Paper Mogul Sports
Derby · Season 9 · Round 1

The Saucer — Team Pack Race

Saucer Park · The Saucer · 107 m · 16 competitors Steep banking
FULL TIME Fairness
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Carnage — Wide Load survives to win

Wide Load took The Saucer — Team Pack Race for the The Pucks. Damp Kevin finished second. 10 competitors failed to finish. The Wet Socks took the team honours.

#CompetitorTeamTimeGap Grid+/-ContactsTop speed
1 Wide Load PCK The Pucks 3:35.417 14 +13 39 11.5
2 Damp Kevin WET The Wet Socks 3:39.692 +4.28 3 +1 16 10.9
3 The Lieutenant LMP Lump Patrol 3:41.167 +5.75 12 +9 36 12.4
4 The Heel WET The Wet Socks 3:45.317 +9.90 4 0 15 10.8
5 Stubbs NUG The Nuggets 3:45.883 +10.47 10 +5 35 11.5
6 Butter Bean BEA The Beans 4:02.525 +27.11 6 0 22 10.5
Big Randy WRECKED NOO The Noodles 2 -5 22 10.5
Crawlspace WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 7 -1 25 11.0
Custard WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 15 +6 35 11.3
Crooked Pete WRECKED NOO The Noodles 1 -9 13 10.5
Chunk WRECKED LMP Lump Patrol 11 0 37 11.3
Slapper WRECKED PCK The Pucks 13 +1 27 11.6
Honey Mustard WRECKED NUG The Nuggets 9 -4 39 12.0
The Kidney WRECKED BEA The Beans 5 -9 24 10.4
Radiator WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 8 -7 12 10.0
Yolk WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 16 0 11 11.3
2.433
That is a long way off the ground. Recent finishes: 4-4-4-4-4.
7.908
There goes a piece of Yolk.
12.200
Oh, that is a big one. Recent finishes: 2-3-2-3-2.
17.517
There is nothing left of it.
24.742
Honey Mustard is losing bits. Recent finishes: 3-8-4-2-2.
29.508
Look at the state of it.
35.108
That is a long way off the ground.
40.050
Wide Load goes to the front.
45.533
That has come off.
47.033
That is Damp Kevin taking Yolk with them. Recent finishes: 4-4-4-4-4.
53.125
And it all goes wrong.
57.792
Big Randy is losing bits. Recent finishes: 6-7-8-6-6.
1:05.425
Somebody is going to have to sweep that up.
1:10.050
It is unravelling for Honey Mustard.
1:16.150
That has come off.
1:21.058
Radiator has nothing left on it.
1:26.042
Extraordinary scenes.
1:30.433
Custard is losing bits.
1:34.833
That has come off.
1:41.167
There is nothing left of it.
1:45.850
And it all goes wrong.
1:50.050
Honey Mustard is on the move.
1:56.308
Crooked Pete leaves something behind.
1:57.825
Radiator is out, and Custard did it.
2:03.600
You do not see that every day.
2:08.100
Somebody is going to have to sweep that up.
2:12.933
That has come off.
2:19.692
You do not see that every day.
2:24.583
There is nothing left of it.
2:30.467
That has come off.
2:35.583
That has come off.
2:42.017
There goes a piece of Chunk.
2:47.117
Up it goes.
2:48.617
Honey Mustard is out, and Stubbs did it.
2:52.592
And that is The Kidney finished.
2:57.275
That is a long way off the ground.
3:01.500
That has come off.
3:03.000
That is The Heel taking Slapper with them.
3:07.725
It is coming apart now.
3:14.308
That is real damage.
3:15.808
One to go.
3:17.308
Wide Load has put Chunk out.
3:18.808
That is The Heel taking Crooked Pete with them.
3:25.533
That is a long way off the ground.
3:32.417
Wide Load has it.
3:33.400
And that is Custard finished.
3:35.417
It is Wide Load!
3:41.258
It is coming apart now.
3:44.767
Big Randy is out.
3:50.200
They will not want to see that again.
3:56.442
And that is Crawlspace finished.
SectionSurfaceLeader at exitElapsedFastest through
Smooth Descent Clay The Lieutenant 15.175 The Lieutenant 15.175
Smooth Descent Clay Honey Mustard 35.025 Wide Load 15.858
Smooth Descent Clay Wide Load 52.092 Wide Load 16.659
Smooth Descent Clay Wide Load 1:08.875 Wide Load 16.783
Smooth Descent Clay Wide Load 1:26.917 Damp Kevin 17.041
Smooth Descent Clay Wide Load 1:42.625 Honey Mustard 15.458
Smooth Descent Clay Wide Load 1:58.808 Wide Load 16.183
Smooth Descent Clay Wide Load 2:19.500 Damp Kevin 17.950
Smooth Descent Clay Wide Load 2:38.233 Slapper 17.325
Smooth Descent Clay Wide Load 2:56.542 The Lieutenant 15.992
Smooth Descent Clay Wide Load 3:15.725 The Lieutenant 15.258
Smooth Descent Clay Wide Load 3:35.417 Stubbs 15.716
#TeamScoreFinishersPoints
1 WET The Wet Socks 6 2/2 8
2 PCK The Pucks 13 1/2 7
3 LMP Lump Patrol 14 1/2 6
4 NOO The Noodles 17 0/2 5
5 NUG The Nuggets 18 1/2 4
6 BEA The Beans 20 1/2 3
7 HEA Basement Heat 23 0/2 2
8 SFT The Soft Boys 25 0/2 1
Pack races score the sum of a team's best three finishing positions. Lower is better.

