Paper Mogul Sports
Derby · Season 6 · Round 13

The Wall — Team Pack Race

The Board Track · The Wall · 101 m · 16 competitors Steep banking
FULL TIME Fairness
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Carnage — The Unit survives to win

The Unit took The Wall — Team Pack Race for the Basement Heat. Butter Bean finished second. 10 competitors failed to finish. The Beans took the team honours.

#CompetitorTeamTimeGap Grid+/-ContactsTop speed
1 The Unit HEA Basement Heat 3:14.650 7 +6 37 11.6
2 Butter Bean BEA The Beans 3:16.258 +1.61 6 +4 31 11.6
3 Sweaty Gerald BEA The Beans 3:17.417 +2.77 5 +2 26 11.4
4 Tube Sock WET The Wet Socks 3:19.658 +5.01 4 0 8 10.9
5 Long John NOO The Noodles 3:19.833 +5.18 1 -4 17 11.1
6 The Heel WET The Wet Socks 3:20.083 +5.43 3 -3 17 11.2
Crawlspace WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 8 +1 36 11.4
Thick Rick WRECKED NUG The Nuggets 9 +1 44 12.2
Floppy Joe WRECKED NOO The Noodles 2 -7 13 11.3
Stubbs WRECKED NUG The Nuggets 10 0 45 12.2
Gravy WRECKED LMP Lump Patrol 12 +1 39 12.2
The Coaster WRECKED PCK The Pucks 13 +1 27 12.4
Slapper WRECKED PCK The Pucks 14 +1 21 13.1
Custard WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 16 +2 22 12.5
Chunk WRECKED LMP Lump Patrol 11 -4 18 12.9
Squish WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 15 -1 16 11.6
2.250
Up it goes.
7.717
And it all goes wrong. Recent finishes: 2-4-3-1-11.
12.025
That has come off.
16.317
They will not want to see that again. Recent finishes: 1-1-2-3-9.
23.508
Chunk is losing bits.
29.925
That is a long way off the ground.
34.717
There goes a piece of Sweaty Gerald.
39.125
Up it goes.
43.642
They will not want to see that again.
48.950
There is nothing protecting Squish now.
53.167
Up it goes.
57.875
That has come off.
59.375
Squish is out.
1:04.408
Slapper is airborne! Recent finishes: 1-1-2-3-9.
1:08.992
Stubbs is airborne!
1:14.683
Up it goes. Recent finishes: 2-3-1-1-5.
1:18.983
Wrecked, and out of the race.
1:24.692
You do not see that every day. Recent finishes: 5-7-5-14-5.
1:30.050
Oh, that is a big one.
1:34.792
Absolute carnage.
1:39.142
Slapper has put Custard out.
1:44.942
That is a long way off the ground.
1:46.442
Slapper is out.
1:51.758
Thick Rick leaves something behind.
1:57.475
The Coaster is in trouble.
2:03.342
Sweaty Gerald leaves something behind.
2:04.842
Sweaty Gerald has put The Coaster out.
2:10.050
Stubbs is coming through.
2:14.917
Look at the state of it.
2:20.733
Up it goes.
2:26.108
Gravy is out.
2:31.450
Thick Rick takes the lead.
2:38.800
That is a long way off the ground.
2:44.758
There is nothing left of it.
2:51.925
It is coming apart now.
2:53.750
Last lap.
2:55.917
Thick Rick will not be back.
2:57.417
That is Tube Sock taking Stubbs with them.
3:02.967
The Heel is losing bits.
3:04.467
The Heel has put Floppy Joe out.
3:06.725
And that is Crawlspace finished.
3:11.650
Here comes The Unit.
3:14.650
The Unit wins the derby.
SectionSurfaceLeader at exitElapsedFastest through
Smooth Descent Boards Slapper 14.017 Slapper 14.017
Smooth Descent Boards Slapper 27.292 Slapper 13.275
Smooth Descent Boards Slapper 43.442 Chunk 13.234
Smooth Descent Boards Chunk 1:00.025 Thick Rick 14.450
Smooth Descent Boards Thick Rick 1:14.442 Gravy 13.942
Smooth Descent Boards Thick Rick 1:29.750 Sweaty Gerald 14.667
Smooth Descent Boards Thick Rick 1:43.358 Thick Rick 13.608
Smooth Descent Boards Gravy 2:03.292 Stubbs 14.100
Smooth Descent Boards Gravy 2:17.575 Gravy 14.283
Smooth Descent Boards Thick Rick 2:37.475 Crawlspace 15.042
Smooth Descent Boards Thick Rick 2:53.750 Sweaty Gerald 15.742
Smooth Descent Boards The Unit 3:14.650 Butter Bean 16.025
#TeamScoreFinishersPoints
1 BEA The Beans 5 2/2 8
2 HEA Basement Heat 8 1/2 7
3 WET The Wet Socks 10 2/2 6
4 NOO The Noodles 14 1/2 5
5 NUG The Nuggets 18 0/2 4
6 PCK The Pucks 25 0/2 3
7 LMP Lump Patrol 26 0/2 2
8 SFT The Soft Boys 30 0/2 1
Pack races score the sum of a team's best three finishing positions. Lower is better.

