Paper Mogul Sports
Derby · Season 8 · Round 36

The Pinch — Team Pack Race

The Pinch Works · The Pinch · 135 m · 16 competitors Pinch points Steep banking
FULL TIME Fairness
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Carnage — The Heel survives to win

The Heel took The Pinch — Team Pack Race for the The Wet Socks. Damp Kevin finished second. 8 competitors failed to finish. The Wet Socks took the team honours.

#CompetitorTeamTimeGap Grid+/-ContactsTop speed
1 The Heel WET The Wet Socks 3:18.175 4 +3 9 10.6
2 Damp Kevin WET The Wet Socks 3:19.550 +1.38 3 +1 9 10.3
3 Crooked Pete NOO The Noodles 3:21.550 +3.38 1 -2 6 10.5
4 Old Gristle LMP Lump Patrol 3:21.683 +3.51 12 +8 31 12.3
5 Honey Mustard NUG The Nuggets 3:32.917 +14.74 9 +4 36 12.7
6 Butter Bean BEA The Beans 3:36.092 +17.92 6 0 28 10.6
7 Sweaty Gerald BEA The Beans 3:37.025 +18.85 5 -2 23 10.4
8 The Unit HEA Basement Heat 3:39.408 +21.23 7 -1 18 10.1
Floppy Joe WRECKED NOO The Noodles 2 -7 13 10.4
Lil Nugget WRECKED NUG The Nuggets 10 0 39 12.7
Chunk WRECKED LMP Lump Patrol 11 0 22 12.3
The Coaster WRECKED PCK The Pucks 14 +2 30 11.5
Squish WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 16 +3 21 11.2
Radiator WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 8 -6 13 10.4
Puck Yeah WRECKED PCK The Pucks 13 -2 23 12.1
Yolk WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 15 -1 12 11.6
3.400
A new leader — Squish. Career record: 3 wins from 249, average finish 5.8.
10.050
Squish is coming through.
20.050
Look at The Coaster go. Recent finishes: 1-3-1-1-1.
24.525
Radiator is losing bits.
30.050
Crooked Pete is coming through.
34.358
That has come off.
39.000
Yolk is airborne!
44.125
Oh, that is a big one.
52.167
That has come off. Recent finishes: 3-1-3-3-15.
56.775
The Heel leaves something behind.
1:02.683
Oh, that is a big one.
1:07.217
There goes a piece of Floppy Joe.
1:11.425
Extraordinary scenes.
1:16.567
There goes a piece of Sweaty Gerald. Recent finishes: 8-11-5-6-15.
1:22.933
That has come off.
1:28.183
Lil Nugget is airborne!
1:31.408
Yolk is out, and Crooked Pete did it.
1:36.675
Absolute carnage.
1:41.533
Somebody is going to have to sweep that up.
1:50.050
Crooked Pete is coming through.
1:54.583
That is a long way off the ground. Recent finishes: 2-1-2-3-2.
2:00.050
Old Gristle is losing places.
2:04.908
There is nothing protecting Squish now.
2:10.025
Butter Bean has put Puck Yeah out.
2:16.350
Stripped to the shell.
2:19.825
Honey Mustard has put Radiator out.
2:24.092
That is a long way off the ground.
2:27.167
Floppy Joe has put Squish out.
2:33.375
Up it goes.
2:34.875
The Coaster is out.
2:39.500
Old Gristle is airborne!
2:44.350
Chunk is in trouble.
2:51.383
Wrecked, and out of the race.
2:56.383
Last lap.
2:58.708
That is Crooked Pete taking Floppy Joe with them.
3:03.142
They felt that in the back row.
3:10.033
That is real damage.
3:14.158
That is The Unit taking Lil Nugget with them.
3:15.175
Here comes The Heel.
3:18.175
It is The Heel!
3:25.600
There goes a piece of Sweaty Gerald.
3:36.800
Sweaty Gerald leaves something behind.
SectionSurfaceLeader at exitElapsedFastest through
Smooth Descent Clay Squish 20.967 Squish 20.967
Smooth Descent Clay Old Gristle 41.125 Old Gristle 19.975
Smooth Descent Clay Old Gristle 1:03.892 The Heel 21.809
Smooth Descent Clay Old Gristle 1:27.183 Honey Mustard 19.708
Smooth Descent Clay Damp Kevin 1:49.750 The Heel 21.083
Smooth Descent Clay Damp Kevin 2:11.642 The Coaster 20.025
Smooth Descent Clay Damp Kevin 2:34.275 Floppy Joe 20.725
Smooth Descent Clay The Heel 2:56.383 Old Gristle 21.483
Smooth Descent Clay The Heel 3:18.175 The Heel 21.792
#TeamScoreFinishersPoints
1 WET The Wet Socks 3 2/2 8
2 NOO The Noodles 12 1/2 7
3 BEA The Beans 13 2/2 6
4 LMP Lump Patrol 15 1/2 5
5 NUG The Nuggets 15 1/2 4
6 HEA Basement Heat 22 1/2 3
7 PCK The Pucks 27 0/2 2
8 SFT The Soft Boys 29 0/2 1
Pack races score the sum of a team's best three finishing positions. Lower is better.