Race card

16 declared
3
Crooked Pete The Noodles
190 starts, 6 wins, average finish 8.7. Last five: 7-6-6-9-9.
145.14
1
Big Randy The Noodles
194 starts, 11 wins, average finish 6.0. Last five: 4-1-10-10-4.
11.49
4
Damp Kevin The Wet Socks
197 starts, 36 wins, average finish 3.7. Last five: 2-5-10-3-4.
2.01
9
The Heel The Wet Socks
180 starts, 18 wins, average finish 5.5. Last five: 2-3-2-6-10.
7.35
6
The Kidney The Beans
195 starts, 0 wins, average finish 10.0. Last five: 6-12-13-12-13.
219.30
22
Butter Bean The Beans
197 starts, 1 win, average finish 8.7. Last five: 3-4-10-11-5.
47.99
13
Crawlspace Basement Heat
191 starts, 1 win, average finish 8.4. Last five: 9-4-7-10-8.
73.83
4
Radiator Basement Heat
219 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.1. Last five: 14-14-8-16-7.
219.30
2
Honey Mustard The Nuggets
202 starts, 8 wins, average finish 7.8. Last five: 4-9-14-12-7.
29.49
7
Stubbs The Nuggets
196 starts, 13 wins, average finish 7.6. Last five: 12-13-8-6-4.
37.83
5
Chunk Lump Patrol
171 starts, 5 wins, average finish 10.0. Last five: 11-15-3-16-15.
219.30
10
The Lieutenant Lump Patrol
198 starts, 43 wins, average finish 5.2. Last five: 16-3-8-13-6.
10.93
8
Slapper The Pucks
192 starts, 21 wins, average finish 8.4. Last five: 14-1-11-11-12.
67.50
4
Wide Load The Pucks
208 starts, 39 wins, average finish 5.2. Last five: 8-6-8-1-7.
5.45
21
Custard The Soft Boys
195 starts, 5 wins, average finish 7.8. Last five: 3-10-10-4-11.
47.21
0
Yolk The Soft Boys
197 starts, 0 wins, average finish 14.2. Last five: 16-12-16-16-10.
219.30

Course preview

4 sections · 107 m
Smooth Descent Smooth
16m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
38m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
16m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
38m ↓15°

Short, banked, clay, and nowhere to hide — twelve laps of the same two corners with the whole field welded to the same line. It is the sport at its most basic and still puts one competitor in the wall most weeks. The grandstand was built on the outside of turn two for the obvious reason: that is where everything ends up, and those seats come with a complimentary poncho. The clay is rolled smooth every morning and looks, for about four minutes, like it might be safe. It is not.

On the record

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