Paper Mogul Sports
Derby · Season 11 · Round 23

The Wall — Team Pack Race

The Board Track · The Wall · 101 m · 16 competitors Steep banking
FULL TIME Fairness
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Carnage — Old Gristle survives to win

Old Gristle took The Wall — Team Pack Race for the Lump Patrol. Wide Load finished second. 8 competitors failed to finish. Lump Patrol took the team honours.

#CompetitorTeamTimeGap Grid+/-ContactsTop speed
1 Old Gristle LMP Lump Patrol 3:03.633 12 +11 41 13.2
2 Wide Load PCK The Pucks 3:09.117 +5.48 13 +11 43 12.8
3 Stubbs NUG The Nuggets 3:12.958 +9.33 10 +7 47 12.2
4 The Unit HEA Basement Heat 3:15.350 +11.72 8 +4 30 11.6
5 Butter Bean BEA The Beans 3:18.675 +15.04 6 +1 36 11.7
6 Long John NOO The Noodles 3:19.067 +15.43 1 -5 8 11.0
7 Tube Sock WET The Wet Socks 3:19.583 +15.95 3 -4 16 10.9
8 Damp Kevin WET The Wet Socks 3:20.308 +16.68 4 -4 12 11.0
Floppy Joe WRECKED NOO The Noodles 2 -7 12 10.7
Sweaty Gerald WRECKED BEA The Beans 5 -5 35 11.3
Honey Mustard WRECKED NUG The Nuggets 9 -2 47 11.9
Custard WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 16 +4 24 12.0
Gravy WRECKED LMP Lump Patrol 11 -2 29 12.2
Pilot Light WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 7 -7 12 11.4
Tender Greg WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 15 0 9 11.5
The Coaster FELL PCK The Pucks 14 -2 2 20.8
2.250
Up it goes.
6.558
Tender Greg is losing bits.
10.850
Sweaty Gerald is losing bits.
16.367
Gravy is losing bits. Recent finishes: 1-2-3-14-2.
22.800
There goes a piece of Pilot Light.
27.850
A new leader — Honey Mustard. Career record: 26 wins from 325, average finish 4.6.
33.733
That has come off. Recent finishes: 1-2-3-14-2.
38.925
There goes a piece of Custard. Recent finishes: 7-7-9-3-5.
44.092
That is real damage.
45.592
That is Damp Kevin taking Tender Greg with them.
50.050
Old Gristle is coming through.
56.025
That has come off. Recent finishes: 4-3-10-2-6.
1:01.475
It is coming apart now.
1:04.058
Pilot Light is out, and Wide Load did it.
1:09.817
Honey Mustard is airborne!
1:15.383
Up it goes.
1:19.717
There is nothing protecting Gravy now.
1:28.575
And it all goes wrong.
1:32.983
They felt that in the back row.
1:34.483
And that is Gravy finished.
1:38.775
There is nothing left of it.
1:43.017
You do not see that every day.
1:45.575
That is Sweaty Gerald taking Custard with them.
1:49.925
And it all goes wrong.
1:56.125
That has come off.
2:00.525
Stubbs is airborne!
2:06.625
That is a long way off the ground.
2:11.692
Old Gristle is airborne!
2:19.025
Honey Mustard has nothing left on it.
2:24.817
It is coming apart now.
2:29.358
Honey Mustard will not take much more.
2:33.292
And that is Honey Mustard finished.
2:40.375
Sweaty Gerald has nothing left on it.
2:45.108
Old Gristle leaves something behind.
2:46.775
Sweaty Gerald will not be back.
2:49.400
One to go.
2:57.608
And that is Floppy Joe finished.
3:00.633
Old Gristle is coming to the flag.
3:03.633
Old Gristle takes it!
3:08.475
That has come off.
SectionSurfaceLeader at exitElapsedFastest through
Smooth Descent Boards Pilot Light 14.600 Pilot Light 14.600
Smooth Descent Boards Honey Mustard 30.783 Wide Load 13.883
Smooth Descent Boards Honey Mustard 45.458 Stubbs 13.558
Smooth Descent Boards Honey Mustard 1:01.283 Gravy 13.192
Smooth Descent Boards Gravy 1:16.817 Gravy 13.550
Smooth Descent Boards Gravy 1:30.917 Gravy 14.100
Smooth Descent Boards Honey Mustard 1:46.733 Honey Mustard 12.766
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 2:02.300 Old Gristle 15.075
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 2:17.300 Honey Mustard 14.534
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 2:34.908 Wide Load 14.492
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 2:49.400 Old Gristle 14.492
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 3:03.633 Wide Load 13.317
#TeamScoreFinishersPoints
1 LMP Lump Patrol 14 1/2 8
2 NUG The Nuggets 14 1/2 7
3 BEA The Beans 15 1/2 6
4 NOO The Noodles 15 1/2 5
5 WET The Wet Socks 15 2/2 4
6 PCK The Pucks 18 1/2 3
7 HEA Basement Heat 18 1/2 2
8 SFT The Soft Boys 27 0/2 1
Pack races score the sum of a team's best three finishing positions. Lower is better.

