Paper Mogul Sports
Derby · Season 9 · Round 6

The Pinch — Team Pack Race

The Pinch Works · The Pinch · 135 m · 16 competitors Pinch points Steep banking
FULL TIME Fairness
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Carnage — The Heel survives to win

The Heel took The Pinch — Team Pack Race for the The Wet Socks. Big Randy finished second. 5 competitors failed to finish. The Wet Socks took the team honours.

#CompetitorTeamTimeGap Grid+/-ContactsTop speed
1 The Heel WET The Wet Socks 3:16.892 4 +3 11 10.7
2 Big Randy NOO The Noodles 3:21.708 +4.82 1 -1 13 10.7
3 Damp Kevin WET The Wet Socks 3:22.700 +5.81 3 0 9 10.3
4 The Coaster PCK The Pucks 3:23.833 +6.94 13 +9 34 12.8
5 Gravy LMP Lump Patrol 3:26.925 +10.03 12 +7 36 12.4
6 The Lieutenant LMP Lump Patrol 3:26.942 +10.05 11 +5 28 11.8
7 Wide Load PCK The Pucks 3:27.067 +10.18 14 +7 37 11.9
8 Butter Bean BEA The Beans 3:31.208 +14.32 5 -3 23 11.2
9 Custard SFT The Soft Boys 3:31.217 +14.33 16 +7 31 11.7
10 Stubbs NUG The Nuggets 3:31.942 +15.05 10 0 47 13.3
11 Thick Rick NUG The Nuggets 3:41.783 +24.89 9 -2 40 11.1
Refried Ron WRECKED BEA The Beans 6 -6 12 10.9
Squish WRECKED SFT The Soft Boys 15 +2 21 11.2
Floppy Joe WRECKED NOO The Noodles 2 -12 13 10.4
Pilot Light WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 7 -8 11 10.2
Radiator WRECKED HEA Basement Heat 8 -8 13 10.5
2.800
Up it goes. Recent finishes: 7-6-5-6-7.
7.517
Extraordinary scenes.
12.350
That has come off. Recent finishes: 2-11-1-2-2.
20.050
Look at Squish go.
24.458
That is a long way off the ground. Recent finishes: 2-1-2-3-14.
29.433
There is nothing left of it.
34.725
That has come off.
40.050
Stubbs is going backwards.
47.067
Floppy Joe is losing bits.
51.475
That is a long way off the ground. Recent finishes: 2-1-2-3-14.
55.692
You do not see that every day. Recent finishes: 4-4-2-8-6.
1:00.008
The Coaster is losing bits.
1:05.692
The Heel leaves something behind.
1:10.050
And it all goes wrong.
1:16.775
Up it goes.
1:22.433
Stubbs leaves something behind.
1:30.050
Butter Bean is coming through.
1:34.792
Extraordinary scenes.
1:40.050
Absolute carnage.
1:44.292
Absolute carnage.
1:47.767
Wrecked, and out of the race.
1:51.967
Pilot Light will not take much more.
1:54.100
Pilot Light is out, and Damp Kevin did it.
1:58.508
Up it goes.
2:03.283
That has come off.
2:07.525
They felt that in the back row.
2:14.258
There is nothing left of it.
2:19.550
There is nothing left of it.
2:21.050
Floppy Joe will not be back.
2:25.267
Up it goes.
2:30.050
That was always going to happen.
2:36.442
That is Gravy taking Squish with them.
2:43.750
You do not see that every day.
2:45.250
That is Butter Bean taking Refried Ron with them.
2:50.967
Wide Load is airborne!
2:55.133
One to go.
3:03.058
Look at the state of it.
3:08.558
That is a long way off the ground.
3:13.892
The Heel is coming to the flag.
3:16.892
It is The Heel!
3:21.608
They felt that in the back row.
3:26.792
There is nothing protecting Gravy now.
SectionSurfaceLeader at exitElapsedFastest through
Smooth Descent Clay Squish 21.625 Squish 21.625
Smooth Descent Clay Gravy 43.717 Big Randy 21.550
Smooth Descent Clay The Heel 1:05.767 The Heel 21.567
Smooth Descent Clay The Heel 1:27.033 The Lieutenant 19.025
Smooth Descent Clay The Heel 1:48.750 Refried Ron 21.684
Smooth Descent Clay The Heel 2:09.800 The Heel 21.050
Smooth Descent Clay The Heel 2:32.108 Wide Load 20.641
Smooth Descent Clay The Heel 2:55.133 Damp Kevin 21.025
Smooth Descent Clay The Heel 3:16.892 The Coaster 21.191
#TeamScoreFinishersPoints
1 WET The Wet Socks 4 2/2 8
2 PCK The Pucks 11 2/2 7
3 LMP Lump Patrol 11 2/2 6
4 NOO The Noodles 16 1/2 5
5 BEA The Beans 20 1/2 4
6 NUG The Nuggets 21 2/2 3
7 SFT The Soft Boys 22 1/2 2
8 HEA Basement Heat 31 0/2 1
Pack races score the sum of a team's best three finishing positions. Lower is better.

