Paper Mogul Sports
Derby · Season 1 · Round 13

The Wall — Team Pack Race

The Board Track · The Wall · 101 m · 16 competitors Steep banking
FULL TIME Fairness
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Carnage — Wide Load survives to win

Wide Load took The Wall — Team Pack Race for the The Pucks. The Unit finished second. 8 competitors failed to finish. The Beans took the team honours.

#CompetitorTeamTimeGap Grid+/-ContactsTop speed
1 Wide Load PCK The Pucks 3:11.983 14 +13 46 13.0
2 The Unit HEA Basement Heat 3:14.342 +2.36 7 +5 35 11.0
3 Butter Bean BEA The Beans 3:14.517 +2.53 5 +2 32 11.8
4 Thick Rick NUG The Nuggets 3:15.867 +3.88 9 +5 56 12.8
5 Tube Sock WET The Wet Socks 3:18.225 +6.24 3 -2 10 11.1
6 Big Randy NOO The Noodles 3:20.300 +8.32 1 -5 9 10.7
7 Damp Kevin WET The Wet Socks 3:20.600 +8.62 4 -3 11 11.1
8 Floppy Joe NOO The Noodles 3:20.967 +8.98 2 -6 11 10.9
The Kidney WRECKED BEA The Beans 6 -3 23 11.7
Gravy WRECKED LMP Lump Patrol 11 +1 27 13.0
Honey Mustard WRECKED NUG The Nuggets 10 -1 28 11.7
Squish WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 16 +4 19 11.5
Chunk WRECKED LMP Lump Patrol 12 -1 20 13.0
Pilot Light WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 8 -6 12 11.3
Puck Yeah WRECKED PCK The Pucks 13 -2 14 11.8
Tender Greg WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 15 -1 10 12.4
2.200
Squish goes to the front. Career record: 1 wins from 36, average finish 5.8.
6.600
Tender Greg takes the lead. Career record: 0 wins from 30, average finish 6.0.
11.050
Somebody is going to have to sweep that up.
16.208
Absolute carnage. Recent finishes: 5-15-6-1-4.
20.583
Oh, that is a big one.
25.150
They felt that in the back row.
30.050
Look at Honey Mustard go.
34.308
There goes a piece of Puck Yeah.
38.592
And it all goes wrong.
42.883
Pilot Light leaves something behind. Recent finishes: 5-15-6-1-4.
47.200
A new leader — Gravy.
51.125
Tender Greg is out, and Gravy did it.
56.367
And it all goes wrong. Recent finishes: 14-5-5-13-5.
1:01.083
Up it goes.
1:02.583
Puck Yeah is out.
1:08.758
Floppy Joe is losing bits.
1:13.092
Somebody is going to have to sweep that up.
1:18.775
Gravy is losing bits.
1:23.117
Floppy Joe is losing bits.
1:27.683
Oh, that is a big one.
1:29.183
That is Wide Load taking Pilot Light with them.
1:30.683
Chunk will not be back.
1:35.825
There goes a piece of Honey Mustard.
1:37.325
And that is Squish finished.
1:48.342
That is a long way off the ground.
1:54.283
That is real damage.
1:58.800
Absolute carnage.
2:00.300
And that is Honey Mustard finished.
2:05.592
They will not want to see that again.
2:09.542
Gravy will not be back.
2:16.583
Look at the state of it.
2:22.150
They will not want to see that again.
2:28.825
That is a long way off the ground.
2:33.375
Up it goes.
2:38.167
Oh, that is a big one.
2:45.742
The Kidney has nothing left on it.
2:53.125
They will not want to see that again.
2:54.625
One to go.
3:00.625
The Kidney is out.
3:05.475
Floppy Joe will not take much more.
3:08.983
Wide Load has it.
3:10.050
Somebody is going to have to sweep that up.
3:11.983
Wide Load takes it!
SectionSurfaceLeader at exitElapsedFastest through
Smooth Descent Boards Chunk 13.758 Chunk 13.758
Smooth Descent Boards Chunk 27.958 Gravy 12.783
Smooth Descent Boards Tender Greg 44.200 Thick Rick 14.083
Smooth Descent Boards Gravy 59.150 Wide Load 13.566
Smooth Descent Boards Gravy 1:16.250 Chunk 14.375
Smooth Descent Boards Gravy 1:32.358 Butter Bean 15.566
Smooth Descent Boards Gravy 1:48.250 Butter Bean 15.784
Smooth Descent Boards Gravy 2:03.600 Gravy 15.350
Smooth Descent Boards Wide Load 2:25.608 Thick Rick 14.383
Smooth Descent Boards Wide Load 2:39.025 Wide Load 13.417
Smooth Descent Boards Wide Load 2:53.550 Wide Load 14.525
Smooth Descent Boards Wide Load 3:11.983 Thick Rick 14.200
#TeamScoreFinishersPoints
1 BEA The Beans 12 1/2 8
2 WET The Wet Socks 12 2/2 7
3 NOO The Noodles 14 2/2 6
4 NUG The Nuggets 15 1/2 5
5 PCK The Pucks 16 1/2 4
6 HEA Basement Heat 16 1/2 3
7 LMP Lump Patrol 23 0/2 2
8 SFT The Soft Boys 28 0/2 1
Pack races score the sum of a team's best three finishing positions. Lower is better.

Race card

16 declared
1
Big Randy The Noodles
3 starts, 0 wins, average finish 5.0. Last five: 7-4-4.
8.48
12
Floppy Joe The Noodles
Debut appearance.
19.95
11
Tube Sock The Wet Socks
5 starts, 0 wins, average finish 7.0. Last five: 7-5-6-12-5.
19.75
4
Damp Kevin The Wet Socks
1 start, 1 win, average finish 1.0. Last five: 1.
3.45
22
Butter Bean The Beans
2 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.5. Last five: 13-14.
56.83
6
The Kidney The Beans
Debut appearance.
17.95
1
The Unit Basement Heat
Debut appearance.
17.95
9
Pilot Light Basement Heat
3 starts, 0 wins, average finish 12.0. Last five: 14-8-14.
60.80
33
Thick Rick The Nuggets
3 starts, 1 win, average finish 5.0. Last five: 2-12-1.
6.62
2
Honey Mustard The Nuggets
Debut appearance.
16.93
17
Gravy Lump Patrol
3 starts, 0 wins, average finish 7.0. Last five: 4-10-7.
12.80
5
Chunk Lump Patrol
Debut appearance.
19.00
69
Puck Yeah The Pucks
Debut appearance.
16.42
4
Wide Load The Pucks
3 starts, 0 wins, average finish 8.7. Last five: 8-15-3.
21.26
6
Tender Greg The Soft Boys
3 starts, 0 wins, average finish 12.3. Last five: 10-16-11.
69.35
2
Squish The Soft Boys
3 starts, 0 wins, average finish 11.0. Last five: 9-9-15.
44.04

Course preview

4 sections · 101 m
Smooth Descent Smooth
16m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
35m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
16m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
35m ↓15°

A velodrome that took a wrong turn somewhere and never came back. Twenty-six degrees of varnished pine holds the entire field at exactly the same radius whether anybody likes it or not, so the only way past a rival is straight through them. Nothing here chooses its own line; the banking chooses it, and the banking has no favourites and takes no notes. The boards were reclaimed from a real velodrome in 1991 and still carry the original lap markings under the tyre rubber, which no competitor has ever had a spare moment to read.

On the record

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