Paper Mogul Sports
Derby · Season 8 · Round 43

The Wall — Team Pack Race

The Board Track · The Wall · 101 m · 16 competitors Steep banking
FULL TIME Fairness
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Carnage — Old Gristle survives to win

Old Gristle took The Wall — Team Pack Race for the Lump Patrol. The Unit finished second. 10 competitors failed to finish. The Noodles took the team honours.

#CompetitorTeamTimeGap Grid+/-ContactsTop speed
1 Old Gristle LMP Lump Patrol 3:08.017 12 +11 39 12.6
2 The Unit HEA Basement Heat 3:14.200 +6.18 7 +5 45 11.6
3 Butter Bean BEA The Beans 3:14.650 +6.63 6 +3 34 11.0
4 Long John NOO The Noodles 3:18.433 +10.42 1 -3 9 10.9
5 Damp Kevin WET The Wet Socks 3:19.617 +11.60 4 -1 8 10.7
6 The Heel WET The Wet Socks 3:20.692 +12.68 3 -3 14 11.1
Floppy Joe WRECKED NOO The Noodles 2 -5 13 11.0
Wide Load RUNNING PCK The Pucks 13 +5 29 12.8
Thick Rick RUNNING NUG The Nuggets 10 +1 34 12.7
Crawlspace WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 8 -2 26 11.4
Custard WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 16 +5 33 12.3
Sweaty Gerald WRECKED BEA The Beans 5 -7 27 11.4
The Lieutenant RUNNING LMP Lump Patrol 11 -2 18 11.6
Puck Yeah WRECKED PCK The Pucks 14 0 21 12.5
Lil Nugget WRECKED NUG The Nuggets 9 -6 20 14.4
Tender Greg WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 15 -1 11 11.3
2.250
Up it goes. Recent finishes: 4-4-4-4-3.
6.450
A new leader — Crawlspace.
13.650
Tender Greg is losing bits.
20.050
Extraordinary scenes. Recent finishes: 1-1-1-3-3.
25.483
Up it goes.
30.050
Look at Puck Yeah go. Recent finishes: 1-2-1-1-1.
35.225
And it all goes wrong.
39.942
Beautiful. Just beautiful.
43.783
Tender Greg is out, and Damp Kevin did it. Recent finishes: 4-4-7-5-4.
48.283
Up it goes.
52.808
Custard is losing bits. Recent finishes: 4-4-4-4-3.
58.458
There is nothing protecting Lil Nugget now.
1:06.050
Look at the state of it.
1:07.875
Wrecked, and out of the race.
1:12.250
Wide Load takes the lead.
1:15.658
That is Old Gristle taking Puck Yeah with them.
1:20.050
Look at the state of it.
1:25.325
Look at the state of it.
1:30.667
Floppy Joe leaves something behind.
1:36.700
Up it goes.
1:47.392
Up it goes.
1:55.442
There goes a piece of Crawlspace.
2:01.367
Up it goes.
2:05.625
Sweaty Gerald is in trouble.
2:10.092
And it all goes wrong.
2:17.792
And that is Custard finished.
2:19.692
That is Crawlspace taking Sweaty Gerald with them.
2:28.675
And that is Crawlspace finished.
2:35.608
That was always going to happen.
2:39.883
Thick Rick is airborne!
2:46.908
And it all goes wrong.
2:52.375
This is the last of it.
3:00.950
The Unit leaves something behind.
3:05.017
Old Gristle has it.
3:08.017
Old Gristle takes it!
3:18.133
Long John has put Floppy Joe out.
3:22.383
That has come off.
3:29.708
That is a long way off the ground.
SectionSurfaceLeader at exitElapsedFastest through
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 13.358 Old Gristle 13.358
Smooth Descent Boards Wide Load 28.833 Custard 13.666
Smooth Descent Boards Custard 44.408 Lil Nugget 12.800
Smooth Descent Boards Custard 58.492 Puck Yeah 13.875
Smooth Descent Boards Custard 1:15.067 The Lieutenant 14.500
Smooth Descent Boards Custard 1:30.783 Old Gristle 14.683
Smooth Descent Boards Wide Load 1:45.083 Wide Load 13.816
Smooth Descent Boards Wide Load 2:00.342 Thick Rick 0.067
Smooth Descent Boards Wide Load 2:16.917 Old Gristle 14.800
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 2:36.508 Old Gristle 14.525
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 2:52.375 The Heel 15.567
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 3:08.017 The Unit 15.400
#TeamScoreFinishersPoints
1 NOO The Noodles 11 1/2 8
2 WET The Wet Socks 11 2/2 7
3 HEA Basement Heat 12 1/2 6
4 LMP Lump Patrol 14 1/2 5
5 BEA The Beans 15 1/2 4
6 PCK The Pucks 22 0/2 3
7 NUG The Nuggets 24 0/2 2
8 SFT The Soft Boys 27 0/2 1
Pack races score the sum of a team's best three finishing positions. Lower is better.

Race card

16 declared
7
Long John The Noodles
203 starts, 8 wins, average finish 5.6. Last five: 7-15-5-3-7.
17.08
12
Floppy Joe The Noodles
191 starts, 6 wins, average finish 8.9. Last five: 15-7-6-11-12.
219.30
9
The Heel The Wet Socks
172 starts, 17 wins, average finish 5.6. Last five: 2-2-4-7-4.
8.93
4
Damp Kevin The Wet Socks
190 starts, 36 wins, average finish 3.7. Last five: 6-3-7-3-4.
3.66
8
Sweaty Gerald The Beans
189 starts, 0 wins, average finish 11.1. Last five: 12-5-11-11-12.
219.30
22
Butter Bean The Beans
191 starts, 1 win, average finish 8.7. Last five: 13-13-4-4-9.
56.85
1
The Unit Basement Heat
190 starts, 4 wins, average finish 7.5. Last five: 8-7-13-5-7.
21.22
13
Crawlspace Basement Heat
183 starts, 1 win, average finish 8.4. Last five: 10-5-10-8-13.
84.81
0
Lil Nugget The Nuggets
194 starts, 5 wins, average finish 8.7. Last five: 7-14-13-4-7.
169.80
33
Thick Rick The Nuggets
187 starts, 6 wins, average finish 7.4. Last five: 11-8-5-4-6.
38.39
10
The Lieutenant Lump Patrol
189 starts, 42 wins, average finish 5.1. Last five: 8-14-2-1-1.
7.02
44
Old Gristle Lump Patrol
208 starts, 49 wins, average finish 5.0. Last five: 9-4-2-2-3.
5.07
4
Wide Load The Pucks
203 starts, 38 wins, average finish 5.2. Last five: 1-1-7-3-9.
4.23
69
Puck Yeah The Pucks
190 starts, 5 wins, average finish 12.3. Last five: 15-7-15-10-15.
219.30
6
Tender Greg The Soft Boys
198 starts, 0 wins, average finish 14.5. Last five: 9-15-10-16-15.
219.30
21
Custard The Soft Boys
187 starts, 5 wins, average finish 7.8. Last five: 7-11-14-6-13.
209.19

Course preview

4 sections · 101 m
Smooth Descent Smooth
16m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
35m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
16m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
35m ↓15°

A velodrome that took a wrong turn somewhere and never came back. Twenty-six degrees of varnished pine holds the entire field at exactly the same radius whether anybody likes it or not, so the only way past a rival is straight through them. Nothing here chooses its own line; the banking chooses it, and the banking has no favourites and takes no notes. The boards were reclaimed from a real velodrome in 1991 and still carry the original lap markings under the tyre rubber, which no competitor has ever had a spare moment to read.

On the record

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