Paper Mogul Sports
Derby · Season 4 · Round 47

The Crucible

Crossbones Field · The Crucible · 161 m · 16 competitors Crossing traffic Track furniture Uphill section Steep banking
CHAMPIONSHIP FULL TIME Fairness
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Carnage — Damp Kevin survives to win

Damp Kevin took The Crucible for the The Wet Socks. Long John finished second. 12 competitors failed to finish. The Wet Socks took the team honours.

#CompetitorTeamTimeGap Grid+/-ContactsTop speed
1 Damp Kevin WET The Wet Socks 3:43.117 3 +2 21 10.4
2 Long John NOO The Noodles 3:49.575 +6.46 1 -1 23 10.6
3 Wide Load PCK The Pucks 3:55.175 +12.06 14 +11 40 11.7
4 Old Gristle LMP Lump Patrol 3:58.383 +15.27 12 +8 42 11.2
The Unit RUNNING HEA Basement Heat 8 +3 28 10.8
The Heel WRECKED WET The Wet Socks 4 -2 19 10.9
Chunk WRECKED LMP Lump Patrol 11 +4 31 10.4
The Coaster WRECKED PCK The Pucks 13 +5 25 11.7
Sweaty Gerald WRECKED BEA The Beans 5 -4 21 10.1
Lil Nugget WRECKED NUG The Nuggets 10 0 24 11.0
Floppy Joe WRECKED NOO The Noodles 2 -9 13 10.2
Squish RUNNING SFT The Soft Boys 15 +3 18 10.8
Radiator WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 7 -6 13 10.3
Thick Rick RUNNING NUG The Nuggets 9 -5 14 11.0
Refried Ron WRECKED BEA The Beans 6 -9 11 10.4
Tender Greg WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 16 0 10 10.9
2.558
Somebody is going to have to sweep that up.
7.425
Up it goes. Recent finishes: 1-1-2-4-1.
12.125
There goes a piece of Tender Greg.
16.725
That has come off. Recent finishes: 8-14-8-6-3.
22.158
Tender Greg is losing bits.
26.608
That has come off. Recent finishes: 12-5-15-6-7.
30.833
Look at the state of it. Recent finishes: 4-5-8-7-7.
35.425
There goes a piece of Floppy Joe. Recent finishes: 7-7-5-9-8.
40.050
Damp Kevin is coming through.
44.292
That was always going to happen.
48.825
The Unit is airborne!
54.058
Radiator is losing bits.
55.558
Tender Greg will not be back.
1:00.050
Oh, that is a big one.
1:07.467
Extraordinary scenes.
1:12.392
It is coming apart now.
1:14.642
The Unit has put Refried Ron out.
1:19.075
Oh, that is a big one.
1:23.275
Thick Rick has stalled.
1:25.167
Wrecked, and out of the race.
1:30.050
They felt that in the back row.
1:34.708
That is a long way off the ground.
1:36.742
That is Chunk taking Floppy Joe with them.
1:43.558
Oh, that is a big one.
1:48.075
There is nothing protecting Lil Nugget now.
1:54.267
Damp Kevin is airborne!
1:59.833
And that is Lil Nugget finished.
2:04.425
The Heel is losing bits.
2:06.508
Wrecked, and out of the race.
2:12.358
There is nothing protecting Sweaty Gerald now.
2:16.792
And that is Sweaty Gerald finished.
2:23.725
That is a long way off the ground.
2:25.550
Wrecked, and out of the race.
2:31.817
And it all goes wrong.
2:43.725
They felt that in the back row.
2:46.292
The Heel is out, and Damp Kevin did it.
2:54.183
That has come off.
3:01.625
Wide Load leaves something behind.
3:10.000
The Unit is going nowhere.
3:15.025
One to go.
3:24.425
Long John is airborne!
3:30.875
Look at the state of it.
3:40.117
Damp Kevin is coming to the flag.
3:43.117
It is Damp Kevin!
3:52.142
Absolute carnage.
SectionSurfaceLeader at exitElapsedFastest through
Smooth Descent Clay Chunk 25.850 Chunk 25.850
Smooth Descent Clay Tender Greg 52.367 Tender Greg 25.517
Smooth Descent Clay The Coaster 1:20.092 The Coaster 26.484
Smooth Descent Clay The Coaster 1:47.908 Lil Nugget 25.500
Smooth Descent Clay The Heel 2:17.642 The Heel 27.284
Smooth Descent Clay Damp Kevin 2:46.808 The Unit 27.717
Smooth Descent Clay Damp Kevin 3:15.025 Damp Kevin 28.217
Smooth Descent Clay Damp Kevin 3:43.117 Wide Load 26.708
#TeamScoreFinishersPoints
1 WET The Wet Socks 7 1/2 16
2 PCK The Pucks 11 1/2 14
3 LMP Lump Patrol 11 1/2 12
4 NOO The Noodles 13 1/2 10
5 HEA Basement Heat 18 0/2 8
6 BEA The Beans 24 0/2 6
7 NUG The Nuggets 24 0/2 4
8 SFT The Soft Boys 28 0/2 2
Pack races score the sum of a team's best three finishing positions. Lower is better.

