Paper Mogul Sports
Derby · Season 9 · Round 23

The Wall — Team Pack Race

The Board Track · The Wall · 101 m · 16 competitors Steep banking
FULL TIME Fairness
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Carnage — Old Gristle survives to win

Old Gristle took The Wall — Team Pack Race for the Lump Patrol. Slapper finished second. 7 competitors failed to finish. The Pucks took the team honours.

#CompetitorTeamTimeGap Grid+/-ContactsTop speed
1 Old Gristle LMP Lump Patrol 2:55.333 12 +11 40 13.1
2 Slapper PCK The Pucks 2:58.375 +3.04 14 +12 30 13.1
3 Wide Load PCK The Pucks 3:02.933 +7.60 13 +10 46 14.1
4 Thick Rick NUG The Nuggets 3:08.833 +13.50 9 +5 44 12.9
5 The Unit HEA Basement Heat 3:11.383 +16.05 7 +2 33 11.7
6 The Heel WET The Wet Socks 3:17.142 +21.81 4 -2 11 11.3
7 Tube Sock WET The Wet Socks 3:17.417 +22.08 3 -4 6 11.1
8 Long John NOO The Noodles 3:18.700 +23.37 1 -7 8 10.8
9 Floppy Joe NOO The Noodles 3:19.833 +24.50 2 -7 6 11.7
Sweaty Gerald WRECKED BEA The Beans 6 -4 24 11.6
Lil Nugget WRECKED NUG The Nuggets 10 -1 29 13.5
Radiator WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 8 -4 13 11.5
Refried Ron WRECKED BEA The Beans 5 -8 15 10.8
Chunk WRECKED LMP Lump Patrol 11 -3 15 12.6
Yolk WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 16 +1 12 12.4
Tender Greg WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 15 -1 8 10.9
1.950
Yolk is losing bits.
6.575
Tender Greg leaves something behind. Recent finishes: 2-2-5-4-1.
11.025
That has come off. Recent finishes: 5-8-12-7-6.
16.008
The Heel is losing bits.
21.558
Look at the state of it. Recent finishes: 8-16-3-8-3.
26.192
Look at the state of it.
29.558
That is Wide Load taking Tender Greg with them. Recent finishes: 2-2-5-4-1.
33.783
Refried Ron is losing bits. Recent finishes: 11-5-7-8-7.
39.058
Chunk leaves something behind.
41.433
Wide Load has put Yolk out.
45.892
That has come off.
50.158
And it all goes wrong.
55.292
Up it goes.
59.917
Sweaty Gerald leaves something behind.
1:03.125
And that is Chunk finished.
1:08.417
You do not see that every day.
1:13.600
A new leader — Wide Load.
1:18.117
Absolute carnage.
1:19.617
And that is Refried Ron finished.
1:24.183
That is real damage.
1:28.867
Sweaty Gerald leaves something behind.
1:30.367
Radiator is out.
1:35.042
Lil Nugget is airborne!
1:39.358
Look at the state of it.
1:44.658
There is nothing left of it.
1:51.000
Slapper goes to the front.
1:55.225
And it all goes wrong.
1:56.725
Sweaty Gerald is out.
2:04.167
The Heel is losing bits.
2:08.367
Absolute carnage.
2:13.150
That has come off.
2:15.925
Lil Nugget will not be back.
2:20.533
That has come off.
2:25.700
Old Gristle goes to the front.
2:32.783
That is a long way off the ground.
2:37.608
Oh, that is a big one.
2:42.625
Last lap.
2:48.950
Old Gristle takes the lead.
2:52.333
Old Gristle is coming to the flag.
2:54.225
Floppy Joe is losing bits.
2:55.725
It is Old Gristle!
3:00.025
Up it goes.
SectionSurfaceLeader at exitElapsedFastest through
Smooth Descent Boards Thick Rick 14.325 Thick Rick 14.325
Smooth Descent Boards Thick Rick 29.242 Wide Load 14.300
Smooth Descent Boards Wide Load 46.225 Slapper 14.850
Smooth Descent Boards Wide Load 58.267 Wide Load 12.042
Smooth Descent Boards Wide Load 1:15.742 Old Gristle 13.925
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 1:29.825 Old Gristle 14.000
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 1:45.758 Wide Load 14.458
Smooth Descent Boards Wide Load 2:00.992 Thick Rick 14.734
Smooth Descent Boards Slapper 2:15.250 Thick Rick 13.400
Smooth Descent Boards Slapper 2:29.258 Old Gristle 13.358
Smooth Descent Boards Slapper 2:42.625 Old Gristle 13.125
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 2:55.333 Old Gristle 12.558
#TeamScoreFinishersPoints
1 PCK The Pucks 5 2/2 8
2 WET The Wet Socks 13 2/2 7
3 LMP Lump Patrol 15 1/2 6
4 NUG The Nuggets 15 1/2 5
5 HEA Basement Heat 17 1/2 4
6 NOO The Noodles 17 2/2 3
7 BEA The Beans 23 0/2 2
8 SFT The Soft Boys 31 0/2 1
Pack races score the sum of a team's best three finishing positions. Lower is better.

