Paper Mogul Sports
Derby · Season 8 · Round 47

The Crucible

Crossbones Field · The Crucible · 161 m · 16 competitors Crossing traffic Track furniture Uphill section Steep banking
CHAMPIONSHIP FULL TIME Fairness
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Carnage — Tube Sock survives to win

Tube Sock took The Crucible for the The Wet Socks. The Heel finished second. 15 competitors failed to finish. The Wet Socks took the team honours.

#CompetitorTeamTimeGap Grid+/-ContactsTop speed
1 Tube Sock WET The Wet Socks 3:43.933 4 +3 22 10.5
The Heel WRECKED WET The Wet Socks 3 +1 20 11.2
Custard WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 16 +13 21 11.7
Honey Mustard WRECKED NUG The Nuggets 9 +5 35 10.9
Sweaty Gerald WRECKED BEA The Beans 6 +1 23 10.7
The Kidney WRECKED BEA The Beans 5 -1 18 10.8
Crooked Pete WRECKED NOO The Noodles 2 -5 13 10.6
Lil Nugget WRECKED NUG The Nuggets 10 +2 23 11.7
Crawlspace WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 8 -1 18 10.6
Tender Greg WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 15 +5 10 10.9
Puck Yeah WRECKED PCK The Pucks 13 +2 14 11.9
Floppy Joe WRECKED NOO The Noodles 1 -11 13 10.2
The Coaster WRECKED PCK The Pucks 14 +1 19 10.9
Pilot Light WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 7 -7 12 10.5
Old Gristle RUNNING LMP Lump Patrol 12 -3 12 10.8
The Lieutenant RUNNING LMP Lump Patrol 11 -5 5 10.1
1.675
And it all goes wrong.
7.450
Tender Greg takes the lead.
13.058
That is a long way off the ground. Recent finishes: 8-4-2-2-3.
17.350
Absolute carnage. Recent finishes: 5-7-2-3-8.
27.225
There is nothing left of it. Recent finishes: 6-7-4-5-4.
31.933
Puck Yeah is losing bits. Recent finishes: 1-1-1-2-1.
36.983
Tender Greg leaves something behind. Recent finishes: 6-7-4-5-4.
41.592
Beautiful. Just beautiful.
46.192
Up it goes.
50.467
Crawlspace is losing bits.
55.350
Crooked Pete leaves something behind.
59.933
Sweaty Gerald is losing bits.
1:01.433
Crooked Pete has put Pilot Light out.
1:07.433
Stripped to the shell.
1:11.717
Somebody is going to have to sweep that up.
1:13.775
That is The Lieutenant taking The Coaster with them.
1:16.225
Sweaty Gerald has put Floppy Joe out.
1:20.858
Oh, that is a big one.
1:25.408
That has come off.
1:29.408
The Kidney has put Puck Yeah out.
1:35.725
Tender Greg is out.
1:39.975
Crawlspace is out, and The Lieutenant did it.
1:50.050
Beautiful. Just beautiful.
1:54.733
That has come off.
2:00.858
Stripped to the shell.
2:06.975
There is nothing left of it.
2:11.642
Wrecked, and out of the race.
2:18.800
Look at the state of it.
2:21.333
Wrecked, and out of the race.
2:25.183
Old Gristle has put The Kidney out.
2:31.767
That is a long way off the ground.
2:38.308
Custard will not take much more.
2:44.417
The Lieutenant has put Sweaty Gerald out.
2:47.858
The Heel has put Custard out.
2:50.675
Honey Mustard will not be back.
3:02.158
That is real damage.
3:04.583
Wrecked, and out of the race.
3:17.158
This is the last of it.
3:40.933
Here comes Tube Sock.
3:43.933
It is Tube Sock!
SectionSurfaceLeader at exitElapsedFastest through
Smooth Descent Clay Tender Greg 26.425 Tender Greg 26.425
Smooth Descent Clay Tender Greg 52.283 Tender Greg 25.858
Smooth Descent Clay Tender Greg 1:20.917 Custard 27.017
Smooth Descent Clay The Heel 1:51.675 Custard 27.225
Smooth Descent Clay The Heel 2:19.950 Custard 27.992
Smooth Descent Clay The Heel 2:47.808 Tube Sock 27.567
Smooth Descent Clay Tube Sock 3:17.158 Tube Sock 28.341
Smooth Descent Clay Tube Sock 3:43.933 Tube Sock 26.775
#TeamScoreFinishersPoints
1 WET The Wet Socks 3 1/2 16
2 BEA The Beans 11 0/2 14
3 NUG The Nuggets 12 0/2 12
4 SFT The Soft Boys 13 0/2 10
5 NOO The Noodles 19 0/2 8
6 HEA Basement Heat 23 0/2 6
7 PCK The Pucks 24 0/2 4
8 LMP Lump Patrol 31 0/2 2
Pack races score the sum of a team's best three finishing positions. Lower is better.

Race card

16 declared
12
Floppy Joe The Noodles
194 starts, 6 wins, average finish 8.9. Last five: 5-16-9-15-7.
164.67
3
Crooked Pete The Noodles
184 starts, 6 wins, average finish 8.7. Last five: 13-3-6-6-9.
101.14
9
The Heel The Wet Socks
175 starts, 18 wins, average finish 5.5. Last five: 4-10-1-2-2.
6.80
11
Tube Sock The Wet Socks
199 starts, 25 wins, average finish 4.3. Last five: 2-1-3-5-2.
1.86
6
The Kidney The Beans
189 starts, 0 wins, average finish 10.0. Last five: 13-13-12-11-10.
219.30
8
Sweaty Gerald The Beans
191 starts, 0 wins, average finish 11.0. Last five: 9-7-12-5-11.
219.30
9
Pilot Light Basement Heat
181 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.5. Last five: 15-14-11-14-14.
219.30
13
Crawlspace Basement Heat
184 starts, 1 win, average finish 8.4. Last five: 10-10-5-10-8.
53.43
2
Honey Mustard The Nuggets
195 starts, 8 wins, average finish 7.8. Last five: 7-5-6-8-10.
23.60
0
Lil Nugget The Nuggets
196 starts, 5 wins, average finish 8.7. Last five: 9-10-7-14-13.
69.57
10
The Lieutenant Lump Patrol
191 starts, 43 wins, average finish 5.1. Last five: 8-1-8-14-2.
6.67
44
Old Gristle Lump Patrol
209 starts, 49 wins, average finish 5.0. Last five: 4-9-4-2-2.
5.59
69
Puck Yeah The Pucks
192 starts, 5 wins, average finish 12.3. Last five: 11-15-15-7-15.
219.30
3
The Coaster The Pucks
190 starts, 18 wins, average finish 7.9. Last five: 6-8-12-3-16.
82.62
6
Tender Greg The Soft Boys
199 starts, 0 wins, average finish 14.5. Last five: 15-9-15-10-16.
219.30
21
Custard The Soft Boys
187 starts, 5 wins, average finish 7.8. Last five: 7-11-14-6-13.
72.44

Course preview

9 sections · 161 m
Smooth Descent Smooth
7m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
10m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
4m ↓11°
Smooth Descent Smooth
4m ↑11°
Smooth Descent Smooth
57m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
7m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
10m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
7m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
57m ↓15°

Crossbones with a hill cut into the approach — the two nastiest ideas in the sport bolted together on purpose. Eight laps, a junction taken twice a lap, and a climb a damaged Chunkle simply does not get up. This is the championship, and it has never once been won by anything still wearing half its rind. They present the trophy at the top of the hill, which most of the field never reaches, and the engraver is kept on standby because the winner is rarely in a fit state to spell its own name.

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