Paper Mogul Sports
Derby · Season 6 · Round 33

The Wall — Team Pack Race

The Board Track · The Wall · 101 m · 16 competitors Steep banking
FULL TIME Fairness
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Carnage — Wide Load survives to win

Wide Load took The Wall — Team Pack Race for the The Pucks. The Unit finished second. 9 competitors failed to finish. Basement Heat took the team honours.

#CompetitorTeamTimeGap Grid+/-ContactsTop speed
1 Wide Load PCK The Pucks 3:09.208 14 +13 41 12.4
2 The Unit HEA Basement Heat 3:14.517 +5.31 7 +5 35 11.6
3 Thick Rick NUG The Nuggets 3:17.300 +8.09 9 +6 52 12.3
4 Long John NOO The Noodles 3:17.633 +8.43 1 -3 13 11.0
5 Crawlspace HEA Basement Heat 3:18.567 +9.36 8 +3 36 11.3
6 Tube Sock WET The Wet Socks 3:18.800 +9.59 4 -2 11 10.9
7 Damp Kevin WET The Wet Socks 3:18.967 +9.76 3 -4 13 10.9
Sweaty Gerald WRECKED BEA The Beans 6 -2 27 11.8
Floppy Joe WRECKED NOO The Noodles 2 -7 13 11.1
Chunk WRECKED LMP Lump Patrol 11 +1 23 12.9
Puck Yeah WRECKED PCK The Pucks 13 +2 17 12.2
Squish WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 15 +3 15 12.8
Lil Nugget RUNNING NUG The Nuggets 10 -3 17 12.1
Old Gristle RUNNING LMP Lump Patrol 12 -2 15 12.6
Refried Ron WRECKED BEA The Beans 5 -10 17 11.0
Tender Greg WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 16 0 11 11.5
2.308
Tender Greg is airborne! Recent finishes: 3-8-4-3-9.
7.450
Refried Ron leaves something behind. Recent finishes: 6-7-6-4-8.
14.442
There goes a piece of The Unit.
18.933
Chunk leaves something behind. Recent finishes: 7-4-2-2-16.
24.658
That is a long way off the ground. Recent finishes: 16-13-8-7-15.
29.642
Squish leaves something behind.
33.933
Wide Load is airborne!
38.683
Look at the state of it.
43.775
That is a long way off the ground.
48.100
Squish goes to the front.
52.300
Tender Greg goes to the front. Career record: 0 wins from 182, average finish 5.9.
53.800
That is Squish taking Tender Greg with them.
58.050
Wide Load is airborne!
1:02.883
Refried Ron is out, and Tube Sock did it.
1:04.383
Squish is out.
1:08.683
Up it goes.
1:13.233
There goes a piece of Puck Yeah.
1:17.942
Absolute carnage.
1:22.625
That is a long way off the ground.
1:24.125
That is Long John taking Puck Yeah with them.
1:29.150
Chunk takes the lead.
1:35.975
Chunk is airborne!
1:45.350
Chunk is in trouble.
1:52.000
Beautiful. Just beautiful.
1:54.508
Wrecked, and out of the race.
2:03.250
Wide Load goes to the front.
2:10.692
Oh, that is a big one.
2:12.192
Floppy Joe is out, and Long John did it.
2:20.050
They will not want to see that again.
2:26.733
Thick Rick is airborne!
2:35.967
Oh, that is a big one.
2:45.975
They will not want to see that again.
2:50.058
That is The Unit taking Sweaty Gerald with them.
2:55.058
This is the last of it.
3:00.050
Look at Thick Rick go.
3:06.208
Here comes Wide Load.
3:09.208
Wide Load wins the derby.
3:15.708
And it all goes wrong.
SectionSurfaceLeader at exitElapsedFastest through
Smooth Descent Boards Crawlspace 14.817 Crawlspace 14.817
Smooth Descent Boards Squish 30.208 Squish 14.666
Smooth Descent Boards Tender Greg 45.292 Wide Load 14.433
Smooth Descent Boards Squish 1:01.400 Chunk 14.459
Smooth Descent Boards Wide Load 1:16.392 Wide Load 13.284
Smooth Descent Boards Wide Load 1:33.600 The Unit 15.267
Smooth Descent Boards Chunk 1:45.858 Chunk 11.775
Smooth Descent Boards Wide Load 2:04.417 Wide Load 15.242
Smooth Descent Boards Wide Load 2:23.150 Sweaty Gerald 14.417
Smooth Descent Boards Wide Load 2:39.700 Thick Rick 13.475
Smooth Descent Boards Wide Load 2:55.058 Thick Rick 15.100
Smooth Descent Boards Wide Load 3:09.208 Wide Load 14.150
#TeamScoreFinishersPoints
1 HEA Basement Heat 7 2/2 8
2 PCK The Pucks 12 1/2 7
3 NOO The Noodles 13 1/2 6
4 WET The Wet Socks 13 2/2 5
5 NUG The Nuggets 16 1/2 4
6 BEA The Beans 23 0/2 3
7 LMP Lump Patrol 24 0/2 2
8 SFT The Soft Boys 28 0/2 1
Pack races score the sum of a team's best three finishing positions. Lower is better.

