finish 8.6. Last five: 13-9-11-9-9.
106.28
4
Radiator Basement Heat
90 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.1. Last five: 10-13-15-15-15.
219.30
7
Stubbs The Nuggets
75 starts, 6 wins, average finish 7.8. Last five: 9-6-11-3-12.
40.73
2
Honey Mustard The Nuggets
75 starts, 3 wins, average finish 7.6. Last five: 5-8-1-8-7.
35.50
44
Old Gristle Lump Patrol
93 starts, 24 wins, average finish 5.0. Last five: 1-8-1-8-10.
8.64
10
The Lieutenant Lump Patrol
73 starts, 15 wins, average finish 5.0. Last five: 4-5-2-6-5.
4.26
4
Wide Load The Pucks
80 starts, 16 wins, average finish 5.3. Last five: 2-6-7-11-1.
7.57
8
Slapper The Pucks
72 starts, 6 wins, average finish 8.4. Last five: 13-8-14-1-1.
148.35
0
Yolk The Soft Boys
76 starts, 0 wins, average finish 14.2. Last five: 14-15-14-14-14.
219.30
6
Tender Greg The Soft Boys
90 starts, 0 wins, average finish 14.8. Last five: 16-16-16-15-16.
219.30

Course preview

6 sections · 135 m
Smooth Descent Smooth
30m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
38m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
11m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
8m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
11m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
38m ↓15°

A disused rolling mill with an oval laid through the old loading bay, and a gap in the wall under four metres wide. Sixteen arrive at that gap together, two get through, and the rest sort it out — nine times a race, in front of a crowd that has stopped pretending it came for any other reason. The wall is original ironwork and has never once been repainted, on the grounds that it would only want doing again by Tuesday. Standing room is capped for reasons the management prefers not to put in writing.

On the record

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