Paper Mogul Sports
Derby · Season 6 · Round 47

The Crucible

Crossbones Field · The Crucible · 161 m · 16 competitors Crossing traffic Track furniture Uphill section Steep banking
CHAMPIONSHIP FULL TIME Fairness
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Carnage — Damp Kevin survives to win

Damp Kevin took The Crucible for the The Wet Socks. Wide Load finished second. 14 competitors failed to finish. The Wet Socks took the team honours.

#CompetitorTeamTimeGap Grid+/-ContactsTop speed
1 Damp Kevin WET The Wet Socks 3:43.917 4 +3 26 10.5
2 Wide Load PCK The Pucks 3:53.267 +9.35 14 +12 46 11.2
The Heel WRECKED WET The Wet Socks 3 0 21 10.7
Big Randy WRECKED NOO The Noodles 2 -2 21 10.4
Custard WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 15 +10 20 10.9
The Unit RUNNING HEA Basement Heat 7 +1 16 10.6
Refried Ron WRECKED BEA The Beans 5 -2 17 10.5
Chunk WRECKED LMP Lump Patrol 12 +4 27 11.7
Slapper WRECKED PCK The Pucks 13 +4 24 11.6
Squish WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 16 +6 17 10.6
Radiator WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 8 -3 12 9.9
Honey Mustard RUNNING NUG The Nuggets 10 -2 9 11.9
Old Gristle RUNNING LMP Lump Patrol 11 -2 8 11.3
Long John RUNNING NOO The Noodles 1 -13 5 9.6
Sweaty Gerald RUNNING BEA The Beans 6 -9 2 11.0
Lil Nugget RUNNING NUG The Nuggets 9 -7 6 10.0
2.558
That has come off.
9.525
That has come off.
14.208
Slapper leaves something behind. Recent finishes: 1-1-1-2-3.
18.575
Long John leaves something behind. Recent finishes: 5-8-8-7-8.
23.292
Extraordinary scenes.
27.550
A new leader — Slapper.
33.058
Radiator will not take much more.
37.550
Slapper goes to the front. Career record: 90 wins from 200, average finish 3.4.
41.817
And it all goes wrong.
44.483
Radiator is out. Recent finishes: 6-7-10-7-5.
50.050
Look at Squish go. Recent finishes: 3-7-4-3-16.
54.592
Squish is losing bits.
59.108
That is a long way off the ground.
1:03.717
That is a long way off the ground.
1:10.050
Beautiful. Just beautiful.
1:16.967
That has come off.
1:21.575
There is nothing protecting Chunk now.
1:23.075
Squish is out.
1:27.583
And that is Refried Ron finished.
1:30.333
That is Old Gristle taking Slapper with them.
1:31.833
And that is Chunk finished.
1:37.075
Custard will not take much more.
1:40.000
That is Long John taking Custard with them.
1:45.883
Stopped, and in the way.
1:54.892
Big Randy is losing bits.
2:08.375
Big Randy is losing bits.
2:22.083
And it all goes wrong.
2:35.250
There is nothing left of it.
2:38.458
Big Randy is out, and Long John did it.
2:49.133
The Heel will not be back.
2:55.308
There goes a piece of Wide Load.
3:01.317
Wide Load is airborne!
3:09.617
Wide Load leaves something behind.
3:16.050
Last lap.
3:23.458
Up it goes.
3:32.258
That was always going to happen.
3:36.567
You do not see that every day.
3:40.917
Damp Kevin has it.
3:43.917
Damp Kevin takes it!
SectionSurfaceLeader at exitElapsedFastest through
Smooth Descent Clay Slapper 27.450 Slapper 27.450
Smooth Descent Clay Squish 54.850 The Unit 26.850
Smooth Descent Clay Squish 1:21.083 Squish 26.233
Smooth Descent Clay Damp Kevin 1:51.092 Big Randy 26.942
Smooth Descent Clay Damp Kevin 2:18.692 Wide Load 27.017
Smooth Descent Clay Damp Kevin 2:46.817 The Heel 26.925
Smooth Descent Clay Damp Kevin 3:16.050 Damp Kevin 29.233
Smooth Descent Clay Damp Kevin 3:43.917 Damp Kevin 27.867
#TeamScoreFinishersPoints
1 WET The Wet Socks 4 1/2 16
2 PCK The Pucks 11 1/2 14
3 SFT The Soft Boys 15 0/2 12
4 HEA Basement Heat 17 0/2 10
5 NOO The Noodles 18 0/2 8
6 LMP Lump Patrol 21 0/2 6
7 BEA The Beans 22 0/2 4
8 NUG The Nuggets 28 0/2 2
Pack races score the sum of a team's best three finishing positions. Lower is better.

Race card

16 declared
7
Long John The Noodles
154 starts, 8 wins, average finish 5.4. Last five: 2-5-7-2-15.
5.13
1
Big Randy The Noodles
144 starts, 8 wins, average finish 6.0. Last five: 1-6-6-10-3.
13.91
9
The Heel The Wet Socks
123 starts, 14 wins, average finish 5.5. Last five: 10-3-1-10-5.
17.38
4
Damp Kevin The Wet Socks
154 starts, 30 wins, average finish 3.7. Last five: 7-2-1-1-3.
2.01
5
Refried Ron The Beans
143 starts, 0 wins, average finish 12.8. Last five: 14-14-13-15-16.
219.30
8
Sweaty Gerald The Beans
146 starts, 0 wins, average finish 11.0. Last five: 16-12-12-16-8.
219.30
1
The Unit Basement Heat
143 starts, 4 wins, average finish 7.3. Last five: 9-11-2-9-3.
27.27
4
Radiator Basement Heat
166 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.1. Last five: 15-14-14-9-14.
219.30
0
Lil Nugget The Nuggets
145 starts, 3 wins, average finish 8.7. Last five: 11-10-13-4-10.
94.24
2
Honey Mustard The Nuggets
146 starts, 5 wins, average finish 7.9. Last five: 4-11-10-14-6.
49.66
44
Old Gristle Lump Patrol
153 starts, 36 wins, average finish 5.0. Last five: 4-2-14-1-14.
8.69
5
Chunk Lump Patrol
125 starts, 3 wins, average finish 10.1. Last five: 5-3-10-12-11.
219.30
8
Slapper The Pucks
137 starts, 14 wins, average finish 8.4. Last five: 7-9-14-11-6.
176.27
4
Wide Load The Pucks
149 starts, 28 wins, average finish 5.4. Last five: 9-1-6-1-10.
9.44
21
Custard The Soft Boys
138 starts, 4 wins, average finish 7.5. Last five: 5-13-8-3-5.
57.57
2
Squish The Soft Boys
147 starts, 0 wins, average finish 10.8. Last five: 8-6-12-15-9.
219.30

Course preview

9 sections · 161 m
Smooth Descent Smooth
7m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
10m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
4m ↓11°
Smooth Descent Smooth
4m ↑11°
Smooth Descent Smooth
57m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
7m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
10m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
7m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
57m ↓15°

Crossbones with a hill cut into the approach — the two nastiest ideas in the sport bolted together on purpose. Eight laps, a junction taken twice a lap, and a climb a damaged Chunkle simply does not get up. This is the championship, and it has never once been won by anything still wearing half its rind. They present the trophy at the top of the hill, which most of the field never reaches, and the engraver is kept on standby because the winner is rarely in a fit state to spell its own name.

On the record

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