Paper Mogul Sports
Derby · Season 5 · Round 23

The Wall — Team Pack Race

The Board Track · The Wall · 101 m · 16 competitors Steep banking
FULL TIME Fairness
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Carnage — Old Gristle survives to win

Old Gristle took The Wall — Team Pack Race for the Lump Patrol. Wide Load finished second. 8 competitors failed to finish. The Pucks took the team honours.

#CompetitorTeamTimeGap Grid+/-ContactsTop speed
1 Old Gristle LMP Lump Patrol 3:05.700 11 +10 42 12.9
2 Wide Load PCK The Pucks 3:08.717 +3.02 13 +11 42 13.3
3 Crawlspace HEA Basement Heat 3:13.692 +7.99 7 +4 33 11.6
4 Butter Bean BEA The Beans 3:17.483 +11.78 6 +2 39 11.7
5 Second Sock WET The Wet Socks 3:17.767 +12.07 3 -2 9 11.1
6 Floppy Joe NOO The Noodles 3:17.792 +12.09 2 -4 12 11.3
7 Big Randy NOO The Noodles 3:20.908 +15.21 1 -6 11 11.0
8 Tube Sock WET The Wet Socks 3:20.925 +15.23 4 -4 16 11.0
Slapper WRECKED PCK The Pucks 14 +5 40 12.6
Thick Rick WRECKED NUG The Nuggets 10 0 32 12.4
Gravy WRECKED LMP Lump Patrol 12 +1 20 12.6
Lil Nugget WRECKED NUG The Nuggets 9 -3 22 12.7
Custard WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 15 +2 23 12.6
Refried Ron WRECKED BEA The Beans 5 -9 13 11.6
Pilot Light WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 8 -7 12 11.6
Tender Greg WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 16 0 10 12.0
2.108
That has come off.
7.967
There is nothing left of it. Recent finishes: 4-3-3-3-8.
12.675
That is a long way off the ground.
17.875
Pilot Light is losing bits.
23.292
Wide Load leaves something behind.
27.575
They will not want to see that again. Recent finishes: 1-15-2-2-1.
31.950
That is a long way off the ground.
36.383
There is nothing protecting Tender Greg now. Recent finishes: 3-5-4-6-5.
37.883
Tender Greg will not be back.
42.625
That has come off. Recent finishes: 4-13-3-3-4.
47.450
Up it goes.
51.650
Up it goes. Recent finishes: 4-13-3-3-4.
56.117
There goes a piece of Gravy.
57.617
Slapper has put Pilot Light out.
1:02.125
Up it goes.
1:06.967
Beautiful. Just beautiful.
1:12.475
Crawlspace is losing bits.
1:16.942
Refried Ron is out, and Floppy Joe did it.
1:22.483
Gravy is in trouble.
1:27.125
Absolute carnage.
1:31.508
Wrecked, and out of the race.
1:33.008
And that is Custard finished.
1:34.508
Gravy will not be back.
1:40.050
Beautiful. Just beautiful.
1:44.750
They will not want to see that again.
1:49.142
There goes a piece of Big Randy.
1:54.933
Up it goes.
2:01.583
That is a long way off the ground.
2:03.083
Thick Rick is out.
2:07.817
Crawlspace leaves something behind.
2:13.408
Old Gristle leaves something behind.
2:20.408
There goes a piece of Wide Load.
2:25.925
Slapper is losing bits.
2:30.367
Floppy Joe has nothing left on it.
2:35.367
Slapper is in trouble.
2:40.183
Slapper is out, and Big Randy did it.
2:47.308
Last lap.
2:57.125
Old Gristle is airborne!
3:02.483
They felt that in the back row.
3:02.700
Here comes Old Gristle.
3:05.700
Old Gristle takes it!
SectionSurfaceLeader at exitElapsedFastest through
Smooth Descent Boards Gravy 13.192 Gravy 13.192
Smooth Descent Boards Gravy 27.658 Old Gristle 12.258
Smooth Descent Boards Custard 43.033 Old Gristle 13.484
Smooth Descent Boards Custard 59.058 Thick Rick 14.883
Smooth Descent Boards Custard 1:15.725 Lil Nugget 12.766
Smooth Descent Boards Gravy 1:31.942 Wide Load 13.333
Smooth Descent Boards Wide Load 1:46.158 Wide Load 13.708
Smooth Descent Boards Wide Load 2:00.875 Slapper 14.367
Smooth Descent Boards Wide Load 2:17.875 Slapper 14.441
Smooth Descent Boards Slapper 2:33.408 Slapper 13.775
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 2:47.308 Old Gristle 13.308
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 3:05.700 Wide Load 16.150
#TeamScoreFinishersPoints
1 PCK The Pucks 11 1/2 8
2 LMP Lump Patrol 12 1/2 7
3 WET The Wet Socks 13 2/2 6
4 NOO The Noodles 13 2/2 5
5 HEA Basement Heat 18 1/2 4
6 BEA The Beans 18 1/2 3
7 NUG The Nuggets 22 0/2 2
8 SFT The Soft Boys 29 0/2 1
Pack races score the sum of a team's best three finishing positions. Lower is better.