Race card

16 declared
7
Long John The Noodles
212 starts, 8 wins, average finish 5.6. Last five: 7-5-15-4-2.
12.97
12
Floppy Joe The Noodles
206 starts, 7 wins, average finish 9.0. Last five: 8-15-12-14-1.
202.08
11
Tube Sock The Wet Socks
208 starts, 28 wins, average finish 4.3. Last five: 4-4-2-1-1.
2.53
9
The Heel The Wet Socks
188 starts, 19 wins, average finish 5.5. Last five: 2-8-3-13-1.
9.90
5
Refried Ron The Beans
210 starts, 0 wins, average finish 12.9. Last five: 12-14-12-11-12.
219.30
8
Sweaty Gerald The Beans
200 starts, 0 wins, average finish 11.0. Last five: 13-16-5-5-13.
219.30
1
The Unit Basement Heat
203 starts, 4 wins, average finish 7.6. Last five: 12-7-5-6-11.
20.48
4
Radiator Basement Heat
231 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.1. Last five: 14-9-15-11-16.
219.30
33
Thick Rick The Nuggets
205 starts, 6 wins, average finish 7.5. Last five: 10-12-14-3-6.
45.09
0
Lil Nugget The Nuggets
204 starts, 5 wins, average finish 8.8. Last five: 9-14-8-7-7.
196.67
5
Chunk Lump Patrol
177 starts, 5 wins, average finish 10.0. Last five: 5-15-8-10-13.
219.30
44
Old Gristle Lump Patrol
216 starts, 52 wins, average finish 5.0. Last five: 2-4-15-1-1.
4.45
4
Wide Load The Pucks
218 starts, 43 wins, average finish 5.2. Last five: 1-8-1-2-7.
3.98
8
Slapper The Pucks
198 starts, 21 wins, average finish 8.5. Last five: 10-15-13-7-11.
219.30
6
Tender Greg The Soft Boys
210 starts, 0 wins, average finish 14.5. Last five: 16-10-16-13-10.
219.30
0
Yolk The Soft Boys
203 starts, 0 wins, average finish 14.2. Last five: 15-16-15-15-16.
219.30

Course preview

4 sections · 101 m
Smooth Descent Smooth
16m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
35m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
16m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
35m ↓15°

A velodrome that took a wrong turn somewhere and never came back. Twenty-six degrees of varnished pine holds the entire field at exactly the same radius whether anybody likes it or not, so the only way past a rival is straight through them. Nothing here chooses its own line; the banking chooses it, and the banking has no favourites and takes no notes. The boards were reclaimed from a real velodrome in 1991 and still carry the original lap markings under the tyre rubber, which no competitor has ever had a spare moment to read.

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