Paper Mogul Sports
Derby · Season 11 · Round 36

The Pinch — Team Pack Race

The Pinch Works · The Pinch · 135 m · 16 competitors Pinch points Steep banking
FULL TIME Fairness
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Carnage — Damp Kevin survives to win

Damp Kevin took The Pinch — Team Pack Race for the The Wet Socks. Custard finished second. 5 competitors failed to finish. The Wet Socks took the team honours.

#CompetitorTeamTimeGap Grid+/-ContactsTop speed
1 Damp Kevin WET The Wet Socks 3:17.558 4 +3 10 10.9
2 Custard SFT The Soft Boys 3:18.633 +1.08 16 +14 24 11.2
3 The Heel WET The Wet Socks 3:19.475 +1.92 3 0 14 10.5
4 Big Randy NOO The Noodles 3:20.292 +2.73 1 -3 10 10.8
5 Crooked Pete NOO The Noodles 3:20.742 +3.18 2 -3 8 10.6
6 Lil Nugget NUG The Nuggets 3:23.675 +6.12 10 +4 36 12.1
7 Gravy LMP Lump Patrol 3:29.325 +11.77 12 +5 33 11.9
8 Wide Load PCK The Pucks 3:31.900 +14.34 13 +5 39 11.3
9 The Unit HEA Basement Heat 3:33.367 +15.81 7 -2 23 11.2
10 Stubbs NUG The Nuggets 3:36.458 +18.90 9 -1 39 11.6
11 Sweaty Gerald BEA The Beans 3:38.367 +20.81 5 -6 25 10.5
The Kidney WRECKED BEA The Beans 6 -6 24 10.8
Squish WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 15 +2 24 10.9
Puck Yeah WRECKED PCK The Pucks 14 0 19 12.3
Radiator WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 8 -7 13 10.6
Chunk WRECKED LMP Lump Patrol 11 -5 15 11.7
3.092
Wide Load is airborne!
9.050
A new leader — Gravy. Career record: 65 wins from 314, average finish 3.7.
16.200
Squish goes to the front. Career record: 3 wins from 338, average finish 5.7.
20.817
Oh, that is a big one. Recent finishes: 4-4-4-3-12.
28.550
Somebody is going to have to sweep that up.
32.867
There goes a piece of Squish. Recent finishes: 4-4-4-3-12.
40.017
There goes a piece of Sweaty Gerald.
44.383
You do not see that every day.
48.600
There goes a piece of Chunk. Recent finishes: 2-6-14-1-2.
54.533
That was always going to happen.
59.067
There goes a piece of Chunk.
1:04.858
There goes a piece of Custard.
1:09.417
Up it goes.
1:14.217
Wide Load is airborne!
1:18.525
Chunk is out.
1:26.017
There goes a piece of Lil Nugget.
1:30.783
The Heel leaves something behind.
1:36.325
Puck Yeah leaves something behind.
1:41.592
Lil Nugget leaves something behind.
1:45.217
Wrecked, and out of the race.
1:48.958
Radiator will not be back.
1:51.542
Custard has put Squish out.
1:56.217
That is a long way off the ground.
2:01.850
And it all goes wrong.
2:08.275
Lil Nugget leaves something behind.
2:13.100
Somebody is going to have to sweep that up.
2:18.900
They felt that in the back row.
2:23.142
Up it goes.
2:27.700
Gravy is losing bits.
2:37.317
Up it goes.
2:42.983
They will not want to see that again.
2:47.183
Oh, that is a big one.
2:51.750
Beautiful. Just beautiful.
2:55.475
Last lap.
2:59.917
There is nothing left of it.
3:05.133
That is a long way off the ground.
3:10.233
That is a long way off the ground.
3:14.558
Damp Kevin has it.
3:14.967
Extraordinary scenes.
3:16.467
The Kidney will not be back.
3:17.967
Damp Kevin wins the derby.
SectionSurfaceLeader at exitElapsedFastest through
Smooth Descent Clay Gravy 20.592 Gravy 20.592
Smooth Descent Clay Puck Yeah 42.017 Puck Yeah 20.967
Smooth Descent Clay Puck Yeah 1:03.400 Chunk 20.583
Smooth Descent Clay Puck Yeah 1:26.942 Big Randy 20.967
Smooth Descent Clay Squish 1:49.750 Squish 20.625
Smooth Descent Clay Custard 2:10.292 Custard 20.434
Smooth Descent Clay Custard 2:33.525 Lil Nugget 20.917
Smooth Descent Clay Custard 2:55.475 Stubbs 20.134
Smooth Descent Clay Damp Kevin 3:17.558 Damp Kevin 19.850
#TeamScoreFinishersPoints
1 WET The Wet Socks 4 2/2 8
2 NOO The Noodles 9 2/2 7
3 SFT The Soft Boys 15 1/2 6
4 NUG The Nuggets 16 2/2 5
5 PCK The Pucks 22 1/2 4
6 LMP Lump Patrol 23 1/2 3
7 BEA The Beans 23 1/2 2
8 HEA Basement Heat 24 1/2 1
Pack races score the sum of a team's best three finishing positions. Lower is better.