Race card

16 declared
1
Big Randy The Noodles
103 starts, 6 wins, average finish 6.2. Last five: 4-15-5-2-8.
17.34
12
Floppy Joe The Noodles
99 starts, 4 wins, average finish 8.8. Last five: 14-4-15-5-6.
150.27
2
Second Sock The Wet Socks
105 starts, 14 wins, average finish 3.9. Last five: 1-4-3-7-1.
2.44
11
Tube Sock The Wet Socks
103 starts, 13 wins, average finish 4.4. Last five: 2-6-13-3-3.
4.00
5
Refried Ron The Beans
99 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.0. Last five: 16-15-7-13-13.
219.30
22
Butter Bean The Beans
108 starts, 1 win, average finish 8.9. Last five: 12-13-10-11-13.
100.69
13
Crawlspace Basement Heat
100 starts, 1 win, average finish 8.5. Last five: 11-4-10-13-6.
65.66
9
Pilot Light Basement Heat
89 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.5. Last five: 13-9-13-12-15.
219.30
0
Lil Nugget The Nuggets
101 starts, 3 wins, average finish 8.7. Last five: 10-10-5-12-5.
125.27
33
Thick Rick The Nuggets
100 starts, 4 wins, average finish 7.4. Last five: 3-6-4-9-14.
22.19
44
Old Gristle Lump Patrol
115 starts, 27 wins, average finish 5.0. Last five: 3-2-15-7-5.
5.66
17
Gravy Lump Patrol
110 starts, 14 wins, average finish 7.2. Last five: 12-6-10-4-14.
70.05
4
Wide Load The Pucks
102 starts, 18 wins, average finish 5.3. Last five: 7-3-13-2-8.
8.65
8
Slapper The Pucks
95 starts, 8 wins, average finish 8.0. Last five: 8-3-3-2-3.
51.41
21
Custard The Soft Boys
102 starts, 4 wins, average finish 7.5. Last five: 7-8-9-2-6.
94.61
6
Tender Greg The Soft Boys
107 starts, 0 wins, average finish 14.7. Last five: 9-16-16-15-10.
219.30

Course preview

4 sections · 101 m
Smooth Descent Smooth
16m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
35m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
16m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
35m ↓15°

A velodrome that took a wrong turn somewhere and never came back. Twenty-six degrees of varnished pine holds the entire field at exactly the same radius whether anybody likes it or not, so the only way past a rival is straight through them. Nothing here chooses its own line; the banking chooses it, and the banking has no favourites and takes no notes. The boards were reclaimed from a real velodrome in 1991 and still carry the original lap markings under the tyre rubber, which no competitor has ever had a spare moment to read.

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