Paper Mogul Sports
Derby · Season 7 · Round 47

The Crucible

Crossbones Field · The Crucible · 161 m · 16 competitors Crossing traffic Track furniture Uphill section Steep banking
CHAMPIONSHIP FULL TIME Fairness
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Carnage — Damp Kevin survives to win

Damp Kevin took The Crucible for the The Wet Socks. Second Sock finished second. 11 competitors failed to finish. The Wet Socks took the team honours.

#CompetitorTeamTimeGap Grid+/-ContactsTop speed
1 Damp Kevin WET The Wet Socks 3:46.283 4 +3 28 10.5
2 Second Sock WET The Wet Socks 3:46.300 +0.02 3 +1 25 10.9
3 Butter Bean BEA The Beans 3:46.725 +0.44 5 +2 29 10.8
4 Wide Load PCK The Pucks 3:53.658 +7.38 13 +9 51 12.0
5 Thick Rick NUG The Nuggets 4:01.733 +15.45 9 +4 50 10.4
The Lieutenant RUNNING LMP Lump Patrol 11 +5 44 11.4
Custard WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 15 +8 29 11.2
Big Randy WRECKED NOO The Noodles 2 -6 19 10.6
Crawlspace WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 8 -1 21 11.0
Stubbs RUNNING NUG The Nuggets 10 0 29 13.3
Refried Ron WRECKED BEA The Beans 6 -5 13 10.2
Slapper RUNNING PCK The Pucks 14 +2 22 11.0
Radiator WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 7 -6 12 10.5
Old Gristle RUNNING LMP Lump Patrol 12 -2 17 12.1
Tender Greg WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 16 +1 11 10.8
Crooked Pete RUNNING NOO The Noodles 1 -15 3 10.2
2.558
Somebody is going to have to sweep that up.
10.050
Old Gristle is coming through. Recent finishes: 1-9-5-11-2.
14.958
That has come off.
20.050
That was always going to happen.
24.983
There is nothing left of it. Recent finishes: 4-2-3-5-4.
30.050
Tender Greg is coming through.
35.850
And it all goes wrong.
40.050
Second Sock is on the move.
44.717
Crawlspace leaves something behind.
46.542
Stubbs has put Tender Greg out.
55.175
There is nothing left of it.
1:00.050
Thick Rick is on the move.
1:07.967
Look at the state of it. Recent finishes: 6-7-6-10-5.
1:12.542
They will not want to see that again.
1:18.417
Thick Rick is losing bits.
1:23.867
Crawlspace leaves something behind.
1:27.808
Butter Bean has put Radiator out. Recent finishes: 6-7-15-6-4.
1:32.583
Stripped to the shell.
1:39.092
Extraordinary scenes. Recent finishes: 3-2-4-3-6.
1:43.350
There is nothing left of it.
1:49.008
There goes a piece of Slapper.
1:52.975
Crawlspace is out.
1:57.267
Stubbs is going nowhere.
1:58.767
And that is Refried Ron finished.
2:09.183
There goes a piece of Wide Load.
2:15.192
Up it goes.
2:21.692
Stripped to the shell.
2:27.675
That is a long way off the ground.
2:35.200
It is coming apart now.
2:40.958
Wide Load leaves something behind.
2:49.558
And that is Big Randy finished.
2:54.258
That is a long way off the ground.
3:04.267
Look at the state of it.
3:09.500
Wide Load is losing bits.
3:15.500
And it all goes wrong.
3:18.592
This is the last of it.
3:23.667
Custard will not take much more.
3:28.750
Custard is out, and Wide Load did it.
3:33.933
And it all goes wrong.
3:42.550
Second Sock goes to the front.
3:43.283
Here comes Damp Kevin.
3:44.783
Somebody is going to have to sweep that up.
3:46.283
Damp Kevin wins the derby.
SectionSurfaceLeader at exitElapsedFastest through
Smooth Descent Clay Custard 25.125 Custard 25.125
Smooth Descent Clay Old Gristle 52.858 Stubbs 25.659
Smooth Descent Clay Crawlspace 1:23.042 Big Randy 27.209
Smooth Descent Clay Crawlspace 1:50.233 Stubbs 27.025
Smooth Descent Clay Big Randy 2:20.825 Big Randy 26.592
Smooth Descent Clay Big Randy 2:48.783 Butter Bean 27.609
Smooth Descent Clay Damp Kevin 3:18.592 Thick Rick 27.583
Smooth Descent Clay Second Sock 3:46.300 Second Sock 26.467
#TeamScoreFinishersPoints
1 WET The Wet Socks 3 2/2 16
2 BEA The Beans 14 1/2 14
3 NUG The Nuggets 15 1/2 12
4 PCK The Pucks 16 1/2 10
5 LMP Lump Patrol 20 0/2 8
6 SFT The Soft Boys 22 0/2 6
7 HEA Basement Heat 22 0/2 4
8 NOO The Noodles 24 0/2 2
Pack races score the sum of a team's best three finishing positions. Lower is better.

