Paper Mogul Sports
Derby · Season 7 · Round 26

The Pinch — Team Pack Race

The Pinch Works · The Pinch · 135 m · 16 competitors Pinch points Steep banking
FULL TIME Fairness
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Carnage — The Heel survives to win

The Heel took The Pinch — Team Pack Race for the The Wet Socks. Long John finished second. 7 competitors failed to finish. The Wet Socks took the team honours.

#CompetitorTeamTimeGap Grid+/-ContactsTop speed
1 The Heel WET The Wet Socks 3:19.150 3 +2 15 10.8
2 Long John NOO The Noodles 3:21.125 +1.98 2 0 13 10.6
3 Big Randy NOO The Noodles 3:21.500 +2.35 1 -2 13 10.7
4 Damp Kevin WET The Wet Socks 3:22.958 +3.81 4 0 12 10.5
5 Gravy LMP Lump Patrol 3:25.725 +6.58 12 +7 27 11.9
6 Wide Load PCK The Pucks 3:26.700 +7.55 14 +8 31 11.7
7 Lil Nugget NUG The Nuggets 3:33.858 +14.71 10 +3 43 12.1
8 Stubbs NUG The Nuggets 3:34.242 +15.09 9 +1 45 11.5
9 Butter Bean BEA The Beans 3:34.725 +15.58 5 -4 22 10.7
The Coaster WRECKED PCK The Pucks 13 +3 29 11.8
Squish WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 15 +4 19 11.7
Refried Ron WRECKED BEA The Beans 6 -6 12 10.1
Tender Greg WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 16 +3 11 11.2
Pilot Light WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 8 -6 12 10.5
Chunk WRECKED LMP Lump Patrol 11 -4 12 11.7
Radiator WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 7 -9 13 9.5
3.325
Pilot Light is airborne!
8.025
That is a long way off the ground.
12.392
There goes a piece of Squish.
17.908
You do not see that every day. Recent finishes: 2-3-3-3-4.
22.225
The Coaster is airborne!
27.867
There goes a piece of Refried Ron. Recent finishes: 5-8-8-16-8.
32.442
Squish is losing bits.
37.225
They felt that in the back row.
41.450
You do not see that every day.
46.400
That has come off.
50.792
Chunk is losing bits. Recent finishes: 1-2-4-2-6.
56.833
The Coaster leaves something behind.
1:04.933
It is coming apart now.
1:09.133
There is nothing left of it.
1:11.783
That is Refried Ron taking Radiator with them.
1:16.775
That is a long way off the ground.
1:23.008
That has come off.
1:27.308
Lil Nugget is losing bits.
1:31.092
And that is Chunk finished.
1:35.433
There goes a piece of Refried Ron.
1:40.275
There is nothing protecting Tender Greg now.
1:45.517
And it all goes wrong. Recent finishes: 7-15-4-2-4.
1:48.125
Pilot Light is out, and Damp Kevin did it.
1:53.675
The Heel is losing bits.
1:56.300
Wrecked, and out of the race. Recent finishes: 7-4-7-4-4.
1:57.800
Squish will not be back.
2:02.167
Absolute carnage.
2:08.083
That is Gravy taking The Coaster with them.
2:10.792
Lil Nugget has put Refried Ron out.
2:18.950
They felt that in the back row.
2:24.408
Lil Nugget is airborne!
2:34.133
Up it goes.
2:40.050
Look at The Heel go.
2:48.233
Stubbs is airborne!
2:56.008
They felt that in the back row.
2:58.250
One to go.
3:03.442
There is nothing left of it.
3:12.317
That is a long way off the ground.
3:16.150
The Heel is coming to the flag.
3:18.975
And it all goes wrong.
3:20.475
The Heel takes it!
SectionSurfaceLeader at exitElapsedFastest through
Smooth Descent Clay Tender Greg 20.458 Tender Greg 20.458
Smooth Descent Clay Tender Greg 42.292 Wide Load 19.450
Smooth Descent Clay Wide Load 1:05.025 Big Randy 21.400
Smooth Descent Clay Squish 1:26.000 Squish 20.267
Smooth Descent Clay Squish 1:45.525 Squish 19.525
Smooth Descent Clay Wide Load 2:12.350 Wide Load 20.767
Smooth Descent Clay The Heel 2:36.608 The Heel 20.258
Smooth Descent Clay The Heel 2:58.250 Damp Kevin 21.267
Smooth Descent Clay The Heel 3:19.150 The Heel 20.900
#TeamScoreFinishersPoints
1 WET The Wet Socks 5 2/2 8
2 NOO The Noodles 5 2/2 7
3 NUG The Nuggets 15 2/2 6
4 PCK The Pucks 16 1/2 5
5 LMP Lump Patrol 20 1/2 4
6 BEA The Beans 21 1/2 3
7 SFT The Soft Boys 24 0/2 2
8 HEA Basement Heat 30 0/2 1
Pack races score the sum of a team's best three finishing positions. Lower is better.

Race card

16 declared
1
Big Randy The Noodles
163 starts, 9 wins, average finish 6.0. Last five: 1-9-3-5-5.
7.26
7
Long John The Noodles
169 starts, 8 wins, average finish 5.5. Last five: 2-11-6-15-6.
9.18
9
The Heel The Wet Socks
140 starts, 15 wins, average finish 5.5. Last five: 4-7-4-12-8.
6.81
4
Damp Kevin The Wet Socks
166 starts, 33 wins, average finish 3.7. Last five: 4-5-3-7-2.
1.77
22
Butter Bean The Beans
158 starts, 1 win, average finish 8.9. Last five: 10-4-10-10-11.
83.27
5
Refried Ron The Beans
162 starts, 0 wins, average finish 12.8. Last five: 14-14-14-10-15.
219.30
4
Radiator Basement Heat
177 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.0. Last five: 7-16-15-11-16.
219.30
9
Pilot Light Basement Heat
149 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.6. Last five: 14-16-15-14-16.
219.30
7
Stubbs The Nuggets
159 starts, 12 wins, average finish 7.8. Last five: 12-16-1-5-12.
82.69
0
Lil Nugget The Nuggets
156 starts, 4 wins, average finish 8.7. Last five: 8-1-16-14-10.
120.32
5
Chunk Lump Patrol
138 starts, 4 wins, average finish 10.1. Last five: 15-15-1-9-12.
219.30
17
Gravy Lump Patrol
173 starts, 22 wins, average finish 7.1. Last five: 12-4-2-11-10.
84.06
3
The Coaster The Pucks
157 starts, 15 wins, average finish 7.8. Last five: 4-12-13-1-2.
75.34
4
Wide Load The Pucks
166 starts, 29 wins, average finish 5.3. Last five: 6-7-11-1-6.
8.34
2
Squish The Soft Boys
159 starts, 0 wins, average finish 10.7. Last five: 5-15-14-8-13.
219.30
6
Tender Greg The Soft Boys
167 starts, 0 wins, average finish 14.6. Last five: 16-14-16-16-10.
219.30

Course preview

6 sections · 135 m
Smooth Descent Smooth
30m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
38m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
11m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
8m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
11m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
38m ↓15°

A disused rolling mill with an oval laid through the old loading bay, and a gap in the wall under four metres wide. Sixteen arrive at that gap together, two get through, and the rest sort it out — nine times a race, in front of a crowd that has stopped pretending it came for any other reason. The wall is original ironwork and has never once been repainted, on the grounds that it would only want doing again by Tuesday. Standing room is capped for reasons the management prefers not to put in writing.

On the record

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