Paper Mogul Sports
Derby · Season 5 · Round 30

The Long Mile — Team Pack Race

Long Mile Basin · The Long Mile · 161 m · 16 competitors Uphill section Steep banking
FULL TIME Fairness
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Carnage — Old Gristle survives to win

Old Gristle took The Long Mile — Team Pack Race for the Lump Patrol. The Coaster finished second. 9 competitors failed to finish. The Wet Socks took the team honours.

#CompetitorTeamTimeGap Grid+/-ContactsTop speed
1 Old Gristle LMP Lump Patrol 3:34.608 12 +11 27 12.4
2 The Coaster PCK The Pucks 3:36.742 +2.13 14 +12 26 12.2
3 The Heel WET The Wet Socks 3:41.333 +6.73 4 +1 18 10.5
4 Thick Rick NUG The Nuggets 3:42.217 +7.61 9 +5 36 12.0
5 Damp Kevin WET The Wet Socks 3:45.700 +11.09 3 -2 22 11.2
6 Long John NOO The Noodles 3:48.742 +14.13 2 -4 14 10.7
7 The Unit HEA Basement Heat 4:01.392 +26.78 8 +1 25 10.7
Honey Mustard WRECKED NUG The Nuggets 10 +2 34 11.6
Floppy Joe WRECKED NOO The Noodles 1 -8 13 10.3
Slapper WRECKED PCK The Pucks 13 +3 25 12.1
Sweaty Gerald WRECKED BEA The Beans 6 -5 16 10.3
Chunk WRECKED LMP Lump Patrol 11 -1 21 11.5
Pilot Light WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 7 -6 12 10.5
Tender Greg WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 16 +2 10 11.6
Refried Ron WRECKED BEA The Beans 5 -10 14 10.9
Yolk WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 15 -1 12 11.2
3.858
That is a long way off the ground. Recent finishes: 2-2-11-2-13.
10.050
Old Gristle is coming through. Recent finishes: 2-2-11-2-13.
15.600
Oh, that is a big one.
20.050
Oh, that is a big one.
24.908
That has come off.
30.050
Sweaty Gerald is going backwards.
36.417
There goes a piece of The Heel. Recent finishes: 5-7-6-6-5.
40.758
That has come off.
45.858
That has come off. Recent finishes: 4-13-7-6-4.
50.300
That has come off.
54.817
That has come off.
58.625
And that is Yolk finished.
1:04.475
There goes a piece of Tender Greg.
1:09.083
Somebody is going to have to sweep that up.
1:14.258
Thick Rick leaves something behind.
1:18.850
They felt that in the back row. Recent finishes: 7-8-5-5-16.
1:21.425
Wrecked, and out of the race.
1:25.092
Tender Greg is out, and Honey Mustard did it.
1:30.050
You do not see that every day.
1:35.950
Slapper goes to the front.
1:41.683
Somebody is going to have to sweep that up.
1:47.367
There is nothing left of it.
1:52.975
Honey Mustard is losing bits.
1:57.158
Pilot Light is out.
2:03.133
That is real damage.
2:07.750
A new leader — Slapper.
2:10.308
Old Gristle has put Slapper out.
2:12.167
And that is Chunk finished.
2:13.667
Sweaty Gerald is out.
2:19.658
They felt that in the back row.
2:24.958
Absolute carnage.
2:30.833
They felt that in the back row.
2:35.583
That has come off.
2:38.333
Honey Mustard is out, and Thick Rick did it.
2:44.925
Floppy Joe will not be back.
2:55.950
Look at the state of it.
3:02.067
That has come off.
3:08.342
The Coaster is in trouble.
3:10.792
Last lap.
3:17.242
Up it goes.
3:31.475
Stripped to the shell.
3:31.608
Old Gristle is coming to the flag.
3:34.608
Old Gristle wins the derby.
3:47.367
The Unit leaves something behind.
SectionSurfaceLeader at exitElapsedFastest through
Smooth Descent Clay Tender Greg 22.400 Tender Greg 22.400
Smooth Descent Clay Old Gristle 45.608 The Coaster 22.941
Smooth Descent Clay Old Gristle 1:06.133 Old Gristle 20.525
Smooth Descent Clay Old Gristle 1:32.442 Slapper 20.175
Smooth Descent Clay Slapper 1:56.050 Thick Rick 23.033
Smooth Descent Clay Old Gristle 2:22.867 Honey Mustard 23.275
Smooth Descent Clay Old Gristle 2:44.333 Old Gristle 21.466
Smooth Descent Clay Old Gristle 3:10.792 The Coaster 21.450
#TeamScoreFinishersPoints
1 WET The Wet Socks 8 2/2 8
2 PCK The Pucks 12 1/2 7
3 NUG The Nuggets 12 1/2 6
4 LMP Lump Patrol 13 1/2 5
5 NOO The Noodles 15 1/2 4
6 HEA Basement Heat 20 1/2 3
7 BEA The Beans 26 0/2 2
8 SFT The Soft Boys 30 0/2 1
Pack races score the sum of a team's best three finishing positions. Lower is better.