Race card

16 declared
7
Long John The Noodles
141 starts, 8 wins, average finish 5.4. Last five: 3-2-2-2-5.
8.19
12
Floppy Joe The Noodles
135 starts, 4 wins, average finish 8.8. Last five: 7-15-11-7-11.
219.30
4
Damp Kevin The Wet Socks
147 starts, 27 wins, average finish 3.8. Last five: 5-4-3-1-1.
2.85
11
Tube Sock The Wet Socks
130 starts, 19 wins, average finish 4.3. Last five: 3-3-5-10-1.
4.57
5
Refried Ron The Beans
135 starts, 0 wins, average finish 12.7. Last five: 15-15-13-8-12.
219.30
8
Sweaty Gerald The Beans
137 starts, 0 wins, average finish 10.9. Last five: 13-12-6-9-9.
219.30
1
The Unit Basement Heat
134 starts, 4 wins, average finish 7.3. Last five: 11-2-8-7-13.
27.36
13
Crawlspace Basement Heat
130 starts, 1 win, average finish 8.4. Last five: 11-6-3-13-11.
79.55
33
Thick Rick The Nuggets
134 starts, 5 wins, average finish 7.3. Last five: 10-8-7-10-10.
62.25
0
Lil Nugget The Nuggets
136 starts, 3 wins, average finish 8.7. Last five: 9-6-12-13-9.
219.30
5
Chunk Lump Patrol
117 starts, 3 wins, average finish 10.2. Last five: 14-15-15-12-2.
219.30
44
Old Gristle Lump Patrol
144 starts, 34 wins, average finish 5.0. Last five: 2-1-5-6-3.
4.51
69
Puck Yeah The Pucks
133 starts, 4 wins, average finish 12.3. Last five: 9-9-14-12-1.
219.30
4
Wide Load The Pucks
135 starts, 23 wins, average finish 5.5. Last five: 1-1-5-13-4.
6.71
2
Squish The Soft Boys
136 starts, 0 wins, average finish 10.7. Last five: 5-14-10-7-11.
219.30
6
Tender Greg The Soft Boys
139 starts, 0 wins, average finish 14.5. Last five: 15-10-15-15-14.
219.30

Course preview

4 sections · 101 m
Smooth Descent Smooth
16m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
35m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
16m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
35m ↓15°

A velodrome that took a wrong turn somewhere and never came back. Twenty-six degrees of varnished pine holds the entire field at exactly the same radius whether anybody likes it or not, so the only way past a rival is straight through them. Nothing here chooses its own line; the banking chooses it, and the banking has no favourites and takes no notes. The boards were reclaimed from a real velodrome in 1991 and still carry the original lap markings under the tyre rubber, which no competitor has ever had a spare moment to read.

On the record

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