Paper Mogul Sports
Derby · Season 6 · Round 23

The Wall — Team Pack Race

The Board Track · The Wall · 101 m · 16 competitors Steep banking
FULL TIME Fairness
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Carnage — Old Gristle survives to win

Old Gristle took The Wall — Team Pack Race for the Lump Patrol. Gravy finished second. 9 competitors failed to finish. Lump Patrol took the team honours.

#CompetitorTeamTimeGap Grid+/-ContactsTop speed
1 Old Gristle LMP Lump Patrol 3:01.675 12 +11 39 13.1
2 Gravy LMP Lump Patrol 3:13.250 +11.58 11 +9 35 12.4
3 Crawlspace HEA Basement Heat 3:16.858 +15.18 7 +4 34 11.3
4 Second Sock WET The Wet Socks 3:17.450 +15.78 4 0 17 10.8
5 The Heel WET The Wet Socks 3:18.408 +16.73 3 -2 10 11.1
6 Butter Bean BEA The Beans 3:19.575 +17.90 5 -1 33 12.0
7 Big Randy NOO The Noodles 3:21.225 +19.55 2 -5 8 11.3
Thick Rick WRECKED NUG The Nuggets 9 +1 52 13.4
The Coaster WRECKED PCK The Pucks 14 +5 33 13.5
Honey Mustard WRECKED NUG The Nuggets 10 0 43 12.8
Floppy Joe WRECKED NOO The Noodles 1 -10 13 10.9
Sweaty Gerald WRECKED BEA The Beans 6 -6 24 11.5
Slapper WRECKED PCK The Pucks 13 0 21 13.0
Pilot Light WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 8 -6 12 11.7
Tender Greg WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 15 0 11 12.0
Yolk WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 16 0 11 12.1
1.950
Yolk is losing bits. Recent finishes: 4-3-3-6-12.
6.233
There goes a piece of Tender Greg. Recent finishes: 11-3-11-6-5.
12.992
That was always going to happen.
18.517
Gravy is losing bits. Recent finishes: 5-3-7-2-1.
23.850
Extraordinary scenes. Recent finishes: 4-3-3-6-12.
28.208
That is real damage.
30.558
Tender Greg is out, and Slapper did it. Recent finishes: 11-3-11-6-5.
32.058
That is Old Gristle taking Yolk with them.
37.475
There goes a piece of Gravy.
43.108
That has come off.
48.933
Floppy Joe is losing bits.
54.325
That is a long way off the ground.
59.275
That is a long way off the ground.
1:04.383
That has come off.
1:10.050
Honey Mustard is coming through.
1:11.550
And that is Pilot Light finished.
1:17.483
That is a long way off the ground.
1:23.075
Up it goes.
1:30.050
Look at The Coaster go.
1:35.367
That is a long way off the ground.
1:38.192
Wrecked, and out of the race.
1:43.650
Absolute carnage.
1:48.517
Sweaty Gerald is losing bits.
1:54.350
Stripped to the shell.
2:00.050
Extraordinary scenes.
2:04.367
It is coming apart now.
2:05.867
Sweaty Gerald will not be back.
2:11.825
Stripped to the shell.
2:13.325
Floppy Joe is out, and The Heel did it.
2:19.925
Honey Mustard is out.
2:30.125
And it all goes wrong.
2:37.908
And that is The Coaster finished.
2:44.867
Old Gristle is losing bits.
2:46.367
Last lap.
2:51.533
Wrecked, and out of the race.
2:57.733
Gravy is airborne!
2:58.675
Old Gristle is coming to the flag.
3:01.675
It is Old Gristle!
3:07.758
And it all goes wrong.
3:14.908
Crawlspace is airborne!
SectionSurfaceLeader at exitElapsedFastest through
Smooth Descent Boards Slapper 13.683 Slapper 13.683
Smooth Descent Boards Slapper 28.150 Tender Greg 12.367
Smooth Descent Boards Slapper 43.733 Old Gristle 13.916
Smooth Descent Boards Slapper 56.142 Slapper 12.409
Smooth Descent Boards Slapper 1:14.592 Thick Rick 13.792
Smooth Descent Boards Slapper 1:28.775 Slapper 14.183
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 1:44.467 The Coaster 14.216
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 1:58.633 Honey Mustard 14.117
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 2:15.100 Honey Mustard 12.691
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 2:30.825 The Coaster 12.858
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 2:46.042 Gravy 15.116
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 3:01.675 Old Gristle 15.633
#TeamScoreFinishersPoints
1 LMP Lump Patrol 3 2/2 8
2 WET The Wet Socks 9 2/2 7
3 HEA Basement Heat 17 1/2 6
4 BEA The Beans 18 1/2 5
5 NOO The Noodles 18 1/2 4
6 NUG The Nuggets 18 0/2 3
7 PCK The Pucks 22 0/2 2
8 SFT The Soft Boys 31 0/2 1
Pack races score the sum of a team's best three finishing positions. Lower is better.

Race card

16 declared
12
Floppy Joe The Noodles
127 starts, 4 wins, average finish 8.7. Last five: 15-9-12-12-5.
162.29
1
Big Randy The Noodles
129 starts, 7 wins, average finish 6.0. Last five: 3-16-5-2-4.
14.48
9
The Heel The Wet Socks
111 starts, 12 wins, average finish 5.3. Last five: 2-6-3-8-10.
7.75
2
Second Sock The Wet Socks
144 starts, 22 wins, average finish 3.9. Last five: 2-2-2-2-1.
1.88
22
Butter Bean The Beans
134 starts, 1 win, average finish 9.0. Last five: 10-2-10-13-10.
49.00
8
Sweaty Gerald The Beans
127 starts, 0 wins, average finish 11.0. Last five: 13-13-3-8-6.
219.30
13
Crawlspace Basement Heat
121 starts, 1 win, average finish 8.4. Last five: 12-7-8-7-8.
118.47
9
Pilot Light Basement Heat
117 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.5. Last five: 14-9-15-16-16.
219.30
33
Thick Rick The Nuggets
129 starts, 5 wins, average finish 7.3. Last five: 11-8-8-4-4.
27.30
2
Honey Mustard The Nuggets
126 starts, 5 wins, average finish 7.8. Last five: 4-5-4-2-2.
41.28
17
Gravy Lump Patrol
142 starts, 19 wins, average finish 7.2. Last five: 7-1-11-6-2.
30.22
44
Old Gristle Lump Patrol
137 starts, 33 wins, average finish 5.0. Last five: 5-1-3-14-2.
3.88
8
Slapper The Pucks
125 starts, 14 wins, average finish 8.2. Last five: 11-13-10-12-1.
198.65
3
The Coaster The Pucks
137 starts, 12 wins, average finish 7.8. Last five: 2-9-12-14-1.
64.85
6
Tender Greg The Soft Boys
131 starts, 0 wins, average finish 14.5. Last five: 16-14-13-16-16.
219.30
0
Yolk The Soft Boys
129 starts, 0 wins, average finish 14.1. Last five: 7-10-14-15-13.
219.30

Course preview

4 sections · 101 m
Smooth Descent Smooth
16m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
35m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
16m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
35m ↓15°

A velodrome that took a wrong turn somewhere and never came back. Twenty-six degrees of varnished pine holds the entire field at exactly the same radius whether anybody likes it or not, so the only way past a rival is straight through them. Nothing here chooses its own line; the banking chooses it, and the banking has no favourites and takes no notes. The boards were reclaimed from a real velodrome in 1991 and still carry the original lap markings under the tyre rubber, which no competitor has ever had a spare moment to read.

On the record

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