Paper Mogul Sports
Derby · Season 7 · Round 33

The Wall — Team Pack Race

The Board Track · The Wall · 101 m · 16 competitors Steep banking
FULL TIME Fairness
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Carnage — Old Gristle survives to win

Old Gristle took The Wall — Team Pack Race for the Lump Patrol. Stubbs finished second. 11 competitors failed to finish. The Wet Socks took the team honours.

#CompetitorTeamTimeGap Grid+/-ContactsTop speed
1 Old Gristle LMP Lump Patrol 3:07.608 12 +11 31 12.6
2 Stubbs NUG The Nuggets 3:14.958 +7.35 9 +7 44 12.4
3 Second Sock WET The Wet Socks 3:18.775 +11.17 4 +1 17 11.1
4 Crooked Pete NOO The Noodles 3:21.375 +13.77 1 -3 10 10.9
5 Tube Sock WET The Wet Socks 3:22.475 +14.87 3 -2 16 11.1
Floppy Joe WRECKED NOO The Noodles 2 -4 13 11.2
Slapper WRECKED PCK The Pucks 13 +6 25 12.2
Honey Mustard WRECKED NUG The Nuggets 10 +2 23 13.0
The Kidney WRECKED BEA The Beans 5 -4 20 11.7
Chunk WRECKED LMP Lump Patrol 11 +1 15 13.4
Crawlspace WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 8 -3 24 11.1
Refried Ron WRECKED BEA The Beans 6 -6 14 11.2
Pilot Light WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 7 -6 11 11.8
Squish WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 16 +2 17 11.6
Puck Yeah WRECKED PCK The Pucks 14 -1 13 11.8
Custard WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 15 -1 19 12.4
2.100
A new leader — Squish.
6.725
Squish leaves something behind.
10.992
That is a long way off the ground. Recent finishes: 1-2-1-8-1.
15.283
Custard is airborne! Recent finishes: 6-3-6-4-7.
20.050
Look at Honey Mustard go. Recent finishes: 3-7-3-2-3.
24.350
You do not see that every day. Recent finishes: 3-7-3-2-3.
30.033
They will not want to see that again. Recent finishes: 1-2-1-8-1.
34.667
Custard is losing bits.
39.067
Absolute carnage.
45.350
Extraordinary scenes.
49.800
Stripped to the shell.
54.708
Up it goes.
58.983
That has come off.
1:03.917
Custard is out.
1:10.050
Old Gristle is coming through.
1:12.367
That is Honey Mustard taking Puck Yeah with them.
1:14.192
Wrecked, and out of the race.
1:20.050
Look at The Kidney go.
1:21.550
That is Second Sock taking Pilot Light with them.
1:25.750
Crawlspace leaves something behind.
1:30.050
Absolute carnage.
1:31.592
That is Tube Sock taking Refried Ron with them.
1:35.392
Chunk is out.
1:39.825
Tube Sock has put Crawlspace out.
1:44.800
It is coming apart now.
1:47.875
Honey Mustard will not be back.
1:49.375
And that is The Kidney finished.
1:55.942
That has come off.
2:03.883
They felt that in the back row.
2:08.200
They felt that in the back row.
2:13.233
Slapper leaves something behind.
2:18.350
There is nothing protecting Floppy Joe now.
2:26.408
Up it goes.
2:32.867
Wrecked, and out of the race.
2:39.917
Stubbs is airborne!
2:45.508
Extraordinary scenes.
2:51.150
Last lap.
3:01.967
Stubbs is airborne!
3:04.608
Here comes Old Gristle.
3:07.608
Old Gristle takes it!
3:09.108
Wrecked, and out of the race.
3:14.883
There is nothing protecting Crooked Pete now.
SectionSurfaceLeader at exitElapsedFastest through
Smooth Descent Boards Honey Mustard 15.375 Honey Mustard 15.375
Smooth Descent Boards Honey Mustard 29.983 Floppy Joe 14.233
Smooth Descent Boards Slapper 44.067 Slapper 13.892
Smooth Descent Boards Slapper 1:00.325 Custard 14.350
Smooth Descent Boards Slapper 1:16.992 Stubbs 15.341
Smooth Descent Boards Slapper 1:31.625 Slapper 14.633
Smooth Descent Boards Slapper 1:47.892 Old Gristle 14.700
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 2:02.267 Old Gristle 13.992
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 2:16.708 Slapper 14.216
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 2:32.633 Old Gristle 15.925
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 2:51.150 Stubbs 15.341
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 3:07.608 Stubbs 15.125
#TeamScoreFinishersPoints
1 WET The Wet Socks 8 2/2 8
2 NUG The Nuggets 10 1/2 7
3 NOO The Noodles 10 1/2 6
4 LMP Lump Patrol 11 1/2 5
5 BEA The Beans 21 0/2 4
6 PCK The Pucks 22 0/2 3
7 HEA Basement Heat 24 0/2 2
8 SFT The Soft Boys 30 0/2 1
Pack races score the sum of a team's best three finishing positions. Lower is better.

Race card

16 declared
3
Crooked Pete The Noodles
152 starts, 3 wins, average finish 8.9. Last five: 7-7-13-15-13.
84.31
12
Floppy Joe The Noodles
160 starts, 4 wins, average finish 8.7. Last five: 9-13-2-3-8.
71.05
11
Tube Sock The Wet Socks
165 starts, 22 wins, average finish 4.4. Last five: 5-7-5-4-4.
3.04
2
Second Sock The Wet Socks
176 starts, 28 wins, average finish 3.9. Last five: 4-6-1-7-6.
2.30
6
The Kidney The Beans
162 starts, 0 wins, average finish 9.9. Last five: 11-5-11-10-10.
145.09
5
Refried Ron The Beans
167 starts, 0 wins, average finish 12.9. Last five: 13-16-16-12-15.
219.30
9
Pilot Light Basement Heat
149 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.6. Last five: 14-16-15-14-16.
219.30
13
Crawlspace Basement Heat
153 starts, 1 win, average finish 8.4. Last five: 6-9-7-8-11.
40.26
7
Stubbs The Nuggets
162 starts, 13 wins, average finish 7.8. Last five: 1-14-13-12-16.
35.69
2
Honey Mustard The Nuggets
169 starts, 7 wins, average finish 7.8. Last five: 2-4-6-12-7.
46.64
5
Chunk Lump Patrol
140 starts, 4 wins, average finish 10.0. Last five: 5-5-15-15-1.
219.30
44
Old Gristle Lump Patrol
172 starts, 40 wins, average finish 5.0. Last five: 8-2-8-1-5.
4.18
8
Slapper The Pucks
160 starts, 15 wins, average finish 8.3. Last five: 8-13-2-2-11.
84.59
69
Puck Yeah The Pucks
161 starts, 5 wins, average finish 12.3. Last five: 15-11-11-13-13.
219.30
21
Custard The Soft Boys
154 starts, 4 wins, average finish 7.7. Last five: 13-8-6-6-11.
98.26
2
Squish The Soft Boys
163 starts, 0 wins, average finish 10.7. Last five: 10-8-12-12-5.
219.30

Course preview

4 sections · 101 m
Smooth Descent Smooth
16m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
35m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
16m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
35m ↓15°

A velodrome that took a wrong turn somewhere and never came back. Twenty-six degrees of varnished pine holds the entire field at exactly the same radius whether anybody likes it or not, so the only way past a rival is straight through them. Nothing here chooses its own line; the banking chooses it, and the banking has no favourites and takes no notes. The boards were reclaimed from a real velodrome in 1991 and still carry the original lap markings under the tyre rubber, which no competitor has ever had a spare moment to read.

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