Race card

16 declared
7
Long John The Noodles
129 starts, 8 wins, average finish 5.5. Last five: 6-15-6-1-5.
5.97
12
Floppy Joe The Noodles
120 starts, 4 wins, average finish 8.7. Last five: 4-4-8-14-11.
54.47
9
The Heel The Wet Socks
105 starts, 11 wins, average finish 5.4. Last five: 5-5-4-6-4.
4.76
11
Tube Sock The Wet Socks
115 starts, 16 wins, average finish 4.4. Last five: 1-7-16-2-3.
2.65
8
Sweaty Gerald The Beans
124 starts, 0 wins, average finish 11.0. Last five: 8-6-13-13-6.
219.30
22
Butter Bean The Beans
129 starts, 1 win, average finish 9.0. Last five: 14-8-2-11-12.
42.91
1
The Unit Basement Heat
119 starts, 3 wins, average finish 7.4. Last five: 7-16-3-6-16.
12.58
13
Crawlspace Basement Heat
119 starts, 1 win, average finish 8.4. Last five: 8-7-8-12-11.
74.92
33
Thick Rick The Nuggets
123 starts, 5 wins, average finish 7.3. Last five: 2-12-9-3-7.
12.30
7
Stubbs The Nuggets
121 starts, 8 wins, average finish 7.7. Last five: 14-2-5-10-10.
23.48
5
Chunk Lump Patrol
106 starts, 3 wins, average finish 10.1. Last five: 6-7-6-12-12.
219.30
17
Gravy Lump Patrol
136 starts, 18 wins, average finish 7.2. Last five: 8-1-1-11-12.
20.50
3
The Coaster The Pucks
126 starts, 11 wins, average finish 7.8. Last five: 3-3-9-10-5.
27.19
8
Slapper The Pucks
119 starts, 13 wins, average finish 8.2. Last five: 15-11-11-9-15.
145.53
2
Squish The Soft Boys
119 starts, 0 wins, average finish 10.9. Last five: 8-14-12-9-9.
219.30
21
Custard The Soft Boys
121 starts, 4 wins, average finish 7.4. Last five: 10-2-2-13-10.
38.45

Course preview

4 sections · 101 m
Smooth Descent Smooth
16m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
35m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
16m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
35m ↓15°

A velodrome that took a wrong turn somewhere and never came back. Twenty-six degrees of varnished pine holds the entire field at exactly the same radius whether anybody likes it or not, so the only way past a rival is straight through them. Nothing here chooses its own line; the banking chooses it, and the banking has no favourites and takes no notes. The boards were reclaimed from a real velodrome in 1991 and still carry the original lap markings under the tyre rubber, which no competitor has ever had a spare moment to read.

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