Paper Mogul Sports
Derby · Season 7 · Round 43

The Wall — Team Pack Race

The Board Track · The Wall · 101 m · 16 competitors Steep banking
FULL TIME Fairness
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Carnage — Old Gristle survives to win

Old Gristle took The Wall — Team Pack Race for the Lump Patrol. The Unit finished second. 10 competitors failed to finish. The Beans took the team honours.

#CompetitorTeamTimeGap Grid+/-ContactsTop speed
1 Old Gristle LMP Lump Patrol 3:05.258 11 +10 40 13.2
2 The Unit HEA Basement Heat 3:11.600 +6.34 8 +6 39 11.6
3 Butter Bean BEA The Beans 3:17.800 +12.54 6 +3 38 11.5
4 Big Randy NOO The Noodles 3:19.800 +14.54 1 -3 5 11.3
5 Tube Sock WET The Wet Socks 3:20.092 +14.83 4 -1 17 11.5
6 Second Sock WET The Wet Socks 3:20.417 +15.16 3 -3 13 10.7
Floppy Joe WRECKED NOO The Noodles 2 -5 13 11.2
Sweaty Gerald WRECKED BEA The Beans 5 -3 27 11.4
Wide Load RUNNING PCK The Pucks 14 +5 29 13.4
Thick Rick WRECKED NUG The Nuggets 10 0 31 12.2
Slapper WRECKED PCK The Pucks 13 +2 24 11.7
Gravy WRECKED LMP Lump Patrol 12 0 22 12.4
Stubbs RUNNING NUG The Nuggets 9 -4 20 13.0
Radiator WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 7 -7 13 11.9
Tender Greg WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 16 +1 10 12.4
Yolk WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 15 -1 12 12.2
2.308
Tender Greg is airborne! Recent finishes: 6-4-8-6-4.
6.875
Up it goes. Recent finishes: 11-2-3-2-2.
12.042
Look at the state of it. Recent finishes: 4-3-6-4-3.
16.283
They will not want to see that again.
23.267
Slapper is losing bits. Recent finishes: 3-1-2-2-2.
29.067
That has come off. Recent finishes: 13-7-13-8-7.
34.917
Big Randy is losing bits.
40.050
Look at Wide Load go.
45.150
Old Gristle goes to the front.
48.783
Yolk will not be back.
51.175
Tender Greg is out.
57.300
Up it goes.
1:02.100
Old Gristle is airborne!
1:07.000
You do not see that every day.
1:08.500
Radiator is out, and Second Sock did it.
1:16.058
That is a long way off the ground.
1:21.650
Somebody is going to have to sweep that up.
1:27.458
Gravy is airborne!
1:31.792
There is nothing protecting Slapper now.
1:33.292
Wrecked, and out of the race.
1:38.200
Sweaty Gerald leaves something behind.
1:41.317
Thick Rick is out, and Wide Load did it.
1:42.817
Slapper is out, and Butter Bean did it.
1:48.733
They will not want to see that again.
1:53.275
There is nothing left of it.
1:57.842
Sweaty Gerald will not take much more.
2:10.050
Look at Butter Bean go.
2:15.275
Wide Load is losing bits.
2:19.733
Wide Load is going nowhere.
2:21.650
Sweaty Gerald will not be back.
2:26.500
The Unit takes the lead.
2:31.058
That is Second Sock taking Floppy Joe with them.
2:38.658
There is nothing left of it.
2:51.017
One to go.
2:55.825
Absolute carnage.
3:02.258
Old Gristle is coming to the flag.
3:05.258
Old Gristle wins the derby.
SectionSurfaceLeader at exitElapsedFastest through
Smooth Descent Boards Yolk 14.717 Yolk 14.717
Smooth Descent Boards Yolk 30.892 Wide Load 15.075
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 46.550 Old Gristle 13.975
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 1:00.458 Thick Rick 12.733
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 1:15.417 Gravy 14.284
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 1:31.308 Thick Rick 15.425
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 1:47.192 Wide Load 13.808
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 2:02.775 Butter Bean 14.750
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 2:20.717 The Unit 15.783
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 2:36.233 The Unit 15.383
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 2:51.017 Old Gristle 14.784
Smooth Descent Boards Old Gristle 3:05.258 Old Gristle 14.241
#TeamScoreFinishersPoints
1 BEA The Beans 11 1/2 8
2 NOO The Noodles 11 1/2 7
3 WET The Wet Socks 11 2/2 6
4 LMP Lump Patrol 13 1/2 5
5 HEA Basement Heat 16 1/2 4
6 PCK The Pucks 20 0/2 3
7 NUG The Nuggets 23 0/2 2
8 SFT The Soft Boys 31 0/2 1
Pack races score the sum of a team's best three finishing positions. Lower is better.

Race card

16 declared
1
Big Randy The Noodles
170 starts, 9 wins, average finish 6.1. Last five: 12-3-8-7-10.
25.56
12
Floppy Joe The Noodles
167 starts, 4 wins, average finish 8.8. Last five: 5-15-6-11-12.
192.09
2
Second Sock The Wet Socks
183 starts, 29 wins, average finish 3.9. Last five: 5-3-1-5-5.
3.58
11
Tube Sock The Wet Socks
168 starts, 22 wins, average finish 4.3. Last five: 2-4-5-5-7.
4.13
8
Sweaty Gerald The Beans
166 starts, 0 wins, average finish 11.1. Last five: 15-12-13-11-12.
219.30
22
Butter Bean The Beans
165 starts, 1 win, average finish 8.9. Last five: 16-2-8-12-5.
71.38
4
Radiator Basement Heat
189 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.1. Last five: 9-8-15-15-16.
219.30
1
The Unit Basement Heat
171 starts, 4 wins, average finish 7.5. Last five: 6-12-5-3-11.
19.48
7
Stubbs The Nuggets
168 starts, 13 wins, average finish 7.7. Last five: 4-2-3-3-2.
16.91
33
Thick Rick The Nuggets
162 starts, 5 wins, average finish 7.4. Last five: 13-12-2-6-9.
44.48
44
Old Gristle Lump Patrol
180 starts, 43 wins, average finish 5.0. Last five: 6-1-1-9-2.
4.75
17
Gravy Lump Patrol
182 starts, 22 wins, average finish 7.2. Last five: 14-2-13-13-2.
78.34
8
Slapper The Pucks
164 starts, 16 wins, average finish 8.3. Last five: 7-15-1-8-8.
122.42
4
Wide Load The Pucks
177 starts, 32 wins, average finish 5.3. Last five: 2-1-7-1-6.
5.16
0
Yolk The Soft Boys
166 starts, 0 wins, average finish 14.1. Last five: 16-10-10-16-15.
219.30
6
Tender Greg The Soft Boys
177 starts, 0 wins, average finish 14.6. Last five: 16-15-15-13-16.
219.30

Course preview

4 sections · 101 m
Smooth Descent Smooth
16m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
35m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
16m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
35m ↓15°

A velodrome that took a wrong turn somewhere and never came back. Twenty-six degrees of varnished pine holds the entire field at exactly the same radius whether anybody likes it or not, so the only way past a rival is straight through them. Nothing here chooses its own line; the banking chooses it, and the banking has no favourites and takes no notes. The boards were reclaimed from a real velodrome in 1991 and still carry the original lap markings under the tyre rubber, which no competitor has ever had a spare moment to read.

On the record

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