Race card

16 declared
1
Big Randy The Noodles
251 starts, 15 wins, average finish 6.2. Last five: 1-10-3-11-6.
9.87
3
Crooked Pete The Noodles
249 starts, 8 wins, average finish 8.8. Last five: 3-11-6-8-11.
63.25
9
The Heel The Wet Socks
239 starts, 21 wins, average finish 5.5. Last five: 10-4-9-10-1.
7.13
4
Damp Kevin The Wet Socks
269 starts, 49 wins, average finish 3.9. Last five: 2-3-1-8-3.
1.73
8
Sweaty Gerald The Beans
250 starts, 0 wins, average finish 10.9. Last five: 13-4-13-10-11.
219.30
6
The Kidney The Beans
259 starts, 0 wins, average finish 10.2. Last five: 10-11-13-10-12.
219.30
1
The Unit Basement Heat
258 starts, 4 wins, average finish 7.6. Last five: 4-9-7-4-6.
29.51
4
Radiator Basement Heat
281 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.1. Last five: 14-13-14-13-14.
219.30
7
Stubbs The Nuggets
264 starts, 16 wins, average finish 7.8. Last five: 6-7-8-11-12.
35.78
0
Lil Nugget The Nuggets
255 starts, 6 wins, average finish 8.7. Last five: 5-6-13-10-3.
67.17
5
Chunk Lump Patrol
222 starts, 6 wins, average finish 10.0. Last five: 11-8-15-4-8.
219.30
17
Gravy Lump Patrol
274 starts, 35 wins, average finish 7.0. Last five: 13-16-5-12-4.
79.40
4
Wide Load The Pucks
274 starts, 57 wins, average finish 5.1. Last five: 1-7-10-4-2.
5.16
69
Puck Yeah The Pucks
254 starts, 7 wins, average finish 12.1. Last five: 14-15-1-9-3.
219.30
2
Squish The Soft Boys
259 starts, 1 win, average finish 10.9. Last five: 13-12-9-5-14.
219.30
21
Custard The Soft Boys
263 starts, 7 wins, average finish 7.9. Last five: 12-8-9-10-6.
78.46

Course preview

6 sections · 135 m
Smooth Descent Smooth
30m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
38m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
11m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
8m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
11m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
38m ↓15°

A disused rolling mill with an oval laid through the old loading bay, and a gap in the wall under four metres wide. Sixteen arrive at that gap together, two get through, and the rest sort it out — nine times a race, in front of a crowd that has stopped pretending it came for any other reason. The wall is original ironwork and has never once been repainted, on the grounds that it would only want doing again by Tuesday. Standing room is capped for reasons the management prefers not to put in writing.

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