Race card

16 declared
7
Long John The Noodles
95 starts, 5 wins, average finish 5.2. Last five: 3-5-6-7-6.
4.82
12
Floppy Joe The Noodles
85 starts, 4 wins, average finish 8.5. Last five: 4-15-9-13-15.
190.24
4
Damp Kevin The Wet Socks
92 starts, 13 wins, average finish 3.6. Last five: 4-3-5-3-1.
2.16
9
The Heel The Wet Socks
73 starts, 8 wins, average finish 5.7. Last five: 3-2-3-12-1.
12.24
8
Sweaty Gerald The Beans
88 starts, 0 wins, average finish 11.2. Last five: 6-10-11-15-13.
219.30
5
Refried Ron The Beans
84 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.1. Last five: 10-11-13-12-15.
219.30
4
Radiator Basement Heat
103 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.1. Last five: 13-16-8-15-14.
219.30
1
The Unit Basement Heat
82 starts, 3 wins, average finish 7.2. Last five: 9-13-5-2-10.
29.48
33
Thick Rick The Nuggets
89 starts, 3 wins, average finish 7.5. Last five: 6-10-16-5-6.
48.06
0
Lil Nugget The Nuggets
94 starts, 3 wins, average finish 8.9. Last five: 11-11-12-11-6.
135.24
5
Chunk Lump Patrol
76 starts, 3 wins, average finish 10.0. Last five: 8-12-14-1-10.
219.30
44
Old Gristle Lump Patrol
100 starts, 26 wins, average finish 4.9. Last five: 2-5-1-8-3.
6.20
3
The Coaster The Pucks
97 starts, 9 wins, average finish 8.0. Last five: 6-2-3-7-1.
44.41
4
Wide Load The Pucks
88 starts, 18 wins, average finish 5.2. Last five: 5-2-8-4-1.
7.75
2
Squish The Soft Boys
82 starts, 0 wins, average finish 11.2. Last five: 10-3-16-12-14.
219.30
6
Tender Greg The Soft Boys
97 starts, 0 wins, average finish 14.8. Last five: 16-16-16-11-16.
219.30

Course preview

9 sections · 161 m
Smooth Descent Smooth
7m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
10m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
4m ↓11°
Smooth Descent Smooth
4m ↑11°
Smooth Descent Smooth
57m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
7m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
10m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
7m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
57m ↓15°

Crossbones with a hill cut into the approach — the two nastiest ideas in the sport bolted together on purpose. Eight laps, a junction taken twice a lap, and a climb a damaged Chunkle simply does not get up. This is the championship, and it has never once been won by anything still wearing half its rind. They present the trophy at the top of the hill, which most of the field never reaches, and the engraver is kept on standby because the winner is rarely in a fit state to spell its own name.

On the record

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