Race card

16 declared
3
Crooked Pete The Noodles
158 starts, 4 wins, average finish 8.9. Last five: 2-4-16-14-10.
152.92
1
Big Randy The Noodles
170 starts, 9 wins, average finish 6.1. Last five: 12-3-8-7-10.
28.97
2
Second Sock The Wet Socks
185 starts, 29 wins, average finish 3.9. Last five: 2-5-5-3-1.
3.00
4
Damp Kevin The Wet Socks
172 starts, 33 wins, average finish 3.7. Last five: 4-4-2-3-3.
2.67
22
Butter Bean The Beans
167 starts, 1 win, average finish 8.9. Last five: 4-11-16-2-8.
83.04
5
Refried Ron The Beans
174 starts, 0 wins, average finish 12.9. Last five: 13-12-13-12-16.
219.30
4
Radiator Basement Heat
192 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.1. Last five: 12-15-12-9-8.
219.30
13
Crawlspace Basement Heat
162 starts, 1 win, average finish 8.4. Last five: 8-11-6-11-6.
91.18
33
Thick Rick The Nuggets
163 starts, 5 wins, average finish 7.4. Last five: 10-13-12-2-6.
54.20
7
Stubbs The Nuggets
169 starts, 13 wins, average finish 7.7. Last five: 5-4-2-3-3.
21.60
10
The Lieutenant Lump Patrol
167 starts, 36 wins, average finish 5.1. Last five: 3-3-1-14-1.
11.50
44
Old Gristle Lump Patrol
182 starts, 43 wins, average finish 5.0. Last five: 7-6-6-1-1.
10.26
4
Wide Load The Pucks
177 starts, 32 wins, average finish 5.3. Last five: 2-1-7-1-6.
10.07
8
Slapper The Pucks
165 starts, 16 wins, average finish 8.3. Last five: 6-7-15-1-8.
131.46
21
Custard The Soft Boys
165 starts, 4 wins, average finish 7.8. Last five: 4-16-4-8-16.
94.83
6
Tender Greg The Soft Boys
177 starts, 0 wins, average finish 14.6. Last five: 16-15-15-13-16.
219.30

Course preview

9 sections · 161 m
Smooth Descent Smooth
7m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
10m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
4m ↓11°
Smooth Descent Smooth
4m ↑11°
Smooth Descent Smooth
57m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
7m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
10m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
7m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
57m ↓15°

Crossbones with a hill cut into the approach — the two nastiest ideas in the sport bolted together on purpose. Eight laps, a junction taken twice a lap, and a climb a damaged Chunkle simply does not get up. This is the championship, and it has never once been won by anything still wearing half its rind. They present the trophy at the top of the hill, which most of the field never reaches, and the engraver is kept on standby because the winner is rarely in a fit state to spell its own name.

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