Paper Mogul Sports
Derby · Season 11 · Round 16

The Pinch — Team Pack Race

The Pinch Works · The Pinch · 135 m · 16 competitors Pinch points Steep banking
FULL TIME Fairness
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Carnage — Stubbs survives to win

Stubbs took The Pinch — Team Pack Race for the The Nuggets. Tube Sock finished second. 5 competitors failed to finish. The Wet Socks took the team honours.

#CompetitorTeamTimeGap Grid+/-ContactsTop speed
1 Stubbs NUG The Nuggets 3:10.458 9 +8 34 11.2
2 Tube Sock WET The Wet Socks 3:16.517 +6.06 4 +2 6 10.5
3 Gravy LMP Lump Patrol 3:18.500 +8.04 11 +8 37 12.3
4 Long John NOO The Noodles 3:19.417 +8.96 2 -2 14 10.5
5 Damp Kevin WET The Wet Socks 3:19.700 +9.24 3 -2 16 10.2
6 Big Randy NOO The Noodles 3:21.683 +11.23 1 -5 11 10.6
7 The Coaster PCK The Pucks 3:25.000 +14.54 14 +7 31 11.8
8 Old Gristle LMP Lump Patrol 3:25.975 +15.52 12 +4 40 12.3
9 Slapper PCK The Pucks 3:30.308 +19.85 13 +4 34 11.3
10 Sweaty Gerald BEA The Beans 3:36.142 +25.68 6 -4 26 10.6
11 Butter Bean BEA The Beans 3:38.508 +28.05 5 -6 18 10.3
Pilot Light WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 7 -5 12 10.4
Lil Nugget WRECKED NUG The Nuggets 10 -3 28 12.1
Radiator WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 8 -6 13 10.7
Yolk WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 15 0 12 10.7
Tender Greg WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 16 0 11 11.4
3.808
Up it goes. Recent finishes: 6-2-3-2-1.
8.650
Slapper goes to the front.
14.900
Gravy takes the lead. Career record: 62 wins from 302, average finish 3.7.
20.050
It is unravelling for Slapper.
25.092
Gravy is losing bits.
29.383
Gravy is airborne!
34.108
Look at the state of it. Recent finishes: 8-5-1-6-4.
39.983
Beautiful. Just beautiful.
45.133
That has come off. Recent finishes: 5-4-7-4-3.
50.050
Oh, that is a big one. Recent finishes: 8-5-1-6-4.
55.558
Somebody is going to have to sweep that up.
1:00.050
Look at Stubbs go.
1:06.208
Yolk has nothing left on it.
1:10.750
There is nothing left of it.
1:12.250
Tender Greg is out, and Yolk did it.
1:18.458
That has come off.
1:25.825
They felt that in the back row.
1:29.450
That is Old Gristle taking Yolk with them.
1:37.100
Up it goes.
1:42.358
Stubbs is airborne!
1:45.058
Radiator is out.
1:49.833
You do not see that every day.
1:55.150
Gravy takes the lead.
2:01.133
They will not want to see that again.
2:08.675
Beautiful. Just beautiful.
2:15.342
There goes a piece of Big Randy.
2:20.908
There is nothing protecting Pilot Light now.
2:26.692
Wrecked, and out of the race.
2:31.017
There goes a piece of Gravy.
2:32.942
Pilot Light will not be back.
2:41.075
Up it goes.
2:47.083
Oh, that is a big one.
2:48.583
One to go.
2:54.742
That is a long way off the ground.
2:59.483
There goes a piece of Big Randy.
3:07.458
Stubbs has it.
3:08.242
Up it goes.
3:10.458
Stubbs wins the derby.
3:14.683
Sweaty Gerald is losing bits.
3:20.292
Somebody is going to have to sweep that up.
3:33.267
Sweaty Gerald will not take much more.
SectionSurfaceLeader at exitElapsedFastest through
Smooth Descent Clay Gravy 20.300 Gravy 20.300
Smooth Descent Clay Gravy 42.450 Yolk 20.800
Smooth Descent Clay Gravy 1:05.033 Tube Sock 21.808
Smooth Descent Clay Tube Sock 1:26.083 Old Gristle 20.675
Smooth Descent Clay Tube Sock 1:48.625 Long John 21.809
Smooth Descent Clay Stubbs 2:02.275 Stubbs 0.558
Smooth Descent Clay Stubbs 2:24.825 Long John 21.042
Smooth Descent Clay Stubbs 2:48.283 The Coaster 20.208
Smooth Descent Clay Stubbs 3:10.458 The Coaster 20.275
#TeamScoreFinishersPoints
1 WET The Wet Socks 7 2/2 8
2 NOO The Noodles 10 2/2 7
3 LMP Lump Patrol 11 2/2 6
4 NUG The Nuggets 14 1/2 5
5 PCK The Pucks 16 2/2 4
6 BEA The Beans 21 2/2 3
7 HEA Basement Heat 26 0/2 2
8 SFT The Soft Boys 31 0/2 1
Pack races score the sum of a team's best three finishing positions. Lower is better.

Race card

16 declared
1
Big Randy The Noodles
243 starts, 14 wins, average finish 6.2. Last five: 6-4-15-5-5.
15.07
7
Long John The Noodles
267 starts, 9 wins, average finish 5.6. Last five: 4-5-4-3-3.
6.70
4
Damp Kevin The Wet Socks
253 starts, 46 wins, average finish 3.8. Last five: 10-1-3-3-5.
3.30
11
Tube Sock The Wet Socks
244 starts, 33 wins, average finish 4.2. Last five: 1-1-3-6-8.
2.21
22
Butter Bean The Beans
263 starts, 2 wins, average finish 8.7. Last five: 6-9-14-13-6.
93.21
8
Sweaty Gerald The Beans
240 starts, 0 wins, average finish 11.0. Last five: 7-16-11-3-8.
219.30
9
Pilot Light Basement Heat
228 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.6. Last five: 15-9-16-14-14.
219.30
4
Radiator Basement Heat
269 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.1. Last five: 15-12-9-15-8.
219.30
7
Stubbs The Nuggets
246 starts, 14 wins, average finish 7.8. Last five: 15-11-10-12-11.
144.13
0
Lil Nugget The Nuggets
248 starts, 6 wins, average finish 8.8. Last five: 8-14-8-14-13.
219.30
17
Gravy Lump Patrol
262 starts, 35 wins, average finish 7.0. Last five: 10-6-12-1-1.
60.48
44
Old Gristle Lump Patrol
264 starts, 65 wins, average finish 4.9. Last five: 10-2-1-5-5.
8.76
8
Slapper The Pucks
238 starts, 26 wins, average finish 8.6. Last five: 6-9-4-12-12.
153.50
3
The Coaster The Pucks
250 starts, 24 wins, average finish 7.7. Last five: 12-13-6-12-14.
154.78
0
Yolk The Soft Boys
246 starts, 0 wins, average finish 14.3. Last five: 15-16-16-10-16.
219.30
6
Tender Greg The Soft Boys
247 starts, 1 win, average finish 14.4. Last five: 16-16-10-14-16.
219.30

Course preview

6 sections · 135 m
Smooth Descent Smooth
30m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
38m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
11m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
8m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
11m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
38m ↓15°

A disused rolling mill with an oval laid through the old loading bay, and a gap in the wall under four metres wide. Sixteen arrive at that gap together, two get through, and the rest sort it out — nine times a race, in front of a crowd that has stopped pretending it came for any other reason. The wall is original ironwork and has never once been repainted, on the grounds that it would only want doing again by Tuesday. Standing room is capped for reasons the management prefers not to put in writing.

On the record

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