Paper Mogul Sports
Derby · Season 8 · Round 3

The Wall — Team Pack Race

The Board Track · The Wall · 101 m · 16 competitors Steep banking
FULL TIME Fairness
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Carnage — Thick Rick survives to win

Thick Rick took The Wall — Team Pack Race for the The Nuggets. The Unit finished second. 10 competitors failed to finish. The Noodles took the team honours.

#CompetitorTeamTimeGap Grid+/-ContactsTop speed
1 Thick Rick NUG The Nuggets 3:07.575 10 +9 54 12.1
2 The Unit HEA Basement Heat 3:13.317 +5.74 8 +6 32 11.6
3 Crooked Pete NOO The Noodles 3:17.083 +9.51 2 -1 12 11.1
4 Big Randy NOO The Noodles 3:18.258 +10.68 1 -3 10 11.2
5 Tube Sock WET The Wet Socks 3:20.275 +12.70 3 -2 13 11.0
6 Damp Kevin WET The Wet Socks 3:20.575 +13.00 4 -2 16 11.3
Stubbs WRECKED NUG The Nuggets 9 +2 43 13.1
The Kidney WRECKED BEA The Beans 6 -2 31 11.1
The Coaster WRECKED PCK The Pucks 13 +4 25 12.5
Chunk WRECKED LMP Lump Patrol 12 +2 21 12.1
Puck Yeah WRECKED PCK The Pucks 14 +3 16 12.7
Refried Ron WRECKED BEA The Beans 5 -7 13 11.4
The Lieutenant RUNNING LMP Lump Patrol 11 -2 11 12.2
Pilot Light WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 7 -7 12 11.4
Yolk WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 15 0 12 11.9
Tender Greg WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 16 0 9 11.8
2.308
Tender Greg is airborne! Recent finishes: 3-7-3-4-3.
8.350
There goes a piece of Crooked Pete. Recent finishes: 6-2-8-8-11.
13.350
A new leader — Tender Greg.
18.425
That was always going to happen. Recent finishes: 1-2-1-1-9.
22.750
Puck Yeah goes to the front.
28.058
Up it goes.
29.683
That is The Coaster taking Tender Greg with them.
36.800
That was always going to happen.
41.100
Chunk is losing bits.
45.767
That has come off. Recent finishes: 1-1-1-2-15.
47.267
Yolk will not be back.
51.533
Up it goes.
55.817
Puck Yeah has nothing left on it.
1:00.050
Beautiful. Just beautiful. Recent finishes: 7-16-7-12-6.
1:02.467
Puck Yeah is out.
1:05.475
Pilot Light is out, and Chunk did it.
1:10.050
And it all goes wrong.
1:12.650
Refried Ron is out.
1:20.050
There is nothing left of it.
1:29.292
There is nothing protecting The Coaster now.
1:30.983
Chunk will not be back.
1:37.008
And that is The Coaster finished.
1:41.650
Thick Rick goes to the front.
1:52.325
There is nothing left of it.
1:57.350
Somebody is going to have to sweep that up.
2:04.633
The Kidney is losing bits.
2:10.783
That is a long way off the ground.
2:18.383
There goes a piece of Thick Rick.
2:23.225
The Kidney is airborne!
2:28.633
Stripped to the shell.
2:32.842
Stubbs is losing bits.
2:37.900
Big Randy has put The Kidney out.
2:49.342
Somebody is going to have to sweep that up.
2:51.692
One to go.
2:57.683
Stubbs will not be back.
3:04.575
Thick Rick has it.
3:06.733
And it all goes wrong.
3:08.233
Thick Rick wins the derby.
SectionSurfaceLeader at exitElapsedFastest through
Smooth Descent Boards Tender Greg 14.975 Tender Greg 14.975
Smooth Descent Boards Puck Yeah 28.125 Puck Yeah 11.733
Smooth Descent Boards Puck Yeah 43.925 Thick Rick 13.034
Smooth Descent Boards Puck Yeah 56.308 Puck Yeah 12.383
Smooth Descent Boards The Coaster 1:15.583 Thick Rick 14.050
Smooth Descent Boards The Coaster 1:29.625 The Coaster 14.042
Smooth Descent Boards Thick Rick 1:49.092 Thick Rick 15.709
Smooth Descent Boards Thick Rick 2:04.542 Thick Rick 15.450
Smooth Descent Boards Thick Rick 2:19.575 Thick Rick 15.033
Smooth Descent Boards Thick Rick 2:36.900 The Unit 15.125
Smooth Descent Boards Thick Rick 2:51.692 Thick Rick 14.792
Smooth Descent Boards Thick Rick 3:07.575 Thick Rick 15.883
#TeamScoreFinishersPoints
1 NOO The Noodles 7 2/2 8
2 NUG The Nuggets 8 1/2 7
3 WET The Wet Socks 11 2/2 6
4 HEA Basement Heat 16 1/2 5
5 BEA The Beans 20 0/2 4
6 PCK The Pucks 20 0/2 3
7 LMP Lump Patrol 23 0/2 2
8 SFT The Soft Boys 31 0/2 1
Pack races score the sum of a team's best three finishing positions. Lower is better.

