Paper Mogul Sports
Derby · Season 6 · Round 6

The Pinch — Team Pack Race

The Pinch Works · The Pinch · 135 m · 16 competitors Pinch points Steep banking
FULL TIME Fairness
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Carnage — The Heel survives to win

The Heel took The Pinch — Team Pack Race for the The Wet Socks. Tube Sock finished second. 6 competitors failed to finish. The Wet Socks took the team honours.

#CompetitorTeamTimeGap Grid+/-ContactsTop speed
1 The Heel WET The Wet Socks 3:16.500 4 +3 9 11.2
2 Tube Sock WET The Wet Socks 3:20.833 +4.33 3 +1 9 10.5
3 Wide Load PCK The Pucks 3:21.900 +5.40 14 +11 32 11.9
4 Floppy Joe NOO The Noodles 3:23.258 +6.76 1 -3 11 10.4
5 The Coaster PCK The Pucks 3:23.492 +6.99 13 +8 29 11.7
6 Old Gristle LMP Lump Patrol 3:23.750 +7.25 12 +6 35 12.3
7 Stubbs NUG The Nuggets 3:25.067 +8.57 10 +3 37 12.1
8 Custard SFT The Soft Boys 3:28.050 +11.55 15 +7 27 11.3
9 Lil Nugget NUG The Nuggets 3:32.483 +15.98 9 0 30 12.2
10 Butter Bean BEA The Beans 3:35.558 +19.06 5 -5 20 10.4
Crooked Pete WRECKED NOO The Noodles 2 -9 15 10.8
The Kidney WRECKED BEA The Beans 6 -6 29 10.7
Chunk WRECKED LMP Lump Patrol 11 -2 21 12.3
Radiator WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 7 -7 13 10.0
Pilot Light WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 8 -7 12 10.2
Tender Greg WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 16 0 10 11.1
3.808
Up it goes.
9.625
Look at the state of it. Recent finishes: 7-3-3-14-1.
20.050
Look at The Coaster go. Recent finishes: 1-1-15-2-3.
24.783
They will not want to see that again. Recent finishes: 3-5-3-11-3.
29.933
They felt that in the back row.
34.442
Oh, that is a big one. Recent finishes: 4-2-5-4-2.
40.050
Look at Old Gristle go. Recent finishes: 3-5-3-11-3.
44.450
The Coaster is airborne!
49.050
A new leader — Stubbs.
55.117
There goes a piece of The Heel.
1:00.533
Custard is losing bits.
1:07.267
There goes a piece of Wide Load.
1:09.842
Tender Greg will not be back.
1:14.067
That is a long way off the ground.
1:19.650
That was always going to happen.
1:25.708
That has come off.
1:30.050
It is unravelling for Pilot Light.
1:34.375
Old Gristle is airborne!
1:38.517
And that is Pilot Light finished.
1:43.050
The Heel goes to the front.
1:47.417
That was always going to happen.
1:51.667
Radiator will not take much more.
1:57.317
Crooked Pete has nothing left on it.
2:00.317
Wrecked, and out of the race.
2:05.867
Custard is losing bits.
2:15.275
The Heel is losing bits.
2:19.908
Stripped to the shell.
2:24.467
There is nothing left of it.
2:37.125
Extraordinary scenes.
2:39.567
Chunk will not be back.
2:43.950
Up it goes.
2:52.183
The Kidney is losing bits.
2:54.983
This is the last of it.
3:00.317
The Kidney will not take much more.
3:04.583
Custard is losing bits.
3:09.092
They felt that in the back row.
3:10.592
Crooked Pete is out, and The Coaster did it.
3:12.092
The Kidney will not be back.
3:13.500
The Heel has it.
3:16.500
The Heel takes it!
3:23.158
Floppy Joe will not take much more.
3:27.683
Oh, that is a big one.
SectionSurfaceLeader at exitElapsedFastest through
Smooth Descent Clay Tender Greg 21.000 Tender Greg 21.000
Smooth Descent Clay The Coaster 43.383 Old Gristle 20.917
Smooth Descent Clay Stubbs 1:04.917 Tube Sock 21.433
Smooth Descent Clay Stubbs 1:29.192 Lil Nugget 18.416
Smooth Descent Clay The Heel 1:51.350 Chunk 20.600
Smooth Descent Clay The Heel 2:12.358 Lil Nugget 20.175
Smooth Descent Clay The Heel 2:34.033 Stubbs 20.217
Smooth Descent Clay The Heel 2:54.983 The Heel 20.950
Smooth Descent Clay The Heel 3:16.500 Old Gristle 20.217
#TeamScoreFinishersPoints
1 WET The Wet Socks 3 2/2 8
2 PCK The Pucks 8 2/2 7
3 NOO The Noodles 15 1/2 6
4 NUG The Nuggets 16 2/2 5
5 LMP Lump Patrol 19 1/2 4
6 BEA The Beans 22 1/2 3
7 SFT The Soft Boys 24 1/2 2
8 HEA Basement Heat 29 0/2 1
Pack races score the sum of a team's best three finishing positions. Lower is better.

Race card

16 declared
12
Floppy Joe The Noodles
115 starts, 4 wins, average finish 8.7. Last five: 13-11-2-15-2.
66.73
3
Crooked Pete The Noodles
111 starts, 2 wins, average finish 9.1. Last five: 5-15-10-12-1.
89.59
11
Tube Sock The Wet Socks
111 starts, 15 wins, average finish 4.3. Last five: 3-8-1-4-8.
1.87
9
The Heel The Wet Socks
100 starts, 11 wins, average finish 5.4. Last five: 9-1-6-3-3.
4.35
22
Butter Bean The Beans
126 starts, 1 win, average finish 9.0. Last five: 11-12-16-4-15.
171.70
6
The Kidney The Beans
110 starts, 0 wins, average finish 10.1. Last five: 8-8-9-14-7.
218.77
4
Radiator Basement Heat
136 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.2. Last five: 11-15-10-14-16.
219.30
9
Pilot Light Basement Heat
104 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.6. Last five: 13-14-8-15-14.
219.30
0
Lil Nugget The Nuggets
116 starts, 3 wins, average finish 8.8. Last five: 10-12-7-5-12.
138.56
7
Stubbs The Nuggets
118 starts, 8 wins, average finish 7.8. Last five: 10-10-12-3-4.
56.33
5
Chunk Lump Patrol
97 starts, 3 wins, average finish 10.1. Last five: 2-8-9-10-12.
219.30
44
Old Gristle Lump Patrol
127 starts, 30 wins, average finish 5.1. Last five: 7-4-8-5-7.
8.11
3
The Coaster The Pucks
118 starts, 11 wins, average finish 7.9. Last five: 3-11-2-10-5.
40.07
4
Wide Load The Pucks
117 starts, 19 wins, average finish 5.5. Last five: 2-11-7-2-2.
8.38
21
Custard The Soft Boys
115 starts, 4 wins, average finish 7.4. Last five: 4-4-3-13-6.
23.58
6
Tender Greg The Soft Boys
123 starts, 0 wins, average finish 14.6. Last five: 16-16-10-16-12.
219.30

Course preview

6 sections · 135 m
Smooth Descent Smooth
30m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
38m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
11m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
8m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
11m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
38m ↓15°

A disused rolling mill with an oval laid through the old loading bay, and a gap in the wall under four metres wide. Sixteen arrive at that gap together, two get through, and the rest sort it out — nine times a race, in front of a crowd that has stopped pretending it came for any other reason. The wall is original ironwork and has never once been repainted, on the grounds that it would only want doing again by Tuesday. Standing room is capped for reasons the management prefers not to put in writing.

On the record

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