Race card

16 declared
1
Big Randy The Noodles
194 starts, 11 wins, average finish 6.0. Last five: 4-1-10-10-4.
9.12
12
Floppy Joe The Noodles
199 starts, 6 wins, average finish 9.0. Last five: 12-12-7-13-11.
146.21
4
Damp Kevin The Wet Socks
197 starts, 36 wins, average finish 3.7. Last five: 2-5-10-3-4.
2.06
9
The Heel The Wet Socks
180 starts, 18 wins, average finish 5.5. Last five: 2-3-2-6-10.
4.84
22
Butter Bean The Beans
197 starts, 1 win, average finish 8.7. Last five: 3-4-10-11-5.
54.91
5
Refried Ron The Beans
204 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.0. Last five: 8-16-16-12-13.
219.30
9
Pilot Light Basement Heat
186 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.5. Last five: 14-15-11-11-14.
219.30
4
Radiator Basement Heat
219 starts, 0 wins, average finish 13.1. Last five: 14-14-8-16-7.
219.30
33
Thick Rick The Nuggets
194 starts, 6 wins, average finish 7.4. Last five: 9-9-2-3-4.
28.08
7
Stubbs The Nuggets
196 starts, 13 wins, average finish 7.6. Last five: 12-13-8-6-4.
63.36
10
The Lieutenant Lump Patrol
198 starts, 43 wins, average finish 5.2. Last five: 16-3-8-13-6.
17.96
17
Gravy Lump Patrol
211 starts, 25 wins, average finish 7.1. Last five: 1-3-9-7-4.
28.39
3
The Coaster The Pucks
197 starts, 19 wins, average finish 7.9. Last five: 13-13-4-6-11.
97.33
4
Wide Load The Pucks
208 starts, 39 wins, average finish 5.2. Last five: 8-6-8-1-7.
7.35
2
Squish The Soft Boys
196 starts, 1 win, average finish 10.7. Last five: 10-14-15-1-13.
219.30
21
Custard The Soft Boys
195 starts, 5 wins, average finish 7.8. Last five: 3-10-10-4-11.
45.20

Course preview

6 sections · 135 m
Smooth Descent Smooth
30m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
38m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
11m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
8m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
11m ↓15°
Smooth Descent Smooth
38m ↓15°

A disused rolling mill with an oval laid through the old loading bay, and a gap in the wall under four metres wide. Sixteen arrive at that gap together, two get through, and the rest sort it out — nine times a race, in front of a crowd that has stopped pretending it came for any other reason. The wall is original ironwork and has never once been repainted, on the grounds that it would only want doing again by Tuesday. Standing room is capped for reasons the management prefers not to put in writing.

On the record

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