Race card

16 declared
7
Long John The Noodles
270 starts, 9 wins, average finish 5.6. Last five: 6-4-8-4-5.
10.87
12
Floppy Joe The Noodles
250 starts, 10 wins, average finish 9.1. Last five: 6-12-13-12-9.
216.64
11
Tube Sock The Wet Socks
247 starts, 33 wins, average finish 4.1. Last five: 2-2-7-1-1.
3.62
4
Damp Kevin The Wet Socks
258 starts, 48 wins, average finish 3.8. Last five: 3-1-1-5-7.
3.44
8
Sweaty Gerald The Beans
241 starts, 0 wins, average finish 11.0. Last five: 12-7-16-11-3.
219.30
22
Butter Bean The Beans
267 starts, 3 wins, average finish 8.8. Last five: 15-16-1-14-6.
115.53
9
Pilot Light Basement Heat
232 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.6. Last five: 14-10-13-14-15.
219.30
1
The Unit Basement Heat
251 starts, 4 wins, average finish 7.6. Last five: 7-8-7-4-8.
21.92
2
Honey Mustard The Nuggets
257 starts, 8 wins, average finish 8.1. Last five: 7-14-6-5-12.
140.43
7
Stubbs The Nuggets
252 starts, 14 wins, average finish 7.8. Last five: 12-9-4-4-10.
71.14
17
Gravy Lump Patrol
267 starts, 35 wins, average finish 7.0. Last five: 9-2-7-6-3.
48.60
44
Old Gristle Lump Patrol
268 starts, 66 wins, average finish 4.9. Last five: 8-3-1-4-10.
4.98
4
Wide Load The Pucks
268 starts, 56 wins, average finish 5.1. Last five: 2-1-1-6-4.
6.14
3
The Coaster The Pucks
252 starts, 25 wins, average finish 7.7. Last five: 5-1-12-13-6.
92.68
6
Tender Greg The Soft Boys
250 starts, 1 win, average finish 14.4. Last five: 9-15-15-16-16.
219.30
21
Custard The Soft Boys
257 starts, 7 wins, average finish 7.9. Last five: 11-5-9-15-5.
219.30

Course preview

4 sections · 101 m
Smooth Descent Smooth
16m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
35m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
16m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
35m ↓15°

A velodrome that took a wrong turn somewhere and never came back. Twenty-six degrees of varnished pine holds the entire field at exactly the same radius whether anybody likes it or not, so the only way past a rival is straight through them. Nothing here chooses its own line; the banking chooses it, and the banking has no favourites and takes no notes. The boards were reclaimed from a real velodrome in 1991 and still carry the original lap markings under the tyre rubber, which no competitor has ever had a spare moment to read.

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