Race card

16 declared
1
Big Randy The Noodles
174 starts, 9 wins, average finish 6.1. Last five: 8-6-4-10-12.
26.01
3
Crooked Pete The Noodles
164 starts, 5 wins, average finish 8.9. Last five: 16-1-8-10-11.
121.31
11
Tube Sock The Wet Socks
176 starts, 24 wins, average finish 4.3. Last five: 3-3-5-3-3.
3.54
4
Damp Kevin The Wet Socks
176 starts, 35 wins, average finish 3.7. Last five: 1-1-2-2-4.
2.20
5
Refried Ron The Beans
180 starts, 0 wins, average finish 12.9. Last five: 11-14-16-12-14.
219.30
6
The Kidney The Beans
171 starts, 0 wins, average finish 9.9. Last five: 10-13-9-4-11.
219.30
9
Pilot Light Basement Heat
159 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.6. Last five: 13-15-15-15-16.
219.30
1
The Unit Basement Heat
175 starts, 4 wins, average finish 7.5. Last five: 9-14-7-2-6.
23.66
7
Stubbs The Nuggets
174 starts, 13 wins, average finish 7.7. Last five: 10-8-13-5-4.
44.39
33
Thick Rick The Nuggets
171 starts, 5 wins, average finish 7.4. Last five: 5-10-10-14-10.
51.33
10
The Lieutenant Lump Patrol
172 starts, 37 wins, average finish 5.1. Last five: 6-2-2-1-3.
3.88
5
Chunk Lump Patrol
147 starts, 4 wins, average finish 10.0. Last five: 9-14-10-10-4.
219.30
3
The Coaster The Pucks
169 starts, 17 wins, average finish 7.8. Last five: 15-9-7-11-10.
147.29
69
Puck Yeah The Pucks
172 starts, 5 wins, average finish 12.3. Last five: 11-12-14-16-10.
219.30
0
Yolk The Soft Boys
170 starts, 0 wins, average finish 14.1. Last five: 16-16-16-16-16.
219.30
6
Tender Greg The Soft Boys
183 starts, 0 wins, average finish 14.6. Last five: 15-15-16-10-15.
219.30

Course preview

4 sections · 101 m
Smooth Descent Smooth
16m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
35m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
16m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
35m ↓15°

A velodrome that took a wrong turn somewhere and never came back. Twenty-six degrees of varnished pine holds the entire field at exactly the same radius whether anybody likes it or not, so the only way past a rival is straight through them. Nothing here chooses its own line; the banking chooses it, and the banking has no favourites and takes no notes. The boards were reclaimed from a real velodrome in 1991 and still carry the original lap markings under the tyre rubber, which no competitor has ever had a spare moment to read.

On the record

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