Paper Mogul Sports
Derby · Season 1 · Round 16

The Pinch — Team Pack Race

The Pinch Works · The Pinch · 135 m · 16 competitors Pinch points Steep banking
FULL TIME Fairness
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Carnage — The Coaster survives to win

The Coaster took The Pinch — Team Pack Race for the The Pucks. The Heel finished second. 7 competitors failed to finish. The Wet Socks took the team honours.

#CompetitorTeamTimeGap Grid+/-ContactsTop speed
1 The Coaster PCK The Pucks 3:15.475 13 +12 28 12.2
2 The Heel WET The Wet Socks 3:18.950 +3.48 4 +2 12 10.7
3 Floppy Joe NOO The Noodles 3:20.200 +4.73 1 -2 8 10.4
4 Second Sock WET The Wet Socks 3:20.642 +5.17 3 -1 14 10.3
5 Big Randy NOO The Noodles 3:21.042 +5.57 2 -3 11 10.8
6 Custard SFT The Soft Boys 3:23.558 +8.08 16 +10 20 11.7
7 Butter Bean BEA The Beans 3:31.592 +16.12 6 -1 23 10.6
8 The Unit HEA Basement Heat 3:32.000 +16.53 7 -1 24 10.5
9 Thick Rick NUG The Nuggets 3:41.550 +26.08 10 +1 50 11.8
Sweaty Gerald WRECKED BEA The Beans 5 -5 21 11.1
Gravy WRECKED LMP Lump Patrol 12 +1 21 11.9
Squish WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 15 +3 23 11.8
Honey Mustard WRECKED NUG The Nuggets 9 -4 28 11.8
Chunk WRECKED LMP Lump Patrol 11 -3 21 12.5
Pilot Light WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 8 -7 10 10.2
Puck Yeah WRECKED PCK The Pucks 14 -2 11 11.3
3.367
Up it goes.
9.025
Honey Mustard is airborne!
15.267
Squish is losing bits. Recent finishes: 4-5-14-5-5.
20.050
Look at Puck Yeah go. Recent finishes: 3-1-2-1-3.
24.808
Floppy Joe is losing bits.
30.050
That was always going to happen.
34.442
There goes a piece of Pilot Light.
40.050
Honey Mustard is coming through. Recent finishes: 2-1-2-1-4.
44.625
Gravy leaves something behind.
49.458
There is nothing protecting Puck Yeah now. Recent finishes: 3-1-2-1-3.
53.975
You do not see that every day. Recent finishes: 4-5-14-5-5.
58.450
Puck Yeah will not be back.
1:02.933
And it all goes wrong.
1:07.800
A new leader — Squish.
1:12.167
Custard is airborne!
1:18.600
That was always going to happen.
1:23.533
They will not want to see that again.
1:29.108
And it all goes wrong.
1:33.592
And it all goes wrong.
1:35.258
Pilot Light is out.
1:39.825
That has come off.
1:41.517
Chunk is out, and Butter Bean did it.
1:47.050
Look at the state of it.
1:51.933
Look at the state of it.
1:57.042
That was always going to happen.
1:58.542
Honey Mustard is out, and Custard did it.
2:05.108
Somebody is going to have to sweep that up.
2:10.258
Oh, that is a big one.
2:14.542
That was always going to happen.
2:18.942
There is nothing left of it.
2:21.592
Squish has put Gravy out.
2:23.092
Squish will not be back.
2:30.050
There is nothing left of it.
2:34.608
That is a long way off the ground.
2:47.550
Sweaty Gerald has nothing left on it.
2:51.417
One to go.
2:56.683
The Unit leaves something behind.
3:03.925
Up it goes.
3:10.400
Sweaty Gerald is in trouble.
3:12.475
The Coaster has it.
3:12.517
Sweaty Gerald will not be back.
3:15.475
The Coaster wins the derby.
3:20.108
There goes a piece of Floppy Joe.
SectionSurfaceLeader at exitElapsedFastest through
Smooth Descent Clay Gravy 21.192 Gravy 21.192
Smooth Descent Clay Gravy 40.483 Gravy 19.291
Smooth Descent Clay Gravy 1:05.150 The Coaster 20.492
Smooth Descent Clay Squish 1:25.800 The Coaster 19.167
Smooth Descent Clay The Coaster 1:48.017 The Coaster 20.125
Smooth Descent Clay The Coaster 2:08.158 The Coaster 20.141
Smooth Descent Clay The Coaster 2:31.433 Floppy Joe 21.950
Smooth Descent Clay The Coaster 2:51.417 The Coaster 19.984
Smooth Descent Clay The Coaster 3:15.475 Floppy Joe 20.542
#TeamScoreFinishersPoints
1 WET The Wet Socks 6 2/2 8
2 NOO The Noodles 8 2/2 7
3 PCK The Pucks 17 1/2 6
4 BEA The Beans 17 1/2 5
5 SFT The Soft Boys 18 1/2 4
6 NUG The Nuggets 22 1/2 3
7 HEA Basement Heat 23 1/2 2
8 LMP Lump Patrol 25 0/2 1
Pack races score the sum of a team's best three finishing positions. Lower is better.

Race card

16 declared
12
Floppy Joe The Noodles
Debut appearance.
17.49
1
Big Randy The Noodles
5 starts, 0 wins, average finish 4.2. Last five: 2-4-7-4-4.
3.28
2
Second Sock The Wet Socks
6 starts, 0 wins, average finish 5.7. Last five: 3-3-5-9-5.
6.06
9
The Heel The Wet Socks
Debut appearance.
17.49
8
Sweaty Gerald The Beans
4 starts, 0 wins, average finish 11.8. Last five: 12-13-10-12.
62.51
22
Butter Bean The Beans
5 starts, 0 wins, average finish 10.0. Last five: 11-4-8-13-14.
91.52
1
The Unit Basement Heat
Debut appearance.
17.62
9
Pilot Light Basement Heat
5 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.0. Last five: 15-14-14-8-14.
219.30
2
Honey Mustard The Nuggets
Debut appearance.
14.78
33
Thick Rick The Nuggets
3 starts, 1 win, average finish 5.0. Last five: 2-12-1.
5.78
5
Chunk Lump Patrol
Debut appearance.
18.65
17
Gravy Lump Patrol
5 starts, 0 wins, average finish 8.0. Last five: 6-13-4-10-7.
50.65
3
The Coaster The Pucks
4 starts, 0 wins, average finish 9.3. Last five: 13-10-11-3.
28.82
69
Puck Yeah The Pucks
Debut appearance.
15.53
2
Squish The Soft Boys
5 starts, 0 wins, average finish 10.2. Last five: 7-11-9-9-15.
140.41
21
Custard The Soft Boys
Debut appearance.
19.78

Course preview

6 sections · 135 m
Smooth Descent Smooth
30m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
38m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
11m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
8m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
11m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
38m ↓15°

A disused rolling mill with an oval laid through the old loading bay, and a gap in the wall under four metres wide. Sixteen arrive at that gap together, two get through, and the rest sort it out — nine times a race, in front of a crowd that has stopped pretending it came for any other reason. The wall is original ironwork and has never once been repainted, on the grounds that it would only want doing again by Tuesday. Standing room is capped for reasons the management prefers not to put in writing.

On the record

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