Race card

16 declared
3
Crooked Pete The Noodles
178 starts, 6 wins, average finish 8.8. Last five: 2-13-10-3-7.
53.98
12
Floppy Joe The Noodles
185 starts, 6 wins, average finish 8.9. Last five: 15-1-4-10-13.
65.06
4
Damp Kevin The Wet Socks
188 starts, 36 wins, average finish 3.7. Last five: 7-3-4-2-6.
1.58
9
The Heel The Wet Socks
170 starts, 17 wins, average finish 5.6. Last five: 4-7-4-5-9.
5.47
8
Sweaty Gerald The Beans
185 starts, 0 wins, average finish 11.1. Last five: 12-9-7-13-16.
219.30
22
Butter Bean The Beans
185 starts, 1 win, average finish 8.7. Last five: 6-8-9-3-7.
44.29
1
The Unit Basement Heat
190 starts, 4 wins, average finish 7.5. Last five: 8-7-13-5-7.
31.84
4
Radiator Basement Heat
212 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.1. Last five: 12-12-12-12-15.
219.30
2
Honey Mustard The Nuggets
192 starts, 8 wins, average finish 7.8. Last five: 8-10-8-6-11.
54.85
0
Lil Nugget The Nuggets
190 starts, 5 wins, average finish 8.7. Last five: 7-6-1-15-12.
69.72
5
Chunk Lump Patrol
162 starts, 5 wins, average finish 9.9. Last five: 8-10-13-1-10.
219.30
44
Old Gristle Lump Patrol
203 starts, 49 wins, average finish 5.0. Last five: 9-5-1-3-2.
5.31
69
Puck Yeah The Pucks
184 starts, 5 wins, average finish 12.4. Last five: 11-14-15-16-14.
219.30
3
The Coaster The Pucks
186 starts, 18 wins, average finish 7.9. Last five: 16-12-9-4-14.
137.91
0
Yolk The Soft Boys
187 starts, 0 wins, average finish 14.1. Last five: 16-13-16-16-16.
219.30
2
Squish The Soft Boys
189 starts, 0 wins, average finish 10.7. Last five: 11-7-14-15-12.
219.30

Course preview

6 sections · 135 m
Smooth Descent Smooth
30m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
38m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
11m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
8m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
11m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
38m ↓15°

A disused rolling mill with an oval laid through the old loading bay, and a gap in the wall under four metres wide. Sixteen arrive at that gap together, two get through, and the rest sort it out — nine times a race, in front of a crowd that has stopped pretending it came for any other reason. The wall is original ironwork and has never once been repainted, on the grounds that it would only want doing again by Tuesday. Standing room is capped for reasons the management prefers not to put in writing.

On the record

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