Race card

16 declared
12
Floppy Joe The Noodles
102 starts, 4 wins, average finish 8.8. Last five: 6-10-12-14-4.
141.28
7
Long John The Noodles
109 starts, 6 wins, average finish 5.4. Last five: 11-4-6-8-7.
7.75
4
Damp Kevin The Wet Socks
111 starts, 15 wins, average finish 3.8. Last five: 5-5-4-3-4.
2.14
9
The Heel The Wet Socks
91 starts, 10 wins, average finish 5.5. Last five: 7-2-7-2-5.
8.55
5
Refried Ron The Beans
103 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.0. Last five: 10-13-10-15-16.
219.30
8
Sweaty Gerald The Beans
104 starts, 0 wins, average finish 11.1. Last five: 3-12-9-15-11.
219.30
9
Pilot Light Basement Heat
93 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.6. Last five: 13-16-15-13-13.
219.30
1
The Unit Basement Heat
97 starts, 3 wins, average finish 7.2. Last five: 10-6-2-11-11.
21.28
33
Thick Rick The Nuggets
105 starts, 4 wins, average finish 7.4. Last five: 11-6-2-4-7.
9.80
2
Honey Mustard The Nuggets
105 starts, 4 wins, average finish 7.9. Last five: 6-8-13-14-9.
39.53
5
Chunk Lump Patrol
86 starts, 3 wins, average finish 10.2. Last five: 13-11-3-7-15.
219.30
44
Old Gristle Lump Patrol
117 starts, 27 wins, average finish 5.1. Last five: 16-2-3-2-15.
4.84
8
Slapper The Pucks
100 starts, 9 wins, average finish 8.1. Last five: 15-16-1-7-14.
79.70
3
The Coaster The Pucks
111 starts, 10 wins, average finish 8.0. Last five: 10-2-12-8-13.
55.94
0
Yolk The Soft Boys
104 starts, 0 wins, average finish 14.2. Last five: 16-15-9-16-15.
219.30
6
Tender Greg The Soft Boys
112 starts, 0 wins, average finish 14.6. Last five: 8-15-11-16-14.
219.30

Course preview

5 sections · 161 m
Smooth Descent Smooth
30m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
50m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
15m ↓13°
Smooth Descent Smooth
15m ↑13°
Smooth Descent Smooth
50m ↓15°

The endurance one, cut into the floor of an old quarry — the biggest lap on the calendar, with a real hill in the back straight that has to be climbed nine times. This is attrition rather than carnage: a Chunkle that has shed half its rind has also shed the momentum to get up the hill, and simply stops being a competitor somewhere on the slope. Races here are won by the patient and finished by almost nobody. The quarry has, everyone agrees, excellent natural acoustics for the sound of something giving up.

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